Some days I wonder how much is too much....
Some days I feel the weight of responsibility from so many directions, I feel like it is going to crush me....
Some days I feel like no one can understand, and no one wants to...and most days that is okay...
Some days keeping on keeping on is harder than it appears from the outside....
Most days I don't have the answers....I just keep going on as best I can with what I have...and try to find the silver lining...and keep going even if I can't find it...because tomorrow is always a new day...
Most days I try not to ask for help from other people, I made my decisions and my day to day life is the culmination of those decisions, and so I figure I will accept what help is offered for a various things...and hope that those who are offering help actually want to help, and I just try to roll with the rest...
Some days rolling is hard...
Most days I feel like no one actually knows me....and most days that is okay...because I know me...but some days,
Some days.....
Some Day....I want someone to know me...
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
House progress
Okay....SO.....
I finally took the tiem to figure out how to get pictures off my phone this morning. I took a few quick pictures of the house progress thsi morning. We are getting close.... For comparison, you can check out the photos from late February in this post. So here are the photos taken today!
We are actually quite close to finishing. I will be painting starting tonight! So hopefully the finished house will be posted by the first week of MAY!!
I finally took the tiem to figure out how to get pictures off my phone this morning. I took a few quick pictures of the house progress thsi morning. We are getting close.... For comparison, you can check out the photos from late February in this post. So here are the photos taken today!
We are actually quite close to finishing. I will be painting starting tonight! So hopefully the finished house will be posted by the first week of MAY!!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Very quick update
A very quick update...mainly because my brain is going a million miles an hour and if I spend too much time on the computer I might have a nervous breakdown---or get stuck in here and not move on to the next thing I NEED to do--like as it is nearly midnight, I should go to sleep soon....
Electrical rough inspection passed last week! YAY!!!!
ALL of the drywall is now up, walls are enclosed, spackle is in progress...
I still feel like I have a million things to do to finish but we are getting close. My goal is to be DONE by the 29th and have the final inspection on the 30th.
I might be completely insane by then....but don't call in the men in white coats yet, once I have the CO in hand I am sure my sanity will return to it's pre-house renovation levels--so I guess on second thought, maybe you should have the straight jacket standing by....
Thanks all for now
Trying to remember to breath.....
Electrical rough inspection passed last week! YAY!!!!
ALL of the drywall is now up, walls are enclosed, spackle is in progress...
I still feel like I have a million things to do to finish but we are getting close. My goal is to be DONE by the 29th and have the final inspection on the 30th.
I might be completely insane by then....but don't call in the men in white coats yet, once I have the CO in hand I am sure my sanity will return to it's pre-house renovation levels--so I guess on second thought, maybe you should have the straight jacket standing by....
Thanks all for now
Trying to remember to breath.....
Friday, April 13, 2012
A quick post....
The electrical inspection actually took place on Tuesday, and we passed the rough inspectiona nd have been cleared to close in the walls!!
So that is what we have been working on this week.
This is basically what we have to finish ( if I am understanding it correctly):
--put up the last of the sheet rock in all rooms
--spackle/sand/repeat
--paint in all rooms
--finalize the last coupel of drains
--put up wallboard in bathroom (around tub)
--put down bathroom floor
--put in tub and toilet
--paint in kitchen
--put down kitchen floor
--put in range, dishwasher, and refrigerator
--install overhead kitchen cabinets
--following painting of floor and ceilings, put down carpet in boys rooms
--install electrical covers on ALL outlets adn switches througout
--finish smoke detector set up installation
--put up molding
--get final electrical inspection
--get final CO inspection
--move in
so, yeah, a lot still to do, but in the final stretch.
The electrical inspection actually took place on Tuesday, and we passed the rough inspectiona nd have been cleared to close in the walls!!
So that is what we have been working on this week.
This is basically what we have to finish ( if I am understanding it correctly):
--put up the last of the sheet rock in all rooms
--spackle/sand/repeat
--paint in all rooms
--finalize the last coupel of drains
--put up wallboard in bathroom (around tub)
--put down bathroom floor
--put in tub and toilet
--paint in kitchen
--put down kitchen floor
--put in range, dishwasher, and refrigerator
--install overhead kitchen cabinets
--following painting of floor and ceilings, put down carpet in boys rooms
--install electrical covers on ALL outlets adn switches througout
--finish smoke detector set up installation
--put up molding
--get final electrical inspection
--get final CO inspection
--move in
so, yeah, a lot still to do, but in the final stretch.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Slow and steady.....(is making me crazy) wins the race......
Well, this has been a long hiatus from blogging.... So what has been keeping me so busy—well….many many things—some that make sense and others that are more subtle or less easily understood.
So the house is still a work in progress. We moved out of the apartment on March 14th and the kids moved into A’s apartment. They have been doing well, though Josiah asks every day when we are going to move into the new house. Progress has been slow but steady on the house. The electric is done as of yesterday and we are waiting for the electrical inspection now, which will hopefully be early this week. The plumbing should be done in the next day or two, barring any unforeseen issues. That will be two huge issues out of the way. Once the electrical inspection is cleared, we can put the other half of the walls on and finish the place. I am glad that the light at the end of the tunnel might be getting closer. I would love to predict that we will be done by the end of April and able to get the final inspection and clearance to move in by then, that is my hope. But this project has reminded me to not expect anything specific and just to roll with what comes—hope for the best but don’t get so set on how it has to play out and in what time frame. In the end it will be worth it, and that outcome is what I need to focus on, not trying to figure out how each little step is supposed to go.
The kids are doing well, for the most part. They have both had ups and downs, Gonzo is choosing to bite Josiah at least once every day—and even when I am vigilant about separating them when they are not playing well together, he has now taken to just biting him at random times, just for the heck of it, as he realized if I know that there is a problem, I will be proactive. Both of them have had ups and downs at school. We are looking into possible other programs for Josiah for next year. I will write about hat another time. We are also getting an evaluation with a neuro-psychologist for Josiah. I think that will be a good thing, it might give us a better idea of what on earth is going on with him, as his behavior and his super quick mood changes are way beyond what I can understand at this point. All of my theories have fizzled out, and his outbursts are really interfering with his ability to advance and grow in a healthy and successful way. He has gotten into such negative behavioral patterns and nothing I have tried is working to help him move beyond it. So hopefully the neuropsychologist will have be able to shed some light on what is going on with him.
I have been babysitting full time now, as the little ones that I watch have had a schedule change, and their mom took a full time job. So I no longer have a break in the middle of the day, which has slowed my ability to work on the house. I also have my kids after school and most day until bedtime at A’s house. Some days A cooks dinner, but I put them to bed every night. This means that I don’t have much time in the evenings to work on the house. So it has meant that almost all of the work aside from weekends and little things that I can do in the evenings, has fallen to my father to work on. I have been trying to get the spackle and sanding done on the walls that are up in preparation of painting. I am so looking forward to the final stage and the finished house. This initial phase from Laundromat to house has been such a process. I look forward to moving in and moving on the preparation for the daycare phase. There has been a lot of interest in when the day care will open and how much I will charge. I am hoping to have some answers to those questions.
So that is where things are in a nutshell. There are a few other things going on—but they are not really things I want to talk about on the blog. For now I am just trying to take it day by day, as I have been getting oscillating between overly anxious and somewhat depressed as this process has dragged on so much. So I am just trying to keep a positive and realistic focus and not get too stuck on expectations of when and how things should be going or how I want them to go. Trying to remember that it is what it is, and it takes as long as it takes, and roll with whatever happens. Not always easy, but it is what I am trying to do….. I hope to write again later this week, hopefully with an update about the inspections…. That would be great….
So the house is still a work in progress. We moved out of the apartment on March 14th and the kids moved into A’s apartment. They have been doing well, though Josiah asks every day when we are going to move into the new house. Progress has been slow but steady on the house. The electric is done as of yesterday and we are waiting for the electrical inspection now, which will hopefully be early this week. The plumbing should be done in the next day or two, barring any unforeseen issues. That will be two huge issues out of the way. Once the electrical inspection is cleared, we can put the other half of the walls on and finish the place. I am glad that the light at the end of the tunnel might be getting closer. I would love to predict that we will be done by the end of April and able to get the final inspection and clearance to move in by then, that is my hope. But this project has reminded me to not expect anything specific and just to roll with what comes—hope for the best but don’t get so set on how it has to play out and in what time frame. In the end it will be worth it, and that outcome is what I need to focus on, not trying to figure out how each little step is supposed to go.
The kids are doing well, for the most part. They have both had ups and downs, Gonzo is choosing to bite Josiah at least once every day—and even when I am vigilant about separating them when they are not playing well together, he has now taken to just biting him at random times, just for the heck of it, as he realized if I know that there is a problem, I will be proactive. Both of them have had ups and downs at school. We are looking into possible other programs for Josiah for next year. I will write about hat another time. We are also getting an evaluation with a neuro-psychologist for Josiah. I think that will be a good thing, it might give us a better idea of what on earth is going on with him, as his behavior and his super quick mood changes are way beyond what I can understand at this point. All of my theories have fizzled out, and his outbursts are really interfering with his ability to advance and grow in a healthy and successful way. He has gotten into such negative behavioral patterns and nothing I have tried is working to help him move beyond it. So hopefully the neuropsychologist will have be able to shed some light on what is going on with him.
I have been babysitting full time now, as the little ones that I watch have had a schedule change, and their mom took a full time job. So I no longer have a break in the middle of the day, which has slowed my ability to work on the house. I also have my kids after school and most day until bedtime at A’s house. Some days A cooks dinner, but I put them to bed every night. This means that I don’t have much time in the evenings to work on the house. So it has meant that almost all of the work aside from weekends and little things that I can do in the evenings, has fallen to my father to work on. I have been trying to get the spackle and sanding done on the walls that are up in preparation of painting. I am so looking forward to the final stage and the finished house. This initial phase from Laundromat to house has been such a process. I look forward to moving in and moving on the preparation for the daycare phase. There has been a lot of interest in when the day care will open and how much I will charge. I am hoping to have some answers to those questions.
So that is where things are in a nutshell. There are a few other things going on—but they are not really things I want to talk about on the blog. For now I am just trying to take it day by day, as I have been getting oscillating between overly anxious and somewhat depressed as this process has dragged on so much. So I am just trying to keep a positive and realistic focus and not get too stuck on expectations of when and how things should be going or how I want them to go. Trying to remember that it is what it is, and it takes as long as it takes, and roll with whatever happens. Not always easy, but it is what I am trying to do….. I hope to write again later this week, hopefully with an update about the inspections…. That would be great….
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
lllife iiiiiiiiiiiis buuuuuuuuuuuuuuusy
I have actually tried to write a few different posts, but either run out of time or out of emotional energy to write them....
Yes, blogging sometimes takes a lot of emotional energy, mainly because life takes a lot of emotional energy and transformation takes a lot of emotional energy, and my life right now just takes a lot energy in ALL areas...I have such a headache.
So, quick update on various areas:
The renovations on the house--ugh... yeah, I won't go into details...suffice to say that everyday we get a little closer and a little closer to the finish line...I hope to have more news later on---OH wait! I do have some good news, instead of having to build kitchen cabinets and create a kitchen from scratch, about 2 weeks ago I was given a used kitchen--cabinets, counter tops, dishwasher, stove.... What a huge blessing it was. So there was a reason why the kitchen had not yet been worked on. We had to redesign the central part of the house, changing the layout of kitchen and dining room in order to be able to use this great kitchen. And in the end I like this design better. So the kitchen is almost plumbed (it would have been finished being plumbed today if I had not needed to take a break and give my dad a break, so that I could catch up on emails and phone calls that I have been neglecting for the past 3 weeks. And so i could take a deep breath and just focus on other areas of my life that need tending for the day. So I have taken my break today to be online and try to blog, before I have to go back to work at 2pm...
School for Josiah---ups and downs, still trying to figure out what is going on with him. I don't remember if I have posted about our chemical imbalance thoughts and such, if not I'll do that at a later time. Something is just not working for him there, and it does not seem to be working for them. I am convinced it is a combination of factors. But that still does not give me any more insight into the best course of action to take. We have a little time, we will be looking at other programs with the CSE chair---I feel kinda lost on this whole education plan thing for him. I thought Gonzo's issues were complicated and challenging. in many ways, he was a piece of cake compared to Josiah because Gonzo's issues, as challenging as they are, are consistent and somewhat predictable. Josiah is not...
There is more I want to say about other things, but I need to get ready to go back to work....starting next week, it will be full time, so no split shift, no more break in the middle of the day. But that means a higher income too....
I'll blog again soon....
Yes, blogging sometimes takes a lot of emotional energy, mainly because life takes a lot of emotional energy and transformation takes a lot of emotional energy, and my life right now just takes a lot energy in ALL areas...I have such a headache.
So, quick update on various areas:
The renovations on the house--ugh... yeah, I won't go into details...suffice to say that everyday we get a little closer and a little closer to the finish line...I hope to have more news later on---OH wait! I do have some good news, instead of having to build kitchen cabinets and create a kitchen from scratch, about 2 weeks ago I was given a used kitchen--cabinets, counter tops, dishwasher, stove.... What a huge blessing it was. So there was a reason why the kitchen had not yet been worked on. We had to redesign the central part of the house, changing the layout of kitchen and dining room in order to be able to use this great kitchen. And in the end I like this design better. So the kitchen is almost plumbed (it would have been finished being plumbed today if I had not needed to take a break and give my dad a break, so that I could catch up on emails and phone calls that I have been neglecting for the past 3 weeks. And so i could take a deep breath and just focus on other areas of my life that need tending for the day. So I have taken my break today to be online and try to blog, before I have to go back to work at 2pm...
School for Josiah---ups and downs, still trying to figure out what is going on with him. I don't remember if I have posted about our chemical imbalance thoughts and such, if not I'll do that at a later time. Something is just not working for him there, and it does not seem to be working for them. I am convinced it is a combination of factors. But that still does not give me any more insight into the best course of action to take. We have a little time, we will be looking at other programs with the CSE chair---I feel kinda lost on this whole education plan thing for him. I thought Gonzo's issues were complicated and challenging. in many ways, he was a piece of cake compared to Josiah because Gonzo's issues, as challenging as they are, are consistent and somewhat predictable. Josiah is not...
There is more I want to say about other things, but I need to get ready to go back to work....starting next week, it will be full time, so no split shift, no more break in the middle of the day. But that means a higher income too....
I'll blog again soon....
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Packing....planning..... and birthday boy
Okay, so this weekend will be taken up with packing and moving most of our things down to the new house. The new house is not done, though we are getting closer and closer. As it stands I have to be out of our apartment by March 15th, which is Thursday, as the landlord has rented it, so I can not extend it any further. The kids will go and stay with A for probably about a week or so, and I will stay at my father's house while we work on finishing the new house. What a huge job this has been.
I finally took some pictures of the progress, though I do not have a before picture. Here are a few shots of the house in renovation:
These were actually taken about 2 weeks ago, but I just now uploaded them to the computer. Much has been done, though most of the work of renovation and construction is not easily visible, as plumbing and electric, insulation and other very important and time consuming things, tend not to have the "wow" effect of things like new walls going up, or paint or carpet. We are nearing the "wow" phase, when the work will be very visible, and as it gets completed, things will actually be in the final stages.
But this week also held Gonzo's 9th birthday!!!
I finally took some pictures of the progress, though I do not have a before picture. Here are a few shots of the house in renovation:
These were actually taken about 2 weeks ago, but I just now uploaded them to the computer. Much has been done, though most of the work of renovation and construction is not easily visible, as plumbing and electric, insulation and other very important and time consuming things, tend not to have the "wow" effect of things like new walls going up, or paint or carpet. We are nearing the "wow" phase, when the work will be very visible, and as it gets completed, things will actually be in the final stages.
But this week also held Gonzo's 9th birthday!!!
I will do a post soon about this amazing little man, who for the first time in his school career, has the right supports, with the right teachers, with the right focus, and because everything is finally in the right places, HE IS DOING GREAT AT SCHOOL!!!! It took a while, and a lot of trial and error, but finally he is having a successful and positive school experience, and can now learn and grow, and have all the wonderful experiences that school has to offer. I am hoping it takes us less time to reach this point with Josiah, but I know it is possible. Looking back at Gonzo in Kindergarten reminds me that Josiah's school start has been easier than Gonzo's was, and I know it will all come together, eventually. I just have to keep advocating for his needs, countering non-productive attitudes, insisting on appropriate treatment and understanding of his issues, and being open to trying new things. Gonzo has been a shining example this year of how amazingly a child can shift when given the right level of supports. This amazing 9 year old (9!) overcomes many challenges, and many horrors in his past, and after having been with us for 6 years, is starting to finally thrive. I am very proud of my son. And I will write more later on him and his amazingness....(I know it is not a word, but it is fun to say, and should be a word...)
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