Thank God it's Friday!!! Overall it has been a good week, but the weekend is always a nice thing--no DRIVING!!!
this has beenan odd week to start this bolg, as I really have not done the things that I had planned on doing on a daily basis, like pre planning my meals, packing a lunch each day, walking every day, and various meditative and tapping techniques to help keep me focused in apositive direction towards the goals of making my life better. But overall, I am finding that blogging is quite cathartic. And the more I write, the more free I feel. As I am trying to really build up an income as a freelance writer, doing the blog has helped unclog some writers block that I have had going on for a while.
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Okay, so it's Saturday mornig and I never got back to finish yesterday's post. It was a whirl wind of a day with A's birthday party. 50 years old, the start of a new era for A.
I am not goign to write what I ate because frankly, I can not remember everything... I don't remember what I did for breakfast, I ate lunch in the car on the run (so probably almods and a cheese snack). Dinner was a baked ziti, salad, and garlic bread, followed by chocolate cake with purple icing. but what quantities and such for the dinner (I had one fairly large pice of cake) I did not actually pay attention to. There was also some tortilla chips and bean dip inthere somewhere. And soem coffee and seltzer (not together).
Anyway, it was a crazy day with a crazy eating pattern. And I will blog again later, as we are meeting A and A's sister for brunch ina few minutes before A's sister has to head home....
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Day 4--When you want to pull your hair out, but would rather not be bald...
So yeah...the mess from last night was still waiting for me when I woke up. No little fairy gnomes had come in and scrubbed the house while I slept. You'd think at least the cats and dog would pitch in once in while....but alas they do not appreciate me (throws head back indignantly)
So got the kids to schools, and headed BACK home (I look forward to when school isn't over 50 miles away). I did not bring my breakfast with me, which was a dangerous oversight as I really need to eat by 9am, and when I am hungry I am not good with temptation. I stopped at McDonald's on the way and got a sausage mcmuffin with egg, hash brown, and small orange juice. I went to the bank on the way home and got quarters for laundry, then stopped at the old trailer, where a lot of my stuff is still stored. And climbed a good 8 foot snowbank and trudged through thigh deep snow (took nearly 10 minutes to get to the door, and without snow it is only about 15-20 steps from where I parked to the door) to get in and retrieve my bigger vacuum cleaner, which I have been meaning to get but my little one has been fine, but has no beater bar. With the sand making the living room feel like a beach, I figured I'd need to beater bar. So after climbing back across the deep snow and huge snowbank, I went home.
First I threw in a load of towels in the washer. When you have to dry off with a little hand towel (especially when you are as big as me) you REALLY need to wash some towels. So, I got those going and then started in on cleaning up the kitchen (dishes, counters, stove). I swept the floor and then straightened up the living room. Then came the fun part.
The big vacuum has been sitting alone in the trailer for 8 months with no heat or power or anything. It was NOT emptied prior to our leaving (leaving was a LONG story, as is why so much of my stuff, stuff that I actually use) is over there still). So first I emptied it, and was surprised by how much dog hair was in it. Well, the other dog (we used to have two but when I left A I found a good home for the big one and took the little one with me as A wanted her, but alas has not been able to take her). Anyway after that, I tried to get the beater bar to turn, but it would not budge. So I spent time with WD40 and got it to turn again, but it was sticking at one end. I got part of the floor vacuumed and she stopped spinning again. So I again took it apart, and unstuck the one side again. And round and round we went, the vacuum and I, until I finally gave up and got out the little vacuum. I think I got most of the really sandy spot with the big vac before giving up, but I really want to use the big one just to get a deeper vacuuming done. I will have to order a new beater bar, again. This will be the second beater bar for this vacuum in the last 7 years (it was bought used). The end of the bar actually melts and then shatters apart on the inside. You can still hodge podge it to make it work, but it takes frequent resetting to get it to work.
So, by the time I finished tinkering with the vacuum and then finishing the living room, it was time to leave and get the kids. I had a cup of mac and cheese (not box) for lunch, and snacked on a handful of almonds and a cheese stick on the drive, along with a bottle of water.
Both boys had a good day at school, and it was an easy ride home, aside from the fact that one of Josiah's braces is hurting him. I need to get back to the ortho so we can get the brace adjusted a bit. So I did have to stop on the way and take off his braces to give him some relief.
When we got back, I switched the laundry ( I can never seem to keep up with it). Then I tried talking with the boys about what went on last night (why they didn't eat dinner, why they trashed the house, why they did not go to bed when it was bed time, etc...) I am still just blown away by how out of control they were last night, that is usually not like them. J at least had some answers, not good ones, but at least could give me some reasons for his behavior, but over all his behavior was not that bad. It was G that emptied the book shelf and pummeled the guitar with the videos, and G that dumped bags of sand all over the house. It would be different if he had been doing sand art and gotten it everywhere, but he was not doing art, he was literally opening the bags and flipping them in the air multiple times. there was sand on top of the TV, all over the couch and chair, on top of all the shelves, probably in the fish tank even. G has a tendency to destroy things for the sake of destroying them. I have yet to find a plausible explanation for some of the times when he has completely destroyed a toy or a game (ripping cards in half, pealing all of the decals off the game boards, smashing his Nintendo control on the floor until it fell apart (we went through 3 before I started making him discard his own destroyed toys and did not replace them (but Santa did bring more controllers one year). Anyway, I was trying to work through what had actually happened, like where Grandpa was and what he was doing while G was destroying the house, and why G did not go to bed at 8:00 when he knows the routine, or why he refused to eat dinner....
And G kept giving me the run around (he does have trouble answering questions in anything like a way that makes sense, but usually I can piece what he says together and get a good sense of what happened and why he made the choices he did. But after 45 minutes of G's circles round and round the issue, I was ready to pull out my hair and run screaming down the street, but instead I told him to just go play in his room and I went out to fold laundry in the living room--twitch, twitch, twitch.....
So, I am just trying to let go of last night, and move on. It just gets under my skin when there is senseless destruction, especially of a project that could have been a lot of fun to do together. So now I just made a frozen pepperoni Pizza and rinsed off some grapes. Not a stellar dinner for the kids and I but it works. This has been an exhausting week for some reason.
Tomorrow is A's birthday and while we are no longer a couple, no one else was planning anything for A and turning 50 is a big deal. Most woman I know over 50 tell me that 50 is like a new start to life, life begins anew at 50. I will trust them on that as I am a mere 36, so it will be a while before I know if that is my own experience. But 50 is an important time, so a party is always in order. So I invited most of my family and A's family to come to dinner tomorrow night. I have to bake a cake to night and J has an appointment tomorrow, but if A can pick up G from school it should all work out. I just have to make sure I have everything ready tonight, so I can just cook it tomorrow, and have my mom, and step dad, my father, my brother, one of my sisters and her two kids, myself and the kids, A's sister is going to come out for the night (she lives 5 hours away), and me--so that's 12 people in my little house (less than we had for G's b-day last week when we had the family party as my other sister with her 4 kids is not coming). So 12 people, a small corned beef and cabbage with a baked Ziti to supplement so that everyone gets enough to eat (I couldn't afford a corned beef big enough to really feed that many people, hence the ziti). As A is Irish and today is St. Patrick's Day, I figured that as long as everyone can have a little bit of the traditional Irish meal, everyone would be happy. But I do have to bake a cake and decorate it tonight, and I want to clean the bathroom and fold all the clean laundry before I go to bed too. So it is going to be yet another late night.
Well, I need to get the kids in the bath, so I am signing off for the night (unless I decide to hop on later, which well, you never do know right? Blogging is fun, i wonder if anyone is actually reading it....I need to get one of those little ticket things that tracks page views. G-night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bites (nasty that they have made a come back isn't it...)
So got the kids to schools, and headed BACK home (I look forward to when school isn't over 50 miles away). I did not bring my breakfast with me, which was a dangerous oversight as I really need to eat by 9am, and when I am hungry I am not good with temptation. I stopped at McDonald's on the way and got a sausage mcmuffin with egg, hash brown, and small orange juice. I went to the bank on the way home and got quarters for laundry, then stopped at the old trailer, where a lot of my stuff is still stored. And climbed a good 8 foot snowbank and trudged through thigh deep snow (took nearly 10 minutes to get to the door, and without snow it is only about 15-20 steps from where I parked to the door) to get in and retrieve my bigger vacuum cleaner, which I have been meaning to get but my little one has been fine, but has no beater bar. With the sand making the living room feel like a beach, I figured I'd need to beater bar. So after climbing back across the deep snow and huge snowbank, I went home.
First I threw in a load of towels in the washer. When you have to dry off with a little hand towel (especially when you are as big as me) you REALLY need to wash some towels. So, I got those going and then started in on cleaning up the kitchen (dishes, counters, stove). I swept the floor and then straightened up the living room. Then came the fun part.
The big vacuum has been sitting alone in the trailer for 8 months with no heat or power or anything. It was NOT emptied prior to our leaving (leaving was a LONG story, as is why so much of my stuff, stuff that I actually use) is over there still). So first I emptied it, and was surprised by how much dog hair was in it. Well, the other dog (we used to have two but when I left A I found a good home for the big one and took the little one with me as A wanted her, but alas has not been able to take her). Anyway after that, I tried to get the beater bar to turn, but it would not budge. So I spent time with WD40 and got it to turn again, but it was sticking at one end. I got part of the floor vacuumed and she stopped spinning again. So I again took it apart, and unstuck the one side again. And round and round we went, the vacuum and I, until I finally gave up and got out the little vacuum. I think I got most of the really sandy spot with the big vac before giving up, but I really want to use the big one just to get a deeper vacuuming done. I will have to order a new beater bar, again. This will be the second beater bar for this vacuum in the last 7 years (it was bought used). The end of the bar actually melts and then shatters apart on the inside. You can still hodge podge it to make it work, but it takes frequent resetting to get it to work.
So, by the time I finished tinkering with the vacuum and then finishing the living room, it was time to leave and get the kids. I had a cup of mac and cheese (not box) for lunch, and snacked on a handful of almonds and a cheese stick on the drive, along with a bottle of water.
Both boys had a good day at school, and it was an easy ride home, aside from the fact that one of Josiah's braces is hurting him. I need to get back to the ortho so we can get the brace adjusted a bit. So I did have to stop on the way and take off his braces to give him some relief.
When we got back, I switched the laundry ( I can never seem to keep up with it). Then I tried talking with the boys about what went on last night (why they didn't eat dinner, why they trashed the house, why they did not go to bed when it was bed time, etc...) I am still just blown away by how out of control they were last night, that is usually not like them. J at least had some answers, not good ones, but at least could give me some reasons for his behavior, but over all his behavior was not that bad. It was G that emptied the book shelf and pummeled the guitar with the videos, and G that dumped bags of sand all over the house. It would be different if he had been doing sand art and gotten it everywhere, but he was not doing art, he was literally opening the bags and flipping them in the air multiple times. there was sand on top of the TV, all over the couch and chair, on top of all the shelves, probably in the fish tank even. G has a tendency to destroy things for the sake of destroying them. I have yet to find a plausible explanation for some of the times when he has completely destroyed a toy or a game (ripping cards in half, pealing all of the decals off the game boards, smashing his Nintendo control on the floor until it fell apart (we went through 3 before I started making him discard his own destroyed toys and did not replace them (but Santa did bring more controllers one year). Anyway, I was trying to work through what had actually happened, like where Grandpa was and what he was doing while G was destroying the house, and why G did not go to bed at 8:00 when he knows the routine, or why he refused to eat dinner....
And G kept giving me the run around (he does have trouble answering questions in anything like a way that makes sense, but usually I can piece what he says together and get a good sense of what happened and why he made the choices he did. But after 45 minutes of G's circles round and round the issue, I was ready to pull out my hair and run screaming down the street, but instead I told him to just go play in his room and I went out to fold laundry in the living room--twitch, twitch, twitch.....
So, I am just trying to let go of last night, and move on. It just gets under my skin when there is senseless destruction, especially of a project that could have been a lot of fun to do together. So now I just made a frozen pepperoni Pizza and rinsed off some grapes. Not a stellar dinner for the kids and I but it works. This has been an exhausting week for some reason.
Tomorrow is A's birthday and while we are no longer a couple, no one else was planning anything for A and turning 50 is a big deal. Most woman I know over 50 tell me that 50 is like a new start to life, life begins anew at 50. I will trust them on that as I am a mere 36, so it will be a while before I know if that is my own experience. But 50 is an important time, so a party is always in order. So I invited most of my family and A's family to come to dinner tomorrow night. I have to bake a cake to night and J has an appointment tomorrow, but if A can pick up G from school it should all work out. I just have to make sure I have everything ready tonight, so I can just cook it tomorrow, and have my mom, and step dad, my father, my brother, one of my sisters and her two kids, myself and the kids, A's sister is going to come out for the night (she lives 5 hours away), and me--so that's 12 people in my little house (less than we had for G's b-day last week when we had the family party as my other sister with her 4 kids is not coming). So 12 people, a small corned beef and cabbage with a baked Ziti to supplement so that everyone gets enough to eat (I couldn't afford a corned beef big enough to really feed that many people, hence the ziti). As A is Irish and today is St. Patrick's Day, I figured that as long as everyone can have a little bit of the traditional Irish meal, everyone would be happy. But I do have to bake a cake and decorate it tonight, and I want to clean the bathroom and fold all the clean laundry before I go to bed too. So it is going to be yet another late night.
Well, I need to get the kids in the bath, so I am signing off for the night (unless I decide to hop on later, which well, you never do know right? Blogging is fun, i wonder if anyone is actually reading it....I need to get one of those little ticket things that tracks page views. G-night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bites (nasty that they have made a come back isn't it...)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Day 3--What a ride!
Okay, so today has been absolutely insane. First I slept through my snooze alarm, 4 times this morning, waking up at 6:50 (we have to be out the door by 7:10 to be on time. So it was a very rushed morning, the kids were a few minutes late to school.
For breakfast I had oatmeal with raisins, cranberries and fresh apple chunks, and a cup of coffee with cream and 1 sugar.
The it was a whirlwind day of writing as I had two articles due today and had not started wither one (had a lot of ideas in my head, but had not actually put them on paper). I did manage to get both of them done satisfactorily, but by the time I got them submitted to their respective sites, I was running late to get J for swimming (aquatic PT). On the way there I scarfed down a cheese stick and handful of almonds, and a bottle of water.
The classroom took longer getting him to me than usual, which made us even later, but we got there 10 minutes late, and they let him do his full half an hour anyway, which was good. He had a new PT in the pool today, so I was not sure how it was going to go, but he did very well with her. he listened, and did the swimming and kicking and reaching like he was asked too. He was in a great mood, and enjoyed the horsey (a rolled up float mat that he has to balance on sitting (with help) and gallop around the pool retrieving balls and tossing them into a basket). He loved the game and even used his left hand without too much prompting. He did have trouble listening on pool exit, and as she is not as familiar with him, he did slip all the way and land on his bottom on the step, but other than nicking his ankle with his toenail, he was okay.
From swimming we ran over to the mall, because I FINALLY remembered the helicopter ride that I had promised for Monday. So I took J in the mall, but with short time did not assemble his wheelchair to take him in (we have a sedan now that the station wagon died, and I have to take both the back and the two big wheels odd in order to wedge it in the truck (it is NOT a sling seat, fold up wheelchair, it is more involved than that). So, he is really getting hard to carry, being heavy and unable to wrap his legs around to help carry himself. So he rode the little insert quarters helicopter, then the corvette, and then the hot dog truck. I ran into G's first grade teacher while we were there, and it was nice to chat with her. She really is a great teacher. If we are still here when J is in first grade, I will be very glad for J to have her.
After that, we needed to go get G. As we were walking out (with J wisely on my shoulders) he announced that he was starving and needed french fries. Having not eaten actual lunch myself, I gave in to temptation and stopped at the Arby's stand in the food court. I got the All American Sandwich and he got the fries, and we got a root beer for G. So one combo split between 3 people, not too bad.
We got to G's school just in time to pick him up, and headed home. On the way I realized that tonight was the preschool transmission meeting at J's school, and I had not arranged childcare, so we took a little detour on the way home, and stopped to see my father. He agreed to watch the kids for me, so I went home, washed some dishes, had G do his homework, made dinner, and then ran back to my Dad's to pick him up 45 minutes later. Brought him and the kids back here, gave a quick rundown of the routine, and headed out as he was dishing up dinner for the kids. A whirlwind hour long drive back to J's school (which I was of course about 10 minutes late for). It was a VERY informative meeting, and I feel much more prepared going into J's CSE meeting at the end of the month. I was able to get lot of questions answered by a person who represents the state Dept of Education. I now know what I can and can not ask for. I asked a lot of question, which was good, and other parents also asked a lot of questions. So it was a great presentation and a discussion time (boy do I miss being with adults on a regular basis, it almost felt like the old lab meeting where we were discussing our work, just this time our work was our children). I had a couple of specific questions that she asked me to stay after to discuss,a s they were very specific to J. So overall a very productive evening.
Of course by staying after, I left half an hour later than planned. My father was supposed to have the kids in bed at 8:00PM (which was about the time I was leaving the meeting). I had to stop for gas, and as I had eaten no dinner, I grabbed a premade Italian sub with oil and vinegar dressing, and a small bag of Smart food Popcorn, and a water and a hot chocolate at the convenience store to eat on the way home.
Here I was thinking it would be peaceful to get home and chat with my Dad while we waited for my mom and step dad to give him a ride home (my mom's 2nd job runs until about 9:00pm). But instead I walk in to J still fully clothed, G jumping on the couch half in his pajamas, and the house totally trashed. My Dad is standing there with J's diaper saying, I have been trying to get them to go to bed, but he won't even let me change him. G had emptied the entire bookshelf of DVD's and video's and hurled them one by one across the room at J's guitar (which J does play and is trying to actually learn). G had already smashed one of J's guitars on purpose, so this second one was to replace that one, and he was trying to smash it with movies. G had also opened up four bags of art sand that he had gotten for his birthday and poured sand ALL OVER THE HOUSE. It feels like a beach to walk on the living room carpet. In addition, neither of them would eat dinner for my dad, and by this time it was nearly 9:30 pm. I told G to finish his Pajamas and clean up the movies. I send J into his room where I then changed him into his pajamas. I came back out and lectured G on his behavior and how he knew better. I also made him throw the rest of the sand art kit in the garbage, as all the sand was gone, and I let him know how disappointed I was in his intentionally destructive behavior. I gave them each a small cup of peaches (as I did not want them to sleep on a totally empty stomach), and then I tucked them in their beds, told them goodnight and went lights out.
I was SO frustrated with the way they behaved for my father. I was also a little frustrated at my father, as he seems to have not noticed any of the things going on, until I pointed them out to him. So, I think that is the last time Dad will babysit, as he just does not pay enough attention. he is getting older, and maybe the kids are just too much for him now. Oh well. My house is a complete mess, and I am exhausted after such an insane day. Now I have clothes in the washer that I need to wait to put in the dryer before I go to bed. I had forgotten tomorrow is St Patrick's Day, so I needed to wash clothes to make sure the kids have green on tomorrow. Especially since A (their other parent) is almost 100% Irish. So for race/ethnicity the kids say they are: G=Mexican Irish American and J=African Irish American. So yeah, I need to make sure the green shirts are clean. (As for my race/ethnicity I am a true American mutt=a mix of French, English, German and at least 1/16th Native American (my maternal grandfather was 1/2--though I do not know what tribe, he left is family at 16 and never really talked about his heritage) and I am 1/64th Iroquois on my Father's side) and who knows what else, my European lines have been here many generations so are not well documented or remembered).
Tomorrow will be one of those days that i drop the kids off and then drive the hour back home so that I can clean up this house!!. I hate adding an extra 100+ miles and 2 extra hours of driving to my car and day, but they really trashed the house and I need time without them here to clean it all up properly. I might have to borrow a good vacuum as mine is okay for regular stuff, but this fine sand everywhere is going to need something with better suction. Oh and a couple of the movies (older VHS movies) were broken in G's little stunt. It was such a good evening until I got home. Some days you can understand why some animals eat their young...
For breakfast I had oatmeal with raisins, cranberries and fresh apple chunks, and a cup of coffee with cream and 1 sugar.
The it was a whirlwind day of writing as I had two articles due today and had not started wither one (had a lot of ideas in my head, but had not actually put them on paper). I did manage to get both of them done satisfactorily, but by the time I got them submitted to their respective sites, I was running late to get J for swimming (aquatic PT). On the way there I scarfed down a cheese stick and handful of almonds, and a bottle of water.
The classroom took longer getting him to me than usual, which made us even later, but we got there 10 minutes late, and they let him do his full half an hour anyway, which was good. He had a new PT in the pool today, so I was not sure how it was going to go, but he did very well with her. he listened, and did the swimming and kicking and reaching like he was asked too. He was in a great mood, and enjoyed the horsey (a rolled up float mat that he has to balance on sitting (with help) and gallop around the pool retrieving balls and tossing them into a basket). He loved the game and even used his left hand without too much prompting. He did have trouble listening on pool exit, and as she is not as familiar with him, he did slip all the way and land on his bottom on the step, but other than nicking his ankle with his toenail, he was okay.
From swimming we ran over to the mall, because I FINALLY remembered the helicopter ride that I had promised for Monday. So I took J in the mall, but with short time did not assemble his wheelchair to take him in (we have a sedan now that the station wagon died, and I have to take both the back and the two big wheels odd in order to wedge it in the truck (it is NOT a sling seat, fold up wheelchair, it is more involved than that). So, he is really getting hard to carry, being heavy and unable to wrap his legs around to help carry himself. So he rode the little insert quarters helicopter, then the corvette, and then the hot dog truck. I ran into G's first grade teacher while we were there, and it was nice to chat with her. She really is a great teacher. If we are still here when J is in first grade, I will be very glad for J to have her.
After that, we needed to go get G. As we were walking out (with J wisely on my shoulders) he announced that he was starving and needed french fries. Having not eaten actual lunch myself, I gave in to temptation and stopped at the Arby's stand in the food court. I got the All American Sandwich and he got the fries, and we got a root beer for G. So one combo split between 3 people, not too bad.
We got to G's school just in time to pick him up, and headed home. On the way I realized that tonight was the preschool transmission meeting at J's school, and I had not arranged childcare, so we took a little detour on the way home, and stopped to see my father. He agreed to watch the kids for me, so I went home, washed some dishes, had G do his homework, made dinner, and then ran back to my Dad's to pick him up 45 minutes later. Brought him and the kids back here, gave a quick rundown of the routine, and headed out as he was dishing up dinner for the kids. A whirlwind hour long drive back to J's school (which I was of course about 10 minutes late for). It was a VERY informative meeting, and I feel much more prepared going into J's CSE meeting at the end of the month. I was able to get lot of questions answered by a person who represents the state Dept of Education. I now know what I can and can not ask for. I asked a lot of question, which was good, and other parents also asked a lot of questions. So it was a great presentation and a discussion time (boy do I miss being with adults on a regular basis, it almost felt like the old lab meeting where we were discussing our work, just this time our work was our children). I had a couple of specific questions that she asked me to stay after to discuss,a s they were very specific to J. So overall a very productive evening.
Of course by staying after, I left half an hour later than planned. My father was supposed to have the kids in bed at 8:00PM (which was about the time I was leaving the meeting). I had to stop for gas, and as I had eaten no dinner, I grabbed a premade Italian sub with oil and vinegar dressing, and a small bag of Smart food Popcorn, and a water and a hot chocolate at the convenience store to eat on the way home.
Here I was thinking it would be peaceful to get home and chat with my Dad while we waited for my mom and step dad to give him a ride home (my mom's 2nd job runs until about 9:00pm). But instead I walk in to J still fully clothed, G jumping on the couch half in his pajamas, and the house totally trashed. My Dad is standing there with J's diaper saying, I have been trying to get them to go to bed, but he won't even let me change him. G had emptied the entire bookshelf of DVD's and video's and hurled them one by one across the room at J's guitar (which J does play and is trying to actually learn). G had already smashed one of J's guitars on purpose, so this second one was to replace that one, and he was trying to smash it with movies. G had also opened up four bags of art sand that he had gotten for his birthday and poured sand ALL OVER THE HOUSE. It feels like a beach to walk on the living room carpet. In addition, neither of them would eat dinner for my dad, and by this time it was nearly 9:30 pm. I told G to finish his Pajamas and clean up the movies. I send J into his room where I then changed him into his pajamas. I came back out and lectured G on his behavior and how he knew better. I also made him throw the rest of the sand art kit in the garbage, as all the sand was gone, and I let him know how disappointed I was in his intentionally destructive behavior. I gave them each a small cup of peaches (as I did not want them to sleep on a totally empty stomach), and then I tucked them in their beds, told them goodnight and went lights out.
I was SO frustrated with the way they behaved for my father. I was also a little frustrated at my father, as he seems to have not noticed any of the things going on, until I pointed them out to him. So, I think that is the last time Dad will babysit, as he just does not pay enough attention. he is getting older, and maybe the kids are just too much for him now. Oh well. My house is a complete mess, and I am exhausted after such an insane day. Now I have clothes in the washer that I need to wait to put in the dryer before I go to bed. I had forgotten tomorrow is St Patrick's Day, so I needed to wash clothes to make sure the kids have green on tomorrow. Especially since A (their other parent) is almost 100% Irish. So for race/ethnicity the kids say they are: G=Mexican Irish American and J=African Irish American. So yeah, I need to make sure the green shirts are clean. (As for my race/ethnicity I am a true American mutt=a mix of French, English, German and at least 1/16th Native American (my maternal grandfather was 1/2--though I do not know what tribe, he left is family at 16 and never really talked about his heritage) and I am 1/64th Iroquois on my Father's side) and who knows what else, my European lines have been here many generations so are not well documented or remembered).
Tomorrow will be one of those days that i drop the kids off and then drive the hour back home so that I can clean up this house!!. I hate adding an extra 100+ miles and 2 extra hours of driving to my car and day, but they really trashed the house and I need time without them here to clean it all up properly. I might have to borrow a good vacuum as mine is okay for regular stuff, but this fine sand everywhere is going to need something with better suction. Oh and a couple of the movies (older VHS movies) were broken in G's little stunt. It was such a good evening until I got home. Some days you can understand why some animals eat their young...
Day 2 final
I'm running a bit behind as I had 2 writing assignements due and J has aquatic PT today so i have to pick him up like NOW.
For dinner last night I made tacos using lean ground turkey instead of beef. Lettuce, tomatoes, grated cheese, sour cream, and taco sauce on the little soft flour taco shells. i had 3 of them plus water.
For a snack in the evening I had 10 round snack crackers with cream cheese, and water.
That was a pretty good day overall for food intake.
i will write about today later when I get home...
For dinner last night I made tacos using lean ground turkey instead of beef. Lettuce, tomatoes, grated cheese, sour cream, and taco sauce on the little soft flour taco shells. i had 3 of them plus water.
For a snack in the evening I had 10 round snack crackers with cream cheese, and water.
That was a pretty good day overall for food intake.
i will write about today later when I get home...
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Day 2--mid day posting, some rambling, some food to report
Okay so a somewhat productive morning, but I did spend some time discussing pi vs tau with my best friend from college. Pi is my favorite mathematical constant, and there is a bit of a movement to use tau instead of pi when teaching about geometry, as tau=2pi (sorry for the lack of actual symbols). Anyway, it was an interesting (and short) discussion of that amazing constant pi. I guess it could be considered productive, as it brought some joy and fun to my morning, and joy is ALWAYS a step in the right direction. So, revise my initial statement--I had a productive morning!!
Anyway, I got accepted into writing for Writers Access as a freelance level 3 writer, so I will be able to get some assignments through them for some income. It takes a while to get a freelance writing gig up to the point that it can support a family. I am hoping by the end of June to have built my reputation and skills up enough to actual bring in a decent income. So being accepted at a level 3 (out of 5) is a good step, as it gives me chance to build up to a five, and thus have access to more lucrative assignments. If I can get a few more freelance places to accept me, I should be able to build up to the point of not needing to get another source of outside income by the time this transportation gig ends in mid-August. I will continue to write for Associated Content now that I have gotten back into it, and will continue to update my website (www.powerfulconsciousness.weebly.com) and this blog, as those I do for me, and doing things like contributing to the world by sharing my life, insights, and ideas brings me great joy and increases my overall wellbeing, so that is more important than the income in the long run. (Don't get me wrong, making sure I can support my family is extremely important).
Okay so, now for the food journaling for the mid portion of the day. For lunch I had a bottle of water, a 12 oz container of my homemade chicken and rice with white beans and carrots soup, and 2 cheese sticks. I had to eat the soup cold because I have nowhere to heat it up, but it was still tasty even cold. I also had a handful of salty almonds for a snack.
After picking up J and heading for G's school, I was reminded that I am not a good mother sometimes. You see, Sunday was G's b-day party, which we had at party palace in the mall. J likes to ride on those little machines you put the quarters in at the mall, and he had asked if he could ride the helicopter. I told him that on the way out we would stop if we had time, and he could ride the helicopter. Well, by the time we got out of the party palace, we were running late, as A was riding with us and had dropped the Jeep off at work, so that we could all ride together, and A had to be to work soon after the party. So we had to drop A off at work and there was no time for him to ride. I promised him that after I picked him up from school on Monday, we would stop over at the mall and he could ride the helicopter before picking up G (we have a spare 20 minutes in addition to travel time that we can use, and J's school is very near the mall). Scatter brained as I can be sometimes, I forgot all about it on Monday, and I think he did too until after dinner when he brought it up. I told him to remind me for today, and that I was very sorry that I forgot. Well this morning on the way to school he reminded me about the helicopter, and I filed it away in my brain sure I would remember. But alas when I picked him up from school, i forgot again. We headed out and got on the highway. 20 minutes later as we are getting off the highway, he asks me if we are almost to the helicopter. My heart broke, he trusted that that is where we are going as he HAD reminded me in the morning. And by that time, we did not have time to go back down and get back in time to pick G up from school. When I told him this and apologies profusely for breaking my promise, he looked so sad. Not that temper tantrum kind of sad, or that bratty screaming sad. This was real, heartfelt, sad disappointment. He accepted it, but I feel like I lost his trust, and that makes me feel very ashamed. Never promise a child something unless you can carry through, broken promises can hurt for a long, long time. And the loss of trust lasts even longer. I will take him to the helicopter tomorrow; I can't believe I forgot today again. But I could see it in his eyes, it will take some work on my end to get him to trust what I promise again. I try to be very careful with that, and this time I blew it. I pray that he can forgive me and learn again to trust that what i say i am going to do is what I am going to do. Well, I have to make dinner for the us, I'll blog briefly again later.
Day 2--A beautiful morning
Well, today has shown up bright and sunny, the snow is beginning to melt, AND I heard birds on my way in to the library. Spring is definitly on its way :)
So this morning I was a little better prepared. I brought my breakfast and lunch, and will be less likely to give into cravings and those spontaneous "ooh that looks yummy" moments.
For breakfast, after dropping the kids off, I sat near Hovey Pond (there is still too much snow toactually get in and enjoy the pond, but the parking lot is still peaceful) in my car and shut the radio off--the great peace of silence. I had 2 packets of plain instant oatmeal with diced canned peaches (in juice not syrup) and cinnamon. And a cup of hot, black tea. And about 8oz of water.
So that is a good breakfast (ar at least a good one for being prepared in the car--I need to get a hot pot that can plug into the car's lighter if I am going to be doing this for another year, which I hope to NOT be doing this long drive for another year).
I have been doing a lot of contemplating, and writing over the past week or so. I have also been able to get 3 articles finished enough to publish on associated content, and plan to do at least 1-2 each weekday as I continue on my jounrey towars wholeness. As I mentioned before, it is less about the weight loss for me than it is about reclaiming and rebuilding my life. Waking up from a long sleep, a bit groggy, but looking forward to a new day--that's what my life feels like at this point.
Anyway, here are some links to the articles I have been writing:
One on Acceptance--http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7855658/acceptance_the_art_of_taking_life_as.html
One on Forgiveness--
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7847660/forgiveness_clearing_the_path_to_wholeness.html
One on Balance--
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7847550/balance_the_first_step_to_the_rest.html
So this morning I was a little better prepared. I brought my breakfast and lunch, and will be less likely to give into cravings and those spontaneous "ooh that looks yummy" moments.
For breakfast, after dropping the kids off, I sat near Hovey Pond (there is still too much snow toactually get in and enjoy the pond, but the parking lot is still peaceful) in my car and shut the radio off--the great peace of silence. I had 2 packets of plain instant oatmeal with diced canned peaches (in juice not syrup) and cinnamon. And a cup of hot, black tea. And about 8oz of water.
So that is a good breakfast (ar at least a good one for being prepared in the car--I need to get a hot pot that can plug into the car's lighter if I am going to be doing this for another year, which I hope to NOT be doing this long drive for another year).
I have been doing a lot of contemplating, and writing over the past week or so. I have also been able to get 3 articles finished enough to publish on associated content, and plan to do at least 1-2 each weekday as I continue on my jounrey towars wholeness. As I mentioned before, it is less about the weight loss for me than it is about reclaiming and rebuilding my life. Waking up from a long sleep, a bit groggy, but looking forward to a new day--that's what my life feels like at this point.
Anyway, here are some links to the articles I have been writing:
One on Acceptance--http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7855658/acceptance_the_art_of_taking_life_as.html
One on Forgiveness--
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7847660/forgiveness_clearing_the_path_to_wholeness.html
One on Balance--
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7847550/balance_the_first_step_to_the_rest.html
Monday, March 14, 2011
Day 1--the end of the day
Okay, so to finalize my food jounraling of the day...
For dinner I had a turkey sandwich with whole wheat bread and a smidge of mayo. I also had about 8 oz of 100% grape juice.
For a night time snack I had a serving of left over chicken and rice soup (homemade with white beans and carrots). I also had 12 oz water.
Tomorrow is a new day. My hope is that not only will I be better prepared tomorrow for my meals, but that I will have a greater sense of control over my craving. some EFT and breathing meditations should help. A good night's sleep would do wonders. But alas it is midnight as I post this and my alarm goes off at 6am. I was watching Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, and should have stopped one before I did.
Off to be now. Six hours would not be too bad. I have had many years where I have averaged far less on a regular basis....Sleep tight readers...
For dinner I had a turkey sandwich with whole wheat bread and a smidge of mayo. I also had about 8 oz of 100% grape juice.
For a night time snack I had a serving of left over chicken and rice soup (homemade with white beans and carrots). I also had 12 oz water.
Tomorrow is a new day. My hope is that not only will I be better prepared tomorrow for my meals, but that I will have a greater sense of control over my craving. some EFT and breathing meditations should help. A good night's sleep would do wonders. But alas it is midnight as I post this and my alarm goes off at 6am. I was watching Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix, and should have stopped one before I did.
Off to be now. Six hours would not be too bad. I have had many years where I have averaged far less on a regular basis....Sleep tight readers...
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