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Friday, December 20, 2013

Wait, WHAT...three months since my last post!?!?!?

Crazy, crazy life....and I sometimes can't find (or rather make) the time to post, especially when I feel like life is spinning its wheels and transformation is just tot he right of a loop that I am stuck in...but it is not really, transformation happens all the time.  Every change, no matter how small, is a piece of the transformation of life.  So a post to sum up the many experiences of the past 3+ months...

  • Fiance moved back in here at the beginning of September.
  • Learned it is impossible to support four people on what barely kept three people afloat.
  • Money struggles and other people's addiction struggles make life very stressful.
  • Trying to find the balance between compassion and boundaries, doing what is right when "what is right" is different for different people.
  • Standing firm and being loving can be a hard balance to strike.
  • Explaining to my kids why their other parent (my ex) is in a homeless shelter
  • Taking the kids to visit their other parent every other weekend for a few hours needs creativity and pre-planning to go places when there is no home to take them to...
  • Explaining to fiance why I think it is important that the kids see their other parent even when their other parent is struggling and in difficult situations (rehab, homeless shelter, half-way house, etc...).
  • Being honest and open with the kids, and helping them understand how bad choices have consequences but that a person is still a good person even if their situation is not good.
  • Being grateful that there are nice homeless shelter with private rooms and shared kitchen facilities and a house style feel...a safe place for those who are struggling to lay there heads until they can get into a residential help situation or can get on their feet.
  • Finding that i can love someone who deals with some of the same issues that I have grown to hate, and that same issues do not mean same person or even same outcome
  • Knowing that I know what my boundaries are, that I can express them, and that I can be compassionate and give things time to shift
  • Had a great job interview for a science focused job, going back to my original career in research, but did not get the job
  • Had a lot of things going on with relationships--fiance, ex, siblings, etc.... that are both good and bad
  • hosted Thanksgiving at my house this year--had some of my family, some of the to-be in-laws, and my ex--an interesting mix
  • My nephew graduated from basic training the day before thanksgiving, so proud of him!!
  • Had an interview to break into the career of working with families with special needs kids, which I have wanted to break into for a while but lack the formal training to do so...but did not get that job either
  • Have been running a small nursery school weekday morning in my home, but only 2 kids...trying to figure out if I should push to expand or if I should concentrate back on writing and see if I can make a go of that
  • Glad my fiance started working at the local ski resort, the extra income is very good, and working creates a much better mood for my love
  • Grateful that rules have changed to allow me to borrow against my old retirement account so that I could catch up on my bills and expenses, 
  • kinda wish I had taken a bit more to have more for Christmas, but am glad that my kids can focus on the JOY and FUN of the season and not be so focused on the gifts, as they have only a few gifts under the tree, but we have lots of fun that brings joy and connection without costing actually, glad that I only took out what I needed to catch up my bills.
  • looking forward to my sister and her kids coming up for a visit after their move to Florida in July
  • Glad that Josiah's MRI went well WITHOUT sedation....looking forward to hearing the results on January 3rd, just to know if his hydrocephalus is still stable or if it is getting worse as previous scans indicated a possible problem, but nothing definite, so hopefully this scan compared to the previous one will give us a better idea of what is going on in his skull
  • Looking forward to reflecting on the past year
  • Looking forward to deciding what path I want to take and being able to focus on that for the new year, and transform this life even better... it is an ongoing journey!!