It has come time to move on. I have finally gotten a call back from my family member and we spent a good long time talking today. When you have a few layers of miscommunication, and each attempt adds a layer, it takes a while to get down to what the real issues are. I was right, the little issue that should have been a simple conversation about miscommunication was truly a simple misunderstanding. But it WAS the underlying more problematic issue that was complicating matters. Though I was the one that saw it as underlying and they were considering it THE issue. Which was one of the other layers of miscommunication. I was trying to address the one simple communication glitch to get a simple answer, and they were dealing with that as on off shoot of the other issue. Well, needless to say, it was a long and difficult though very beneficial conversation. I was very glad to finally clear that up. It is going to take a while to let go of the residual emotions, and of course let go of the places where we do not agree. It was time to move on, I had already made that decision before the conversation. So it is providence that we were able to have the conversation that makes it possible to move on fully.
Okay on to food blogging. I had a no real lunch just a handful of dried cranberries and two graham crackers in the car. I had a cup of water after getting home. We had box macaroni and cheese with a hot dog for dinner, I supplemented with left over brown rice and snow peas with butter salt and pepper. This evening I have had two pieces of toast with butter.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Day 23--Good Grief!!
Good Grief!! I forgot to do my weigh in again. I know you are probably thinking that I am afraid of my weigh in given the emotional eating pattern I have had over the past few days. I have actually made it to almost noon and have not cried today, so that is good. I did spend a lot of time with my feelings last night and this morning, I have done some exercises to let things go. I was actually able to sleep last night and meditate a bit this morning. So, slowly the fog is clearing, and I am moving back up the emotional ladder. Acceptance is sometimes a very hard thing, but it is part of letting go and moving forward. So i have accepted this situation, forgiven myself and my family member for each of the roles we have played. I let my sister know that when she is ready to talk, that I am ready to as well. And that she can take whatever time she needs. So, I am at a better place with all this. No, the situation itself has not changed, and there is still a lot of work to do no both of our parts to heal this rift that has opened between us, but I am finally okay with the rift, I am okay with the situation. It is what it is, and in time all wounds heal. So I am taking some steps up the emotional ladder, and waking up my life again after a few days where I have been separate from it.
As for my title and the expression "Good Grief" yes, grief can be good sometimes, as it can awaken us to areas in our past that are hidden and embedded and may be causing trouble without us realizing it. While the past 4-5 days have been emotionally horrible for me, without the grief that I felt, I never would have discovered the lurking lack of forgiveness in an older situation that I had left behind. So as long as you don't get trapped by it, grief can be good when you look at the big picture.
I still have not quite gotten my eating under control again as I went to McDonald's for a Sausage McMuffin with Egg, hash browns, and a medium coffee with cream and sugar this morning. While that is neither good for my health or my finances, I am at a better place within myself now. Tomorrow I will be back to my yogurt and oatmeal, and back to breathing more freely.
If you are wondering about the Emotional Ladder, it is a concept from the writings for Esther and Jerry Hicks. It is well detailed in their book "Ask & It Is Given". The 22 rungs of the ladder (levels of emotion) are from 22--Depression/Grief/Despair up to level 1--Joy, appreciation, love. I seem to have left the book in the car, as I was reading it by the pond this morning. I have read it before and actual have to book on CD as well, so it is one that I find extremely helpful to read again and again. I will provide a link to the book in the right hand column, and by next week will move it to my website page specifically designed for my readers of this blog who want to know more about things that I mention here. That page is forever a work in progress and will be updated regularly. It can be found here.
As for my title and the expression "Good Grief" yes, grief can be good sometimes, as it can awaken us to areas in our past that are hidden and embedded and may be causing trouble without us realizing it. While the past 4-5 days have been emotionally horrible for me, without the grief that I felt, I never would have discovered the lurking lack of forgiveness in an older situation that I had left behind. So as long as you don't get trapped by it, grief can be good when you look at the big picture.
I still have not quite gotten my eating under control again as I went to McDonald's for a Sausage McMuffin with Egg, hash browns, and a medium coffee with cream and sugar this morning. While that is neither good for my health or my finances, I am at a better place within myself now. Tomorrow I will be back to my yogurt and oatmeal, and back to breathing more freely.
If you are wondering about the Emotional Ladder, it is a concept from the writings for Esther and Jerry Hicks. It is well detailed in their book "Ask & It Is Given". The 22 rungs of the ladder (levels of emotion) are from 22--Depression/Grief/Despair up to level 1--Joy, appreciation, love. I seem to have left the book in the car, as I was reading it by the pond this morning. I have read it before and actual have to book on CD as well, so it is one that I find extremely helpful to read again and again. I will provide a link to the book in the right hand column, and by next week will move it to my website page specifically designed for my readers of this blog who want to know more about things that I mention here. That page is forever a work in progress and will be updated regularly. It can be found here.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Day 22-evening and sleepy
Okay so eating wise it has been a very uncontrolled day. I just keep telling myself "it will get better it will get better" I am trying to let it go, as that is the only thing than can help. So breathing, meditating, finding better feeling thoughts, etc....Letting It Go.
Okay food journal since my last post
I stopped at Taco bell/LJS and had a piece of fish, a soft taco supreme and my favorite, a 7-layer burrito
I also had a medium brewed tea (unsweetened)
At some point this after noon I had a handful of goldfish crackers (maybe 10 max, I was giving J a snack)
For dinner we had egg noodles with beef bullion, pinto beans and corn (all together)
I also had 2 pieces of wheat toast with butter
Late this evening I had a bowl of corn flakes with milk.
And I drank at least 8 glasses of water throughout the day.
Well, I am going to go to bed soon. If I can get sleep, I think I will have a better day tomorrow. What a sucky blog this is becoming, I have spent like the last 4 days with sad, blue, grumpy rambling about my yucky feelings. So, well it is a real life. It is time to move forward and find a better attitude.
Okay food journal since my last post
I stopped at Taco bell/LJS and had a piece of fish, a soft taco supreme and my favorite, a 7-layer burrito
I also had a medium brewed tea (unsweetened)
At some point this after noon I had a handful of goldfish crackers (maybe 10 max, I was giving J a snack)
For dinner we had egg noodles with beef bullion, pinto beans and corn (all together)
I also had 2 pieces of wheat toast with butter
Late this evening I had a bowl of corn flakes with milk.
And I drank at least 8 glasses of water throughout the day.
Well, I am going to go to bed soon. If I can get sleep, I think I will have a better day tomorrow. What a sucky blog this is becoming, I have spent like the last 4 days with sad, blue, grumpy rambling about my yucky feelings. So, well it is a real life. It is time to move forward and find a better attitude.
Day 22--I forgot to weigh in this morning
This weekend was very emotionally challenging, and I feel very drained. So I have not slept well, and as such I was an idiot this morning and forgot to do my weigh in. I hope you all can forgive me for that. I will weigh in tomorrow, and post a pic of the weigh in.
I don't even think I blogged yesterday, and my scattered brain can not remember exactly what I ate (that is why I try to food journal on the blog twice a day as it is easy to forget, especially when your mind is very preoccupied. I know that yesterday I had:
A bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat with milk in the morning
And i made pancakes, scrambled eggs, and sausage for lunch for all of us.
I am sure I snacked in the afternoon, probably cereal
For dinner we had brown rice with butter, salt and pepper, hot dogs, and snow peas.
Sometime in the evening I remember having a bowl of All Bran Strawberry Medley with milk
And I drank a full pot of tea between mid-morning and bed time (it was cold by mid-afternoon, but I drink it cold).
I think I actually ate more than that, but it is fuzzy....
Like I said I eat as a way to control strong emotions, and this weekend I have just let this situation rise to a crushing level within me. And I do not have any other coping skills that are well established enough to really have any effect, so I resort to my primary coping skill--food. Not healthy, but we all have to survive however we can. i am not writing this to bitch or to defend my eating habits, just to remind myself that there are time to be gentle to your spirit, even if you do not like the way you have responded to things. You can not get better, can not grow if you spend a lot of energy putting yourself down.
Today I stopped at Burger King and had a coffee, orange juice, sausage, egg and cheese sandwich, and their hash browns. Some days I just don't care. There are many more important things in the world and in my life than what I am eating. But I made a commitment to blog, and even though I don't know if anyone else is reading it, I will still blog. I will keep my word on that. I'll write again later. I feel down right now, and maybe getting back into the swing of things will help me feel better...so later the post should be better...
I don't even think I blogged yesterday, and my scattered brain can not remember exactly what I ate (that is why I try to food journal on the blog twice a day as it is easy to forget, especially when your mind is very preoccupied. I know that yesterday I had:
A bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat with milk in the morning
And i made pancakes, scrambled eggs, and sausage for lunch for all of us.
I am sure I snacked in the afternoon, probably cereal
For dinner we had brown rice with butter, salt and pepper, hot dogs, and snow peas.
Sometime in the evening I remember having a bowl of All Bran Strawberry Medley with milk
And I drank a full pot of tea between mid-morning and bed time (it was cold by mid-afternoon, but I drink it cold).
I think I actually ate more than that, but it is fuzzy....
Like I said I eat as a way to control strong emotions, and this weekend I have just let this situation rise to a crushing level within me. And I do not have any other coping skills that are well established enough to really have any effect, so I resort to my primary coping skill--food. Not healthy, but we all have to survive however we can. i am not writing this to bitch or to defend my eating habits, just to remind myself that there are time to be gentle to your spirit, even if you do not like the way you have responded to things. You can not get better, can not grow if you spend a lot of energy putting yourself down.
Today I stopped at Burger King and had a coffee, orange juice, sausage, egg and cheese sandwich, and their hash browns. Some days I just don't care. There are many more important things in the world and in my life than what I am eating. But I made a commitment to blog, and even though I don't know if anyone else is reading it, I will still blog. I will keep my word on that. I'll write again later. I feel down right now, and maybe getting back into the swing of things will help me feel better...so later the post should be better...
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Day 20--a hard day
The effects of the situation that I talked about yesterday have been festering in my mind. I had horrible insomnia last night--perseverating on a situation that I have no way to change and have tried multiple approaches to discuss the issue. but if the other person refuses to address it, there is nothing I can do. At this point, the side effect of NOT being able to dialog with a person who is UNWILLING to dialog has left me feeling deep grief. I feel like I have lost my family member because of this.
I am actually beside myself today. And I don't care how I cope with this at this point, I just need to get through the day and hope that I can have a better sleep tonight and wake up able to accept that I have done all I can that I feel is appropriate for me to do, and just move on. Everything works out in the end, it just may be a long time for this to work its way out. But today I just feel really raw, depressed, heavy....
So basic food journal:
2 bowls of frosted shredded wheat with milk.
2 eggs Over easy with dry toast (no butter as I was out)
1 left over chicken burger on wheat bread with mayo
2 tuna fish sandwiches
4 cups of tea
3 glasses of water
and 2 oz of cheddar cheese
I believe that was it....I am going to try to watch something on netflix now as the kids are napping and I just need to get my focus on ANYTHING else...Things like this make me feel very lonely. I miss having A as a spouse (their is a lot that I miss about that) and times like this you just want to curl up in your loves arms and be comforted. But alas I am not ready to get that close to A again right now, and a would read a lot into it. So I will just have to feel lonely in this particular episode of grief...
I am actually beside myself today. And I don't care how I cope with this at this point, I just need to get through the day and hope that I can have a better sleep tonight and wake up able to accept that I have done all I can that I feel is appropriate for me to do, and just move on. Everything works out in the end, it just may be a long time for this to work its way out. But today I just feel really raw, depressed, heavy....
So basic food journal:
2 bowls of frosted shredded wheat with milk.
2 eggs Over easy with dry toast (no butter as I was out)
1 left over chicken burger on wheat bread with mayo
2 tuna fish sandwiches
4 cups of tea
3 glasses of water
and 2 oz of cheddar cheese
I believe that was it....I am going to try to watch something on netflix now as the kids are napping and I just need to get my focus on ANYTHING else...Things like this make me feel very lonely. I miss having A as a spouse (their is a lot that I miss about that) and times like this you just want to curl up in your loves arms and be comforted. But alas I am not ready to get that close to A again right now, and a would read a lot into it. So I will just have to feel lonely in this particular episode of grief...
Friday, April 1, 2011
day 19--the end of the day, the end of the week...
Well, as odd as it seems, after such a raw day, I had a peaceful, gentle evening with A and the boys. We cooked dinner together, which is a rarity, and when we have such nice times it is easy to acknowledge how much I do miss A. There is a reason we got together, and all the bad things do not negate the good things in our relationship. We made burgers with ground chicken, oatmeal, egg, and spices, and they came out great. I chopped up some fresh potatoes for french fries,and we all had a yummy and nice family dinner together.
A knew I was upset about this whole drama idiocy going on with a certain couple of family members, and so it was nice to just have a very pleasant time together. A did ask to spend the night (and sleep on the living room floor as A has done before if I need A here for the boys in the morning) after the boys went to bed and I said no. Lets enjoy the good evening of friendship we are sharing, and focus on our friendship. I also pointed out that with bronchitis and a sinus infection, sleeping on my floor, getting run over by the cats and dog who sound like a herd of elephants chasing each other around the house at night, and then being woken up by the boys at 6:30 in the morning, then having to work from 3pm to 11pm--well, it would just not be taking care of yourself to do that. So A went home, and I am getting ready for bed.
I think I am going to watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix. I am somewhere in season 2. I like netflix, I get to watch shows on my time, and don't have the pressure of having to catch a program at a specific time. I watch so little TV (aside from the kids movies that the kids watch) that there is no point in having cable or satellite anyway. Netflix is perfect for my lifestyle.
Okay so a final blog about my eats today. I had a chicken sandwich from Stewart's and 1/4 of a little single serve bag of sour cream and onion chips (J's favorite and he ate the rest when I picked him up) and water, of course, for lunch.
For dinner I did eat 2 of the burgers on wheat bread--they were SO tasty, and some home made fries, a banana and a cup of milk.
I am about to have a bowl of shredded wheat with a banana and milk for a snack while I watch my show. That's it....
Have a good night all...
A knew I was upset about this whole drama idiocy going on with a certain couple of family members, and so it was nice to just have a very pleasant time together. A did ask to spend the night (and sleep on the living room floor as A has done before if I need A here for the boys in the morning) after the boys went to bed and I said no. Lets enjoy the good evening of friendship we are sharing, and focus on our friendship. I also pointed out that with bronchitis and a sinus infection, sleeping on my floor, getting run over by the cats and dog who sound like a herd of elephants chasing each other around the house at night, and then being woken up by the boys at 6:30 in the morning, then having to work from 3pm to 11pm--well, it would just not be taking care of yourself to do that. So A went home, and I am getting ready for bed.
I think I am going to watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix. I am somewhere in season 2. I like netflix, I get to watch shows on my time, and don't have the pressure of having to catch a program at a specific time. I watch so little TV (aside from the kids movies that the kids watch) that there is no point in having cable or satellite anyway. Netflix is perfect for my lifestyle.
Okay so a final blog about my eats today. I had a chicken sandwich from Stewart's and 1/4 of a little single serve bag of sour cream and onion chips (J's favorite and he ate the rest when I picked him up) and water, of course, for lunch.
For dinner I did eat 2 of the burgers on wheat bread--they were SO tasty, and some home made fries, a banana and a cup of milk.
I am about to have a bowl of shredded wheat with a banana and milk for a snack while I watch my show. That's it....
Have a good night all...
Day 19--Aggravation and forgiveness
Okay, so a few weeks back I had been writing about forgiveness (a little on my blog but wrote an article about it as well, which can be found here.) It is probably not really something that most people would blog about, as it is an interpersonal conflict, but I have found that writing about struggles can help open my eyes to a different perspective, and I write about it publicly becasue I know that I am not the only one that struggles with these type of issues, so maybe knowing you are not alone, AND seeing my mental processing in print may help someone else find a way to resolve their situation. I have not really found a way through the issue that was presenting itself. There is a secondary issue in this situation which for some reason seems to be entwined with it. The secondary issue really should be a no brainer as it is a basic miscommunication somewhere, but all of my efforts to repair the miscommunication in the secondary issue have been met with resistance and childishness, and the absolute refusal of the other party to try to discuss this (which is why I believe that the longer standing issue to being intertwined with the secondary issue unnecessarily).
As I have grown more and more aggravated with the situation, which I did try to deal with very diplomatically, professionally, and without undue emotion, I am just reaching my wits end. I am so frustrated and it is destroying a very important and valuable relationship that I have with one of my siblings. I am at a loss as to how to proceed. As some of the problem started over verbal miscommunication, I tried to clarify in writing via email. I received a very nasty email back which was confusing to me. So I very carefully wrote a professional, diplomatic email detailing what my confusion was, what I had thought we had agreed upon, and why I would like clarification. I heard nothing for weeks. I tried to ask in person if my email had been received and tried to ask if they could provide clarification, but was told that it was the wrong time to discuss it and that I have to talk to the other half of the couple. So I was even more confused, as I felt like it was being treated as an argument and not a miscommunication.
Finally this morning in my exasperation about the whole situation, I called this person again to ask for him to please respond so that we could resolve the matter. His call back to me was that he would not respond and was too busy. And that maybe he would call when he had time to deal with me. Now I am positive it is about a LOT more than the actual issue at hand. But for some reason neither of them is willing to talk with me about it. So I feel like......well I dont' know what I feel, confused-hurt-flabbergasted-mindboggled? Why is there all this drama surrounding what should be a simple issue? Why is the former situation, which I thought was resolved and we had moved past, still making a mess of a much simpler miscommunication issue?
Maybe I am drawing it to myself. Maybe I really have not forgiven my family member for the choices that she made that I feel did so much damage to so many members of my family. Maybe I need to find a way to forgive myself for feeling the way I do about a situation that is in the past. I honestly thought I had forgiven and moved on, but with this issue current in the tension, I find that I can not separate my feelings about the past from their judgement and treatment of me now. I feel like I stood by her even when it was traumatic and painful and potentially fatal, so why can't she stand by me when it is merely annoying and slightly uncomfortable? It makes me go to that place that screams "I deserve to be loved too!" I know that may seem weird to some of you, but we all have those weird places we go in our minds.
I have had a lot of ups and downs in life, have struggled with clinical depression, and have overcome past trauma. I spent a lot of time working on those feeling of self-worth, self-respect, and self-confidence. A few years ago, I finally broke away from old friend doubt. I know, without a doubt, that God loves me as I am, and always has and always will. I know without a doubt that I am lovable and worthy of being loved. And I know without the need for outside input, that I am whole and complete just as I am. yes, there is always room for improvement, but I am who I am and that is perpetually the best being that I can be at the moment, and it is good. So when I suddenly have old, nasty self-deprecating feelings, or the need to defend my right to be loved, I know something is amiss. I do not have any need of defending something that is just a given. So it tells me how much this situation is clawing at the recesses of my heart, mind and soul.
What is challenging me the most is that absolute refusal from the other side to try to find resolution. I don't know how to work through interpersonal issues without an interpersonal dialog of some sort. I feel trapped in this weird cycle of aggravation leading to my own inability to forgive when being shunned for a similar issue which leads me to more aggravation because I want to forgive. So perhaps this is here, now because in order to move forward in my own transformation, in order to find and accept healing from the Universe, in order to grow spiritually, I need to dig out the old, hidden junk that is hiding in the closest of my soul. It is not up to my sister or her husband to create the forgiveness that this situation needs. I am starting to really realize as I write this that it is ME that needs to forgive, to find a way to make peace with myself in regards to that old situation, and to find a way to let it go. That is what I have to work on. That is what I have to fill those dark, dank corners of my soul with light, and bring them before God. I have not been able to let them go on my own, I have just buried them.
So meditation, journaling, maybe even blogging about those impacted crap parts of my inner self will bring light where there is darkness, and allow me to find why I am holding on to them, and be able to release them from myself. How can I heal the outer relationships when the inner relationship with God and with self is filled with crap? For now, I need to let the outer stuff lie there. I can't fix what is wrong in it. I can only fix what is not right within me, and then bring that repaired, freed person to the table when the time is right to heal the conflict in our relationship.
Well, that is where I am today.
And if you are following the food journaling and wondering how the heck I am going to lose 80 pounds in 80 days when I ate McDonald's yesterday and am having a grip fest about things in my life--well, mind over matter is what I am hoping for. But again it is not about the weight loss (regardless of the name of the blog), it is about the whole person transformation, of which weight is a small, but externally measurable, part. So for today:
I have had a bottle of water, a med coffee with cream and 1 sugar, and my standard vanilla low fat yogurt with oatmeal and dried cranberries.
As I have grown more and more aggravated with the situation, which I did try to deal with very diplomatically, professionally, and without undue emotion, I am just reaching my wits end. I am so frustrated and it is destroying a very important and valuable relationship that I have with one of my siblings. I am at a loss as to how to proceed. As some of the problem started over verbal miscommunication, I tried to clarify in writing via email. I received a very nasty email back which was confusing to me. So I very carefully wrote a professional, diplomatic email detailing what my confusion was, what I had thought we had agreed upon, and why I would like clarification. I heard nothing for weeks. I tried to ask in person if my email had been received and tried to ask if they could provide clarification, but was told that it was the wrong time to discuss it and that I have to talk to the other half of the couple. So I was even more confused, as I felt like it was being treated as an argument and not a miscommunication.
Finally this morning in my exasperation about the whole situation, I called this person again to ask for him to please respond so that we could resolve the matter. His call back to me was that he would not respond and was too busy. And that maybe he would call when he had time to deal with me. Now I am positive it is about a LOT more than the actual issue at hand. But for some reason neither of them is willing to talk with me about it. So I feel like......well I dont' know what I feel, confused-hurt-flabbergasted-mindboggled? Why is there all this drama surrounding what should be a simple issue? Why is the former situation, which I thought was resolved and we had moved past, still making a mess of a much simpler miscommunication issue?
Maybe I am drawing it to myself. Maybe I really have not forgiven my family member for the choices that she made that I feel did so much damage to so many members of my family. Maybe I need to find a way to forgive myself for feeling the way I do about a situation that is in the past. I honestly thought I had forgiven and moved on, but with this issue current in the tension, I find that I can not separate my feelings about the past from their judgement and treatment of me now. I feel like I stood by her even when it was traumatic and painful and potentially fatal, so why can't she stand by me when it is merely annoying and slightly uncomfortable? It makes me go to that place that screams "I deserve to be loved too!" I know that may seem weird to some of you, but we all have those weird places we go in our minds.
I have had a lot of ups and downs in life, have struggled with clinical depression, and have overcome past trauma. I spent a lot of time working on those feeling of self-worth, self-respect, and self-confidence. A few years ago, I finally broke away from old friend doubt. I know, without a doubt, that God loves me as I am, and always has and always will. I know without a doubt that I am lovable and worthy of being loved. And I know without the need for outside input, that I am whole and complete just as I am. yes, there is always room for improvement, but I am who I am and that is perpetually the best being that I can be at the moment, and it is good. So when I suddenly have old, nasty self-deprecating feelings, or the need to defend my right to be loved, I know something is amiss. I do not have any need of defending something that is just a given. So it tells me how much this situation is clawing at the recesses of my heart, mind and soul.
What is challenging me the most is that absolute refusal from the other side to try to find resolution. I don't know how to work through interpersonal issues without an interpersonal dialog of some sort. I feel trapped in this weird cycle of aggravation leading to my own inability to forgive when being shunned for a similar issue which leads me to more aggravation because I want to forgive. So perhaps this is here, now because in order to move forward in my own transformation, in order to find and accept healing from the Universe, in order to grow spiritually, I need to dig out the old, hidden junk that is hiding in the closest of my soul. It is not up to my sister or her husband to create the forgiveness that this situation needs. I am starting to really realize as I write this that it is ME that needs to forgive, to find a way to make peace with myself in regards to that old situation, and to find a way to let it go. That is what I have to work on. That is what I have to fill those dark, dank corners of my soul with light, and bring them before God. I have not been able to let them go on my own, I have just buried them.
So meditation, journaling, maybe even blogging about those impacted crap parts of my inner self will bring light where there is darkness, and allow me to find why I am holding on to them, and be able to release them from myself. How can I heal the outer relationships when the inner relationship with God and with self is filled with crap? For now, I need to let the outer stuff lie there. I can't fix what is wrong in it. I can only fix what is not right within me, and then bring that repaired, freed person to the table when the time is right to heal the conflict in our relationship.
Well, that is where I am today.
And if you are following the food journaling and wondering how the heck I am going to lose 80 pounds in 80 days when I ate McDonald's yesterday and am having a grip fest about things in my life--well, mind over matter is what I am hoping for. But again it is not about the weight loss (regardless of the name of the blog), it is about the whole person transformation, of which weight is a small, but externally measurable, part. So for today:
I have had a bottle of water, a med coffee with cream and 1 sugar, and my standard vanilla low fat yogurt with oatmeal and dried cranberries.
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