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Monday, June 17, 2013

Gratitude, helping hands, and growth

Life again reminds me of how blessed I am, even if society tells me that I have little and am "poor".   I look around and I know that I am rich.  As we were driving home yesterday from the kids visiting my ex, there was a man at the end of the exit ramp from the highway.  He was holding a sign that said "living on a prayer...please help!"  At first I just drove by him, ignoring like everyone else does, with those cynical thoughts that judge the man and his actions or the decisions that might have led him to this point of begging for help on the side of the road.  And as my heart tugged, and my spirit protested, I realized that I was being "just like everyone else" in judging a person I did not know, and deciding that he was not worthy.  I realized that I know nothing about this man, his history, his life experiences, or what he thinks and feels.  

But I do know what it is like to be very down on my luck, to have made choices that have created scarcity and lack in my life, and to be stuck in patterns of thinking  or behaving that have made it difficult to rise above the challenges of life.  And I know how amazing even a kind word or an offering of understanding and/or help is when in that situation.  The gratitude that I have felt from those who reach out with kindness, compassion and love...that has given me the strength to keep going when life felt hopeless, and to being to long, arduous climb out of the despair  pain, and challenges that I had been facing. 

While some people did not like how long it took, or the path I took as I regained my footing in life, or gave up before they gave me the time to find my feet, it is okay, because their generosity and care DID make a difference even if they did not have the patience to wait and see it as it grew.  From kind words and shared stories of strangers on the bus, in the park, or from customers I was waiting on, to the gifts of a place to live, a warm meal, or funds to pay my bills, every gift of compassion, every act of love made a difference in my life.  

Regardless of where someone is or how they got there, all people deserve love and compassion, even if it seems to be not helping, I guarantee that NO act of love is missing its impact.  Every act of love makes a difference, even if it takes a while for that seed of love and care that you plant to blossom in the person you plant it in.  And it is not up to you or I how that seed blossoms, you do not always know what flower or plant will come from it, and you do not know the path that is best for any other person, including your siblings, parents, or even your children.  Act with love, compassion, and care, and every person will benefit.  Because acts of love, no matter how small, bring healing to even the most broken soul, even if their anger or pain gets in the way of them embracing it right away.  Do not judge the path they are on, the path they have taken in the past, nor the path they take in the future...it is THEIR path, just as your path is your own.  Everything you give of yourself and your resources affects the world, give gifts worthy of your soul...and keep judgement for your choices of the melons in the grocery store.


Saturday, May 11, 2013

Best Depression post ever--again

Allie, blogger of Hyperbole-and-a-Half, did a post about depression about a year and a half ago that was such a spot on description of what depression (not sadness  not the blues, not a bad day...real, clinical depression) feels like as it creeps up on you and becomes debilitating.  And I thought that i was the best post on depression that had ever been done, resonates with those of us who have experienced life affecting depression, and is descriptive enough for people who have not experienced it to have a much clearer understanding of what their family and friends who do have clinical depression experience.  A very good introduction to depression for those who want to understand it better--and one that will make you laugh (unless you are in the unable to feel anything phase of depression).

However, I was blown away today by the amazing post by Allie that has arrived over a year and a half after her initial depression post.  If anyone could describe the experience of being depressed and of being unable to feel or access emotion better, I have never see it.  Her followup post about this horrible topic is even more spot-on than the first, and will make you want to both laugh and cry (if you are able to).  So I encourage all of you who struggle with depression to read it and know you are not alone, and that there is hope even if you don't care about having hope at this point.  And for all the rest of you, READ IT, because someone in your life was, is now, or will someday be struggling with this level of depression in their lives.  1 in 4 people struggle with it at some point int heir life.

 For some it is a one time struggle, for others of us, it is a challenge that has its ebb and flow throughout our life.  I fall into the latter, though have been blessed with the family, therapists, friends, spiritual teachers, bloggers, online connections, and other  loved ones who have all helped in some way to help me find my path and to recognize when I need to step back and take care of myself.

Depression is not a friendly struggle, it is not like a the common cold that comes, makes you a little under the weather for a while and then leaves.  It is more insidious than that.  It lies under the surface, and takes daily practices to help keep it from growing, letting it lay there without focusing on it, just let it be, while making sure other things that bring satisfaction fill the space above it so it can not raise its head.  Instead remembering daily to focus on the good in life, to express gratitude, to see the wonder of every day--even if it is a crappy day or one that makes you so stressed out that you have a little tantrum at the end of the day and throw an empty beer can into the yard. It takes making sure you get enough sleep, enough good food (and less junk), enough time and space to yourself, and enough time and space shared with others.  It takes making sure there are things in your life that have meaning to you--be it volunteering, gardening, raising poultry, playing with children, watching a movie, playing games, making music, taking a walk, enjoying nature, or just meditating on the things around you.  It takes learning how to breathe to keep in balance, learning to drink water, and remembering to get out and move your body so everything stays stretched out.  Depression is not something you can fight, it is something you have to gently let go and walk a way from gently, grabbing better feeling thoughts, better feeling actions, better feeling connections, so that depression can not hold on to you as strongly.  It takes staying aware of yourself  so that you know when things are starting to get out whack, when depression is trying to grow, and when those stresses in life are getting beyond what the practices you are doing (or have neglected to do) can help manage.

Going from depressed to at peace to even joyous is a process, it does not happen overnight, and falling back into having it control life doesn't happen overnight either.  Knowing that I WANT to feel better, gives me the hope that I can, and the strength to take the baby steps, even feeling just a little bit better can change the world, and the feeling a little bit better and a little bit better....  I am glad that I am not in that place of hopelessness or lack of feeling, that stagnant valley in life with depression where you just  ARE and life just IS and you are just keep going for lack of any reason not to.  I have been there, it is a foggy, gray way to live.  but it is living, which is better than not, and it is temporary even if you have been stuck for a long time. I sometimes wonder if that is how some active addicts feel.  They go to work, they come home, they open a beer, the play their games, because that low lying depression just has a hold and will not let go.  Beer (or whatever else) just keeps it at bay, lets they stay in the same pattern they have been--one of survival, but not thriving, one of numbness where they don't have to think about things that hurt (like past trauma or lost loved ones or broken dreams), they just want to keep going.  IT becomes a habit and they get stuck, and don't know how to even want something different, to want something more, something that can help them thrive an soar.  I know about stuck, I know about going through the motions day after day, month after month, year after year--with pockets of hope, with pockets of the idea that something can be better.  But until you deal with the hooks that hold you to depression--be it the actions we do that are actually mal-adaptive coping mechanisms  or the experiences that pushed up into need to cope that we got stuck with the cope and never brought the experience to resolution, or even just the belief about ourselves that we don't server more--or all three hooks (usually it takes addressing all three--the actions we do that keep us where we are, the experiences that led us to take those actions, and the way we feel about ourselves and our own worth), until you can loosen those hooks, until you WANT to loosen those hooks and enter the unfamiliar territory of hope and joy and LIFE, depression keeps its hold.  And I have to say that Allie has it spot on, that sometimes something so small and seemingly insignificant can break the fog, and bring in some rays of sunshine.  And the process towards healing begins... I wish you all a shriveled piece of corn under the fridge... may you find that life might be worth it, and even possibly that joy might be worth it too...because the truth is YOU are worth it...

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

A short update

Okay, so this April has been a whirlwind of activity...

First off JM has moved in, earlier than we had talked about our our relationship is still young, but I live in a very rural, isolated area, and finding a year round full-time job is very difficult, especially one with benefits.  Well a job opened up in JM's field, and we agreed that applying was the best idea as it would likely not come around again soon.  So even though we are moving in a few months before we had talked about, I think it will be okay.  I had not planned to still be getting to know each other and each other's histories while co-habitating  but the present is now and the past is past, so we can focus on who we are now and where we want to go from here.  So a week ago JM moved in, and started orientation and training at work.  The kids are adjusting well, JM is adjusting to the kids well, and life is in the process of finding a new normal.

The snow is finally almost gone, just a few stubborn snowbanks left and many areas area already thawed and the mud dried up, though still some frozen ground spots and some muddy, recently thawed spots.  The fire pit is finally out of the snow, so we cooked hot dogs over a little campfire last night in the backyard, though it got cold fast as the sun was going down.  I did finally get my seeds planted in seedling cups (well egg cartons and re-purposed empty single serve fruit cups and yogurt.  Hopefully many will grow well and the frost risk will be gone by May 15th, though May 30th at the latest.  It has been a slow spring, but sometimes that means that the last frost will be in early may instead of a surprise cold snap in late May.  So looking forward to a good garden this year--lots of variety of veggies and herbs, and a a few different kinds of some veggies. I still have more to plant, but planted the longer season ones now, and next week will plant the ones that are shorter--mainly because I ran out of containers.

Kids are doing well....I had their annual CSE meetings and BOTH are flourishing in their current programs. Both will continue those programs next year with minor changes that give them a little less support int eh hopes that they are ready to be a little more independent.  Both still have a VERY high level of support, but weaning them down is good.  I am very proud of my boys for how hard they have worked towards their own success, and very grateful to all the school program personnel (so many more people than just the teacher, though the teacher is obviously a central force included in that) for the progress and attachments the kids have experienced this year.

Monday, April 8, 2013

quick post

This is just a quick post to say hi and let you all know I'm still here.  Life has been very busy, a lot of changes coming up--job, babysitter, significant other...a lot of sickness just passed--colds, flu, ear infections,sinus infections...fun, fun, fun.... so, yeah, the snow is slowly melting, mud season is upon us here in the mountains (low lying areas are already snow free and dry ground, I still sink up to my knee in the snow in the back yard), windows are open airing out the house finally, and the birds have started to return.... yippee.... I am so ready for spring...need to get my seeds started this week for the garden too....

I actually have a couple of other posts that I started but have not yet finished, so i will get back to at least one of those, hopefully tomorrow or Wednesday.

BUT I just wanted to write a quick hello to all my neglected internet people.... Happy Spring :) !

Friday, March 22, 2013

Low carb,very flavorful lunch

So today I decided that I am getting tired of tuna fish with pickles,celery, and laugh cow cheese wedge, wrapped in a kale leaf.  While is tasty, it is getting old to have it too often.  So todayforlunch I triedsoemthign new:

one small to medium size boneless,skinless chicken breast, cubed
1/2 medium onion,sliced
2 TBS virgin coconut oil
1-2cloves garlic,chopped
1 1/2 tsp chili powder
herbs and spices (I used some oregano and some dried parsely)
salt and pepper
1/4 to 1/2 cup water

In a small frying pan, I heated coconut oil,then sliced the onions (you can chop them if you prefer), and caramelized them in the heated oil.  I chopped 2 medium cloves of garlic and added it ot the pan to raost with the caramelized onions.  I cubed a boneless,skinless chicken breast,and added it to the pan, tossing with the onions and garlic,and let the outside surfaces sear.  After the chicken browned on the surface, I added  the chili powder, salt, pepper, herbs and spices as desired. Then I reduced heat and added 1/4 to 1/2 cup of warm water to simmer,which de-glazed the pan while the chicken cooked and to steam cook the chicken and blend the flavors. I let it simmer for about 10-15 minutes, until the water had cooked out, with occasional stirring.

I completed the meal with some steamed broccoli on the side and a large glass of water.  A great, tasty, protien rich, low-carb lunch.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Protein counts, low carb focus


As I am trying to drastically reduce the amount of carbohydrates in my diet (less than 70-grams a day is the goal), due to the diabetes, I am finding that I am taking in a LOT of fat in place of the carbs, which is not such a good thing.  Not only does fat have more than twice as many calories gram for gram, but too much fat in a diet is not good either.  So, I know increasing protein would be the best way to go, and I have found that I am not that savvy on lower fat, higher protein choices.  So, I have been looking in a variety of places, such as about.com's low carb dietshealthaliciousness,  and an eHow article on vegetarian protien, and have made the following spreadsheet to help me plan my menus, which may help others who are looking for high protein  low carb eating plans.

So, here are some basics:
  • In general, 1 oz meat or fish is approximately 7 grams of Protein, so one serving of 3-4 oz (the size of an average person's palm approximately) would have around 20-30 grams of protein.
  • Obviously, leaner meats have high protein per ounce, fatty meats have lower
  • Most Plant based protein sources also contain carbohydrates in fairly high amounts, though good for you in many ways, if you are watching carbs, be aware of carbhydrate amounts aside plant proteins


Grams of:
Grams of:
Grams of:

Beef

Protein
Carbohydrates
Fat
Calories
Ground Beef, 93% lean
 4 oz
24.0
0.0
8.0
170.0
Ground Beef, regular
4 oz
18.8
0.0
30.1
351.5
Steak, Porterhouse
 6 oz
36.2
0.0
12.2
265.4
Steak, T-bone
6 oz
40.9
0.0
29.4
438.8
Steak, round cut
6 oz
38.8
0.0
6.6
224.5
Steak, flank
per ounce
5.8
0.0
2.1
43.7






Chicken





Chicken breast, with skin
3.5 oz
30.0
0.0
13.4
249.4
Chicken breast, without skin
3.5 oz
26.8
0.0
3.2
142.9
Chicken thigh
3.5 oz
13.9
0.0
3.9
119.0
Drumstick
average size
12.8
0.0
2.1
73.8
Wing
average size
7.2
0.0
1.2
50.2
Chicken meat, cooked
3.5 oz
27.1
0.0
4.1
153.0






Fish





Most fish fillets or steaks
4 oz
30.7
0.0
1.9
148.6
Most fish, cooked
3 oz
22.0
0.0
3.8
126.7
Tuna, can in water
 5 oz
36.2
0.0
1.2
164.4






Pork





Pork chop
3 oz 
23.4
0.0
7.7
169.2
Pork loin or tenderloin
3 oz
25.0
0.0
7.0
171.0
Ham, Lean (5%)
3.5 oz
19.4
0.0
5.0
131.0
Ham, regular (11%)
3.5 oz
17.6
0.0
10.6
182.0
Ground pork
 1 oz raw
4.8
0.0
6.0
74.6
Ground pork
3 oz cooked
21.8
0.0
17.7
252.5
Bacon
 1 slice
3.6
0.0
3.1
43.3
Canadian style bacon (back bacon)
 1 slice
5.6
0.3
2.0
43.0






Eggs and Dairy





Egg
1 large
6.3
0.4
4.8
72.0
Milk, whole
 1 cup
7.9
11.0
7.9
146.4
Milk, 2%
 1 cup
9.7
13.4
4.6
137.0
Milk, 1%
 1 cup
8.2
12.2
2.4
102.0
Milk, Skim
 1 cup
8.3
12.2
0.2
83.0
Cottage cheese, 2%
 ½ cup
13.4
4.1
2.8
97.0
Yogurt, plain, lowfat
 1 cup
12.9
17.2
3.8
154.4
Greek Yogurt, plain, lowfat
1 cup
22.0
11.0
5.0
150.0
Soft cheeses (Mozzarella, Brie,Camembert)
per ounce
6.0
0.1
7.8
94.7
Medium cheeses (Cheddar, Swiss)
per ounce
7.2
0.4
9.4
114.0
Hard cheeses (Parmesan)
per ounce
10.0
0.9
7.3
111.1






Beans (including soy)





Tofu, soft 1/2" cubes
1 cup
16.2
4.5
9.2
151.3
Tofu, firm
 1 oz
2.7
0.6
1.4
23.3
Soy milk
 1 cup
6.0
8.0
3.5
90.0
Most beans (black, pinto, lentils, etc…)
1/2 cup
7.0
21.9
0.4
117.1
Soy beans
 ½ cup cooked
13.3
13.3
4.0
153.3
Split peas
 ½ cup cooked
8.2
8.1
0.4
115.6
winged beans
1/2 cup
27.0
38.0
14.9
372.2
Baby Lima Beans
1/2 cup
6.0
17.5
0.3
94.5
Green Peas
1 cup
8.6
25.0
0.4
134.4
Succotash (corn and Limas)
1cup
6.6
35.6
1.2
160.7






Nuts and Seeds





Peanut butter
 2 Tablespoons
8.1
6.2
16.3
189.8
Almonds
 ¼ cup
7.5
7.6
17.5
204.1
Peanuts
 ¼ cup
8.6
7.9
18.1
213.5
Cashews
 ¼ cup
5.2
11.2
15.9
196.6
Pecans
 ¼ cup
2.7
4.1
21.4
205.6
Sunflower seeds
 ¼ cup
6.2
7.7
15.9
186.2
Pumpkin seeds
 ¼ cup
3.0
8.6
3.1
71.4
Flax seeds
 ¼ cup
7.0
12.3
12.0
177.0






Vegetables





Cabbage
1 cup chopped
1.3
4.8
0.2
22.3
Broccoli, raw
1 cup chopped
2.6
4.6
0.3
24.6
Kale
1 cup chopped
2.5
7.3
0.5
36.4
Cauliflower
1 cup chopped
2.0
5.2
0.2
25.0
Spinach
1 cup chopped
0.9
1.1
0.1
6.9
Mushrooms, white
1 cup chopped
2.2
2.3
0.2
15.4
Mushrooms, portabella
3.5 oz
2.5
5.1
0.2
26.0
Sun Dried Tomatoes
1 cup
7.6
30.1
1.6
139.3
Bean Spouts
1 cup chopped
3.2
6.2
0.2
31.0
Winged Bean leaves
50 grams
2.9
7.1
0.6
37.0
Lentil Sprouts
1 cup
7.0
17.0
0.0
82.0
Garlic
1/2 cup
4.3
22.5
0.3
101.3
Dried Seaweed (Sushi Nori)
4 sheets
4.0
4.0
0.0
32.0
Grape Leaves
2 cups
1.6
4.8
0.6
26.0
Copyright 2013 Life in Transformation http://80poundsin80days.blogspot.com

If anyone would like me to email a PDF or Excel copy of this spread sheet to you to help with your menu planning, please let me know in the comments.