Okay...the first day of the rest of my life

I know, EVERYDAY is the first day of the rest of our lives, but it is still good to remind ourselves of it from time to time.  You can always reset to a "first day of the rest of your life".  OH...I have added a page to this blog  that I will use exclusively for food tracking, in case anyone wants to follow my eating habits in the event that this new endeavor to change my eating lifestyle proves to be wildly successful--click on the "Food Tracking" tab near the top of the page).

I am feeling freer today than I have in a long time...that is due to a number of things:

1) --A is entering rehab today for 28 days, and then on to a halfway house program for six months, and hopefully will find the help and strength to live a sober and responsible and HAPPIER lifestyle.  It also gives me a reprieve for the week as A can not have phone privileges for a week, so it will be a week without having to actually deal with A--which is a relief.  I still have to deal with A's apartment which needs to be packed up and put into storage and then cleaned, and A's car and bill payments, and all of that--(honestly you wouldn't know that I left A over 2 years ago, as I am still always picking up the pieces that A leaves behind).  I know it sounds awful that I find great relief in knowing that I have a solid seven days without contact from A, and I am VERY happy FOR A at this step in a right direction, as A needs to be able to see the competent, capable, amazing person that she can be, AND I need my space, space to be who I am, space to live a life free from unnecessary stress (there is enough stress that is just inherent in living my life as it is).  I know there have been times A's sister has asked me if I will ever get back together with A, and the answer is no, even if A gets sober, and stable, and goes on to have a wonderful life, my time as A's spouse will not return.  Too much water has gone under that bridge--enough of a torrent that the bridge has completely washed out and I will not rebuild that bridge.  I will be A's friend, and do what I can to help A to grow and mature, and for the kids to be able to have both of their parents in their lives, and hopefully A will be able to stand alone one day and see the first day of the rest of life.  For me, A being in rehab gives me the chance to finally breathe and awake again to the rest of my life.

2) --The carpet is being laid down in the other half of my house today, which means that sometime this week (after it dries as it will be cleaned after being laid down, being used carpet), I will be able to start setting up the main day care area, and my dining room, and I will be ready to start setting up a make shift pantry (as we have not built one yet, but I needed to wait until O could move things before I could really even try to set up a makeshift pantry, as I do not want to unpack and repack and unpack again multiple times, twice is enough...So the prospect of being able to bring the house to a point of "complete' (even if there are still ongoing projects to make it exactly what I want), brings me much joy and peace. 

3) --I have managed to get all the kids doctors appointment scheduled with various specialist, some which I had missed and needed to rescheduled.  So I will be catching up on specialist appointments and making sure that the kids health and medical needs are all being met.

4) --Knowing that I am starting on a new round of improving my health and my life in a focused and concentrated way gives me a renewed sense of peace, joy, and openness to the many blessings that I have in my life, some of which I have not focused enough on in recent months.

5) --I am making the choice, day by day, moment by moment, to choose to feel better--to think better feeling thoughts, to focus on better feeling things, and to choose happiness over despair, joy over sorrow, and hope over fear.  It is a conscious choice to see the good in life and not focus solely on the bad--yes the bad has to be managed and dealt with, but it does not have to be the focus on my life, my mind, or my heart.  So today, I am remembering to focus on that which is good, that for which I am grateful, and to just roll with what life brings.  i am where I am for a number of reasons, and from here, and only from here, can I start a new chapter in my life.  Which reminds me, I think it is time to get out Pema Chodron's book Start Where You Are: A guide to Compassionate Living and reread that, as it is a very good book with wonderful guidance on moving forward to become who I really AM.

Quite a week (lots of pictures--but not of the house)

Okay, so ....

I know I say that a LOT--I never realized how  much I actually say that vocally until about a year ago my son was saying it all the time, and I was like, "where did he get that from" and then I heard myself saying it one day.  Then I realized that he got it from ME.  So ever since then, I have allowed myself to do it in writing because really it is how I talk...

Anyway,  so I got the boys all moved in on Sunday of last week; they both slept in Josiah's room until we could get Gonzo's carpet down.  His carpet went down Monday and was steam cleaned, so Tuesday evening we set up his bed and dresser.  Then I was able to clear out my room, and then Wednesday morning my room was steam cleaned, and I let it dry for two days because it had a LOT of stuff on it (being the only carpet that went through the whole construction, as the others are being put down now) and so it had to be extra cleaned, and thus took longer to dry.  It still smells a little funny, but I am happy to be sleeping in a big bed again, as I was sleeping in a twin bed since we left the apartment 2 months ago. 

Other than that, it has been plugging away at cleaning, putting things away and moving things around to prepare to put down the rugs in the day care/family room and dining room (but all of our boxes and such from the apartment were stored there so it is a lot of moving and sorting and restoring in the garage area.   There is still quite a bit to do, but it is mostly small things that can be fit in here and there.

In addition to the house, Josiah had his elementary Spring concert, and he had some speaking lines--which he did amazingly--he is such a ham, loves being the center of attention, so he really plays it up.  He, and all the kids did a great job singing and saying their lines.  I would post pictures, but alas none of my pictures or video came out well, except the ones I took of Gonzo at the back of the gym when he couldn't sit still while the older elementary performance was on.  SO we toured the kids art work displays in the back during that time.  I did get a couple of pictures of Josiah that came out as I was picking him up in the hall after the concert was over. 















On Thursday, Josiah had his weekly swim time in the evening, and we had an appointment earlier than that with the family therapist.  So in the time we had in between, we went grocery shopping.  While we were there we ran into Josiah's PT that he had had when he was 3.  It was really great to see her, and I am hoping we can catch up with her soon to hear how things are going.  After grocery shopping, there was still an hour before swim time, so I decided he and I needed hair cuts, and we went to our favorite place (Adonis Hair Salon) and were able to snag Brenda, our favorite.  She did a great job on my hair, but Josiah refused to get a hair cut.  He sat very nicely and watched me get my hair cut.  Usually he can be talked into it, but that day he was not having anything to do with it.  So then we went to swim and he did a GREAT job of listening, swimming, and working hard for the whole time.  I got some pictures, as I realized that he has been swimming for over 2 years and I had never taken any pictures of it before.  So here are a couple of my swimming man at aquatic PT.

Here is Josiah after swim on the way to the car, telling me that he needs to take a picture

And here is a picture of me with my new haircut that Josiah took when I gave him the cell phone--of course this is after sitting in a humid 95 degree pool room watching him swim for over half an hour, so the style had slipped some with the heat and humidity.  Still a really good picture for a 5 year old with a cell phone, I thought.  And a nice haircut for me.

Quick post...

I think we have it--the certificate of occupancy!  So this weekend is moving in weekend!!  I'll post a picture once I have it in hand and have a chance to take a picture.  I am still hesitant to shout if from the rooftops until the piece of paper is in my hand, but....the inspector did say something like "this place is far enough along to be lived in" and we passed all of the electrical, plumbing and fire codes, so unless he changed his mind on the way back tot he office, we should have it.  (I know call me a skeptic, but I have had the experience of thinking something was  a done deal, and having people suddenly change their minds at the last minute...so written confirmation is a good thing).  Flooring is the name of the game for the next couple of days...

Okay, the other things that I am starting, now that this housing project is wrapping up and I need to return to my much neglected rest-of-my-life:

My quest for health--I have decided to follow Blobmosis for a new jump start on my path to healthy eating.  As the guy who created blobmosis has a focus on whole foods, but without being a complete health craze person, I decided it would be a good place to start, as I have been moving away from processed food, which are SO SO SO bad for the human body in so many ways, and trying to transition to just whole foods.  So, as he already has a daily menu that is emailed to you daily for the first 28 days, I thought it would be an easy way to not have to think too much about it (as my head is still on the house and starting the daycare which has a lot to do now), and still be able to start bring my body back into healthy eating.

I have also signed up for Joanie McMahon's free 17 day course on Following your Dreams as I have really gotten away from a lot of the Law of Attraction and other spiritual paths that help me stay centered, focused, and exploring/creating who I am.  So I figured a basic walk through of the ideas and concepts would be good for me again, as my focus has shifted so much to the negative and I need to start getting back to who I am and who I am seeking to be. 

The Tapping World  Summit is underway ( I know early on with this blog I had talked about EFT and said I was going to get more in depth into to, but I never did even though I did use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or at least the basic meridian tapping with focused phrases, and found them to work amazingly, I just did not stay up with it...) and is a couple of days into it now.  It is an amazing series and I would suggest that anyone struggling with anything should at least check it out.  The basic information on the Tapping Solutions page is very valuable, even if you do not go to the Tapping World Summit information.

So, I will update more later, and hopefully post some pictures of the house, and keep you updated on the move in process!!

Another step closer to finishing...

SO...This morning the electrical inspector came and did the final inspection for the electrical, and we passed, no problem.  So ONE final inspection down, and the big one to come...

The toilet is in and functioning perfectly.  Now I just need to hook up the water to the tub, and the bathroom is set.

The kitchen cupboards are being put in as we speak (I was just there helping my Dad get them laid out,and now am babysitting, but my little charge fell asleep after her morning at the arts center, So I have a few moments to update my blog).  We are getting closer and closer to calling the kitchen done.

A great gift arrived yesterday--my step-father, who runs a carpet cleaning business, was doing his annual spring cleaning of carpets at a nice hotel, and they were replacing some carpet in a few of the rooms and asked, somewhat jokingly, if he knew wanted any carpet.  They were surprised when he said yes.  So, he showed up at the house yesterday with his van full of nice, slightly used, but still in great shape carpet--and will be bringing more today--enough to do the boys rooms, the living room, the hallway, AND the large daycare area!!  So, I have been greatly blessed again by the generosity of people who were giving away slightly used but in great shape stuff for the house--and much more so by my step-father has been the one who seems to meet these people and is always keeping his eyes and ears open for--so I am truly blessed to have such a magnet in my life.  Thank you Jim!!

As the week goes on, I hope to take a few pictures and post them.  I just need to tighten up the firewall (be meticulous about going around with foam and caulk to hit any spots we missed), install the self closing hinges and correct door latch, and the firewall will be ready for its final inspection.  I think we still have to grab CO alarms as well, as I have battery operated ones, but I think they need to be hardwired, still not clear from the wording of the codes.  Aside from that, I believe we have completed all of the requirements for the final inspection, so if I all goes well, I should be able to get down to get the last of the supplies to finish up tonight, and by Thursday we could be having the final inspection. 

After the CO we can finish the flooring and molding, and move in this weekend if all goes well--Keep your fingers crossed, and your prayers/positive energy/good thoughts flowing our way.

Coming along well

So.....an update

The house is coming along well.  I always want it to go faster than it is, but that is my own impatience.  Josiah's room is now ready for trim and carpet--and then is done, done.  Gonzo room will be painted and panelled today, so it is getting close to ready.  The bathroom WOULD have been done (except for trim) yesterday if the flange was not 1/4" too long, so the toilet can not be put in under we either get a different flange OR modify the hole for the toilet, which is more complicated than it sounds given that the house is on a concrete slab and the bathroom floor is raised up to accommodate plumbing drains, and everything with the holes/drains are already set in place--so changing anything with the drains and holes would just be a really big project--so I think unless another brilliant idea comes along, we will be waiting another day or so to go out of town to buy a new toilet flange....

The kitchen cupboards should be going up today; the firewall is done aside from one last go over with the fireproofing caulk to make sure there were no gaps missed; the only painting other than Gonzo's room is the big hallway where the pantry will eventually be.  So we are very close to being able to move from the renovation phase to the clean-up-to-live-there phase.

There will still be a couple of building projects to finish later--after the certificate of occupancy and official move in--many because they are not necessary, just nice to have, I do not yet have the materials to do them, and time is of the essence--so the linen closet, pantry, and coat closet will all be put in afterwards.  But those are little individual projects, and can be done on the weekends one at a time. 

So, the electrical inspector should be back tomorrow or Tuesday, and we will hopefully be able to get on his schedule this week.  And after we have that inspection, we can call in the building inspector for the final inspection.  So wish me luck, say a prayer, send me positive energy--the whole shebang.  Josiah is so excited about the house getting done, so I am hoping that next weekend can be out official move-in weekend.  :)

I will post pictures later this week....I will also give an update on the school situation later this week sometime (I hope), depending on how the inspections go.  I am trying to focus on only one stressful issue at a time, and while I am dealing with school related stuff, talking about it it, publically reflecting on it, and such is more stressful than just dealing with it (though cathartic and helps to process things a little more easily--it still takes more mental/emotional energy than I have to spare right now).  So, I will be getting back to that once the current house stress is reduced.

Busy day ahead....

So....today is a very busy day.  I have to to babysit for an hour this morning, and after I drop my little charge off for her preschool program at the Arts Center, I have to head down to a nearby school.  I am meeting our school's guidance counselor, who is also the CSE chairperson, there to look at one of their programs.  Then we head on to another two schools to look at their programs--one being at Prospect, the school where he did preschool and still does aquatic PT.  We are all still up in the air about what will be the best setting for Josiah for next year, as this year has had so many ups and downs and all around.

After visiting three different schools and reviewing their programs, then I have an appointment with our family therapist (just me today), which will be good as life has been so busy that I have not had a chance to see her and update her as to what is going on in the family for a few weeks.  It will be good to also talk about a variety of things going on with our family, with myself, and with the boys.

After that, I have to head back home (an hour away), pick up Josiah and go back down to Prospect (an hour away) for his weekly Aquatic Physical Therapy time. 

So today is a lot of running, running running....I just hope it is productive and useful, as I could really sue a productive day.  The last couple of days, even though I have worked on the house in the evening, have been two steps forward, two steps back kind of days.  I had thought the plumbing was done and we just needed to hook in the fixtures--but alas, after relaying the bathroom floor with new adhesive (the self sticky tiles did not stick---go figure), I had hooked up the bathroom sink, which worked beautifully--until I shut the faucet off and for some reason the pipe in the wall decided to start leaking.  So I had to shut off that water to the sink and shower part of the bathroom (the other half is still not hooked up...).  Then I finally got a brand new faucet for the kitchen, as the other ones I had both had problems (used stuff can be great or can be a headache), I got that all installed (on my own like the bathroom sink), and after I turned it on, it also worked well.  But I woke up this morning to there being water all over the kitchen floors, seeping under the wall.  The sink faucet is not leaking, which means a pipe in the wall as sprung a leak....

So two steps forward, two steps back....

And I am feeling blue and lonely and a bunch of other things in addition to the crazy running around I have to do today, so that compounds the issues of the day.  I hate blah feeling days....

Inspector on VACATION!?!?!!

So, an update on the house situation....we pushed hard this weekend to get things ready for the final inspections.  We still have a few absolute necessities to do prior to the final inspection, and then a bunch of other stuff to do to get it ready to move the kids in, but we are ready for the electrical inspection (or will be within the next 24 hours), and so I called the electrical inspector this morning--the only one who services this area--and his message said he is on VACATION until May7th. 

SO that put the brakes on, as without the final electrical inspection, I can not have the final, final inspection to get the CO.  So, while we will still keep working (as there is still a bunch of painting and cleaning up and finalization of the bathroom and kitchen (had a problem with my well laid floor--self sticky tiles will not bind even with the bond enhancer I put down prior to laying them out, so I am having to lift each tile up and spray adhesive under it and lay it back down, so the bathroom completion is a bit delayed).  So it will still be a busy week, but we do not have to push as hard because I have to renew my Workers comp insurance to keep the building permit for another week (I had hoped and push to avoid having to do that, but luckily my little tax refund arrived finally so I have the funds to pay it, which was part of the problem--I am so glad money arrives when it is so needed).  So maybe tomorrow my father can take a break as he has not taken a day off in like 2 weeks (though of course he will just go work at Dr. Hammer's house as they are coming home this week and he has to get that opened up and ready, but at least it will be a change of pace).

My goal now is to have all the painting done (including both boys rooms and the day care area (which I am only repainting a little bit of that now as I don't have enough paint to redo the whole thing, so Salmon Colored walls will have to stay as the paint is in good shape and does not NEED to be painted over.  I also plan to have the kitchen and bathroom fully functional and ready to roll by the 7th.  AND have everything cleaned up (right now it is both a mess of construction material and mess AND storage of my apartment and stuff people have given for the house which now really needs to be moved into the garage area as most of the construction are now out of that area.  It IS covered with Sheetrock dust and saw dust though, so before I move anything back there, I have to clean it up.  but that is one of my goals for the next few days. 

So while I am disappointed that I can not get the final inspections for another wee, I am happy that I will be able to get more of the stuff done to make it truly livable before actually moving the kids in, and when I have the CO, I should be able to make the transition the very next day, rather than having a gap between the CO and the move in day.  We can survive another week the way we have been going.  The kids will be okay, and A will be okay ( I hope--things seem slightly calmer this morning than they have been the past week or so), and I will be okay. (ya know it is a good thing my ex's name starts with an A and not an I because that could get confusing, I mean using "A" to denote my ex is confusing enough, but if I had to use "I" I would probably have to get more creative.  Or I could just a  have a ball writing really confusing posts and trying to explain them and making anyone who reads them think they they are on drugs or something (or that I am on drugs or something...coffee.....hmmmmm...that is my drug of choice.....followed closely by chocolate).  No, my insanity is my own and I embrace it proudly...!  Oh dear...rambling aimlessly...time to go...

Making real progress...

Okay.... SO.....

Lots of progress on the house.... All coats of spakle are done aside from Gonzo's room (his room was the most done when I had to move stuff in in mid-march, and so it was full for stuff while we worked on everything else, and now is the last room to be done because we are finally moving stuff OUT--I had not thought of that before when I put it in there--still 90% of the spackle is done in his room, but it is definitely behind the rest, as it has not been sanded and painting has not been started, and will still need the window sealed and cased and the molding put up at the end, so I would say his room is about 60% done)

Kitchen 85% done--walls painted, appliances in place, counters mostly done...still need to finish the floor, put up molding, fix the leaky faucet, and hang the upper cupboards.

Bathroom 85% done--walls and ceiling painted, shower in and fully functional (finally), FLOOR DONE (that was my all day project--beautiful self-sticky vinyl tiles--classy I know---but they look great!)  now just to place the tub, toilet and vanity/sink (and attach it all to the plumbing which is ready and waiting for it--that should take less than a day--so by tomorrow I should have a fully functional bathroom--with only molding needed to finish it.

Josiah's room 90% done--walls, ceiling and closet painted, Just need to put up the paneling along the weird wall (long story, old building...), seal the window in and put the casing and molding up, and lay the carpet down.

Living room 98% done (well will be before I go to bed as there is only ONE wall left to paint), just need to fill in the molding on the new walls

My bedroom--95% done--walls and ceiling painted, just need to seal the window and do molding and casing (and clean the old carpet at the end (mine was the only existing room and the only part with existing carpet, which is now very dirty with construction crap)

 The Firewall--that massive pain is the hind quarters which has taken an ungodly amount of time, frustration, and materials, is 98% done!!!  Just the final coat of spackle in a couple of seams, the final bit of caulking where spackle can not be done, and finalizing the installation of the fire door.

Fire Alarms and CO alarms are installed and functional!

The day care area--well, as that really is the only area that I left just a large open space, there is not much to do with it for the final house inspection but clean it up.  Once I have to certificate of Occupancy, that area will become my focus, as well as the outside play area so that after I get my family settled into the house, I can really focus on getting the final set up and inspections for the day care licensing.  That is the next leg of my journey.

Well, I must move on to painting before I get ready for bed.  Pictures to come later this week--hopefully with a Certificate of Occupancy!!!!  Keep your fingers crossed for me and the boys.  With all of the weird stuff going on with A (my ex) I REALLY need to bring the kids home with me.  So, I NEED that CO to bring my kids home so I can parent them here (instead of parenting them at A's house, which is more difficult), AND A can calm down and get back to having less responsibility and enjoy the kids more when they have time there.  It will be a relief in so many ways for so many people when we can get back to our normal lives....

House progress

Okay....SO.....

I finally took the tiem to figure out how to get pictures off my phone this morning.  I took a few quick pictures of the house progress thsi morning.   We are getting close....  For comparison, you can check out the photos from late February in this post.  So here are the photos taken today!

We are actually quite close to finishing.  I will be painting starting tonight!  So hopefully the finished house will be posted by the first week of MAY!!

Very quick update

A very quick update...mainly because my brain is going a million miles an hour and if I spend too much time on the computer I might have a nervous breakdown---or get stuck in here and not move on to the next thing I NEED to do--like as it is nearly midnight, I should go to sleep soon....

Electrical rough inspection passed last week!  YAY!!!!
ALL of the drywall is now up, walls are enclosed, spackle is in progress...

I still feel like I have a million things to do to finish but we are getting close.  My goal is to be DONE by the 29th and have the final inspection on the 30th. 

I might be completely insane by then....but don't call in the men in white coats yet, once I have the CO in hand I am sure my sanity will return to it's pre-house renovation levels--so I guess on second thought, maybe you should have the straight jacket standing by....

Thanks all for now
Trying to remember to breath.....

A quick post....

The electrical inspection actually took place on Tuesday, and we passed the rough inspectiona nd have been cleared to close in the walls!!

So that is what we have been working on this week.

This is basically what we have to finish ( if I am understanding it correctly):
--put up the last of the sheet rock in all rooms
     --spackle/sand/repeat
     --paint in all rooms
--finalize the last coupel of drains
--put up wallboard in bathroom (around tub)
--put down bathroom floor
--put in tub and toilet
--paint in kitchen
--put down kitchen floor
--put in range, dishwasher, and refrigerator
--install overhead kitchen cabinets
--following painting of floor and ceilings, put down carpet in boys rooms
--install electrical covers on ALL outlets adn switches througout
--finish smoke detector set up installation
--put up molding
--get final electrical inspection
--get final CO inspection
--move in

so, yeah, a lot still to do, but in the final stretch.

Slow and steady.....(is making me crazy) wins the race......

Well, this has been a long hiatus from blogging....  So what has been keeping me so busy—well….many many things—some that make sense and others that are more subtle or less easily understood.

So the house is still a work in progress.  We moved out of the apartment on March 14th and the kids moved into A’s apartment.  They have been doing well, though Josiah asks every day when we are going to move into the new house.  Progress has been slow but steady on the house.  The electric is done as of yesterday and we are waiting for the electrical inspection now, which will hopefully be early this week.  The plumbing should be done in the next day or two, barring any unforeseen issues.  That will be two huge issues out of the way.  Once the electrical inspection is cleared, we can put the other half of the walls on and finish the place.  I am glad that the light at the end of the tunnel might be getting closer.  I would love to predict that we will be done by the end of April and able to get the final inspection and clearance to move in by then, that is my hope.  But this project has reminded me to not expect anything specific and just to roll with what comes—hope for the best but don’t get so set on how it has to play out and in what time frame.  In the end it will be worth it, and that outcome is what I need to focus on, not trying to figure out how each little step is supposed to go.

The kids are doing well, for the most part.  They have both had ups and downs, Gonzo is choosing to bite Josiah at least once every day—and even when I am vigilant about separating them when they are not playing well together, he has now taken to just biting him at random times, just for the heck of it, as he realized if I know that there is a problem, I will be proactive.  Both of them have had ups and downs at school.  We are looking into possible other programs for Josiah for next year.  I will write about hat another time.  We are also getting an evaluation with a neuro-psychologist for Josiah.  I think that will be a good thing, it might give us a better idea of what on earth is going on with him, as his behavior and his super quick mood changes are way beyond what I can understand at this point.  All of my theories have fizzled out, and his outbursts are really interfering with his ability to advance and grow in a healthy and successful way.  He has gotten into such negative behavioral patterns and nothing I have tried is working to help him move beyond it.  So hopefully the neuropsychologist will have be able to shed some light on what is going on with him.

I have been babysitting full time now, as the little ones that I watch have had a schedule change, and their mom took a full time job.  So I no longer have a break in the middle of the day, which has slowed my ability to work on the house.  I also have my kids after school and most day until bedtime at A’s house.  Some days A cooks dinner, but I put them to bed every night.  This means that I don’t have much time in the evenings to work on the house.  So it has meant that almost all of the work aside from weekends and little things that I can do in the evenings, has fallen to my father to work on.  I have been trying to get the spackle and sanding done on the walls that are up in preparation of painting.  I am so looking forward to the final stage and the finished house.  This initial phase from Laundromat to house has been such a process.  I look forward to moving in and moving on the preparation for the daycare phase.  There has been a lot of interest in when the day care will open and how much I will charge.  I am hoping to have some answers to those questions.

So that is where things are in a nutshell.  There are a few other things going on—but they are not really things I want to talk about on the blog.  For now I am just trying to take it day by day, as I have been getting oscillating between overly anxious and somewhat depressed as this process has dragged on so much.  So I am just trying to keep a positive and realistic focus and not get too stuck on expectations of when and how things should be going or how I want them to go.  Trying to remember that it is what it is, and it takes as long as it takes, and roll with whatever happens.  Not always easy, but it is what I am trying to do…..  I hope to write again later this week, hopefully with an update about the inspections….  That would be great….

lllife iiiiiiiiiiiis buuuuuuuuuuuuuuusy

I have actually tried to write a few different posts, but either run out of time or out of emotional energy to write them....

Yes, blogging sometimes takes a lot of emotional energy, mainly because life takes a lot of emotional energy and transformation takes a lot of emotional energy, and my life right now just takes a lot energy in ALL areas...I have such a headache.

So, quick update on various areas:

The renovations on the house--ugh... yeah, I won't go into details...suffice to say that everyday we get a little closer and a little closer to the finish line...I hope to have more news later on---OH wait!  I do have some good news, instead of having to build kitchen cabinets and create a kitchen from scratch, about 2 weeks ago I was given a used kitchen--cabinets, counter tops, dishwasher, stove....  What a huge blessing it was.  So there was a reason why the kitchen had not yet been worked on.  We had to redesign the central part of the house, changing the layout of kitchen and dining room in order to be able to use this great kitchen.  And in the end I like this design better.  So the kitchen is almost plumbed (it would have been finished being plumbed today if I had not needed to take a break and give my dad a break, so that I could catch up on emails and phone calls that I have been neglecting for the past 3 weeks.  And so i could take a deep breath and just focus on other areas of my life that need tending for the day.  So I have taken my break today to be online and try to blog, before I have to go back to work at 2pm...

School for Josiah---ups and downs, still trying to figure out what is going on with him.  I don't remember if I have posted about our chemical imbalance thoughts and such, if not I'll do that at a later time.  Something is just not working for him there, and it does not seem to be working for them.  I am convinced it is a combination of factors.  But that still does not give me any more insight into the best course of action to take.  We have a little time, we will be looking at other programs with the CSE chair---I feel kinda lost on this whole education plan thing for him.  I thought Gonzo's issues were complicated and challenging.  in many ways, he was a piece of cake compared to Josiah because Gonzo's issues, as challenging as they are, are consistent and somewhat predictable.  Josiah is not...

There is more I want to say about other things, but I need to get ready to go back to work....starting next week, it will be full time, so no split shift, no more break in the middle of the day.  But that means a higher income too....
I'll blog again soon....

Packing....planning..... and birthday boy

Okay, so this weekend will be taken up with packing and moving most of our things down to the new house.  The new house is not done, though we are getting closer and closer.  As it stands I have to be out of our apartment by March 15th, which is Thursday, as the landlord has rented it, so I can not extend it any further.  The kids will go and stay with A for probably about a week or so, and I will stay at my father's house while we work on finishing the new house.  What a huge job this has been.

I finally took some pictures of the progress, though I do not have a before picture.  Here are a few shots of the house in renovation:

These were actually taken about 2 weeks ago, but I just now uploaded them to the computer.  Much has been done, though most of the work of renovation and construction is not easily visible, as plumbing and electric, insulation and other very important and time consuming things, tend not to have the "wow" effect of things like new walls going up, or paint or carpet.  We are nearing the "wow" phase, when the work will be very visible, and as it gets completed, things will actually be in the final stages. 

But this week also held Gonzo's 9th birthday!!!

I will do a post soon about this amazing little man, who for the first time in his school career, has the right supports, with the right teachers, with the right focus, and because everything is finally in the right places, HE IS DOING GREAT AT SCHOOL!!!!  It took a while, and a lot of trial and error, but finally  he is having a successful and positive school experience, and can now learn and grow, and have all the wonderful experiences that school has to offer.  I am hoping it takes us less time to reach this point with Josiah, but I know it is possible.  Looking back at Gonzo in Kindergarten reminds me that Josiah's school start has been easier than Gonzo's was, and I know it will all come together, eventually.  I just have to keep advocating for his needs, countering non-productive attitudes, insisting on appropriate treatment and understanding of his issues, and being open to trying new things.  Gonzo has been a shining example this year of how amazingly a child can shift when given the right level of supports.  This amazing 9 year old (9!) overcomes many challenges, and many horrors in his past, and after having been with us for 6 years, is starting to finally thrive.  I am very proud of my son.  And I will write more later on him and his amazingness....(I know it is not a word, but it is fun to say, and should be a word...)

framing almost done...Can you help?

Well, the framing in the new place is almost done.  I will try to remember to bring my camera today so that I can actually take  couple of pictures.  I had planned to do before and after shots, but still have not remembered my camera. The framing for the bathroom floor is in now, complete with the ramp supports.  It is goign to be so amazing to have a handicap accessible home for Josiah!  I ams o excited for him to have a space that is truly one where he can be more independent and has access to all parts of the house.  I have dreamed about this for a long time for him. Hopefully the plumbing and electric will come together quickly so we can get the inspections done ASAP.  My time is running out.  There will be someone here at the apartment to look at it on Wednesday.  So I am going to be speeding up my packing and cleaning, as well as planning for the very real potential that I will not have my certificate of occupancy at the house before I have to be out of the apartment (lease is up Feb 15).  So the  kids will have to live with A in the mean time, and I will probably stay at my Dad's house.  I hate to put the kids in limbo like that, but this has taken so much longer (four months instead of two), and my savings are all used up (literally), so I can not afford to pay for two places any longer, and am struggling to find the funds to buy the last of the materials needed to complete the house. 

I am going to ask you, my loyal readers, for a large favor.  Due to some circumstances beyond my control, I have run short on the funds I need to complete the house (particularly due to the dual housing costs, the high cost of Workers Comp insurance (which I had not budgeted for) and the multiple trips I have had to take to GF this month for all the dental appointments for Josiah and for the trips for the day care training.  On the right hand side of this blog, there is a place to Chip in and make a donation, and I am asking anyone who can, to please help me raise the funds to finish the house so that the kids and I are not floating in limbo for too long, and so we don't get so far behind on payments that we end up losing the house and all of the monies, times, sweat and dreams that have gone into it thus far.  I know this is not a good foot to start a new business from, but in the long run, it will be a definite asset to my family's stability.  Currently I make enough each month to just meet our basic expenses and needs (in ONE house), and I have invested over $7,000 into the house and day care business.  If you can help us reach the last $1,000 needed to complete the house and the final certification needs for the day care, you will be helping a family get back on their feet for financial stability.  You will also be helping me to provide a needed service for my town in providing state registered, well trained day care for the children so that parents can have an affordable, safe place for the kids while they work.  Thank you in advance for your generousity and your willingness to help others, like me, fulfill their dreams.

Thank you,
Heather

CRAZY Week!>>>

This has been a crazy week.  Well the last couple of weeks have been crazy.  Between dentist appointments, other appointments, required trainings (an hour away, six hours a day) for the day care license, and the renovations of the house, it has been absolutely crazy.

The renovations are moving along.  We have the plumbing drains laid out, still need to lay out the actual water pipes, but those are easier.  The framing for everything is just about ready for the framing inspection.  We are hoping to get the plumbing and electric done so that the three inspections can be done at the same time.  After that, up goes the sheet rock, then taping and spackling, painting, flooring and the final inspection.  We have not had as much time as I had hoped to work on it.  I was hoping we would have 4-5 days a week, at least 4 hours each day.  But it has been a lot of hit or miss, with 2-3 days a week, some with short 2 hour days, others with 7 hour days.  I am still hopeful that we will make my deadline of February 15th to be moved out of here and into the new place.  We just will not have a long to move and clean as I had hoped.  I know it might be a bit tight, but I think if we can keep focused, it will happen.  My goal, if my father can be there for most of it as I need his know how, is to finish the windows, the plumbing and the floor joists for the bathroom this week.  Next week I am hoping we can get eh fire wall framing and all of the electrical done (then we can get the inspections done hopefully by the 27th).  With a few extra hands we should be able to get the sheet rock up that first week in February, and most of the taping and spackling.  Then we have about a week to paint and put down carpet to get the final inspection by Feb13th.  Okay, so it may not quite work out that way, but I am hoping.

Today I pick the kids up from school early and we go to see a family therapist.  I have been trying to get us into family therapy for a while, but the one up here just was not very useful, for one she decided that since the kids have counseling at school, she did not think they should participate in our family counseling.  There is obviously a lack of understanding of what school counseling is, as it is not to address overall problems, but rather focuses on specific issues relating to school that need work.  And everything I talked about in addressing the behavioral issues at home, she just said I was doing a great job and offered a few minimal suggestions.  Nothing that really helped look at the dynamics of the family and how the kids special needs and behaviors were impacting each other and the family as a whole,. nor how my interaction with them was impacting my relationship with each one and impacting their relationships with each other.  So we are going down to the nearest city and hour away and seeing if there is a more helpful therapist who can help us create more peace and cooperation in the household, as well as benefit improving behavior at school and other public places.

So, that's all for now...

quick update

Josiah did GREAT at the dentist.  He sat int eh chair with his head phones on listening to music (and to the dentist) while she explained each step of what she was doing (having done it all on this fingernail prior to starting on his teeth so he could see each step), and he was calm and still the whole time.  A quick three fillings, and he was still happy and comfortable.  In two weeks we go back and she will attempt both top and bottom on the left side.  From what I saw, he did amazingly!!! and so I think he will do well for next couple of appointments.  It is such a huge blessing to have finally connected with a dentist that treats him with respect and KNOWS how to help children feel comfortable with their dental work!!!!

So, huge amount of gratitude for being directed to this dentist!!  Thanks be to God.

As for the house renovations, I am trying to stay positive and optimistic.  My beloved father is showing early signs of Alzheimer's, and some days he repeats the same task (or same full conversation) multiple times.  Today was one of those days.  He measured and planned the windows and closets in the boys bedrooms at least five times....even though we had already discussed, measured, and drawn directly on the wall AND the floor where everything would be laid out and how the other day.  He did put up the framing for another bathroom wall, and we got together a list of what was needed to do the framing for the windows.  But in some ways we lost a lot of time with the repetition of things he had forgotten that we had already figured out.  Five years ago, the framing and plumbing would be done by now, and the electric inspection ready.  But alas, the sad truth of it is that my father appears to be walking the same path his father walked.  He still has all of his intellect, his carpentry and building skills, his philosophical insights, and all of the other things that make him such an amazing human being, but I have been watching his memory slipping more and more over the past year or so.  My brother has seen it as well, and says he will not move out of my fathers house as he and I agree that it is on the cusp of my father needing someone there to make sure he is okay.  Yes, he could probably still live alone a few more years, but knowing that someone is there with him at least every evening after work brings more peace of mind.  So the project will take longer than anticipated, but that is okay, as it is my father's work that he loves to do (well the building part, not so much the plumbing and electrical parts). And I am happy to be sharing this with him.

Another dentist appointment and quick renovation update

Josiah did very well at the dentist yesterday.  They really were great about introducing him to the dental instruments, letting him touch and hold them, and helped him get comfortable with the tools.  They also were very respectful and compassionate with him when he was SO GREAT at expressing his feelings, both when feeling fine and when feeling scared or nervous.  He was GREAT at being open with his feelings and asking questions.  I am so proud of him.

While we were there, they had a cancellation for TODAY.  so they asked us if we can come back today at noon.  Today will be the first day with the drill, but I am hopeful that he will do well.  I am so grateful to have been recommended to this dentist.  I am very hopeful that this will work out for all of his dental issues. I'll keep you all updated....

Now....a quick update about the house renovations...They are FINALLY underway in a real way.  We have pulled a lot of wire out of the walls that was already unhooked.  The walls for the bedrooms are up.  The water damaged sections of the ceiling are down with new pieces going up today while I am at the dentist.  The bathroom framing is supposed to go up today as well, according to my brother.  That would be wonderful.  Electrical is going to take time.  We have done some already with unhooking circuits, moving light fixtures, and moving some things around.  Being a former laundromat, there were a great many outlets.  So we have been following the maze of conduits.

I would say that in another week or so we will have a framing and plumbing inspection and be able to start sheet rocking one side of the new walls.  It may take a couple of weeks before we have the electrical done and ready for inspection.  After that, it is a matter of putting up the rest of the walls, painting, moulding, flooring, and then the final inspection, hopefully no later than the first week in February (as I already gave my notice on moving out of here by the 15th).  Moving will hopefully be the 1st or second weekend in February....yippee!!

A New Year, A New Start

Well, the holiday week certainly kept me busy.  Part of that was this little thing called a Kindle that A got for me.....So I have read five books since Christmas (I know that is a bit excessive).  I am so excited about how easy it is to get a book.  I just need to watch my budget and use the library and free collections more often than buying a new book, or else my basic life will suffer.

My house is still a wreck.  Although I have been working all week in addition to reading, I have also started work (or rather my father has started) on the actual renovating of the new house.  The tear down phase is pretty much done, just a couple of damaged ceiling areas to tear down still.  The main wall for the boys rooms went up yesterday.  I can not help much during this framing, electrical and plumbing stage, as I have minimal knowledge about how to do those three things. It would slow him down too much to be teaching me as we go because I am struggling to pay for two homes at the same time, so finishing as quickly as we can is important.  After the framing, electrical and plumbing inspection, then we can put up the sheet rock at which point I can actually be of use.  I CAN sheet rock, tape, spackle, paint, and then deal with flooring and molding. Then we can have the final inspection, get our CO and move in.  Then I can give this apartment a thorough cleaning, and be done here.  I also am looking forward to having a child care area that is separate from the main living and sleeping area of my home.  It will be easier to design educational and fulfilling activities for the kids I care for, and will be able to keep my own children's stuff more protected and private, as the child care kids will not have access to their rooms.  Here is so small that the kids use the living room/kitchen and the boys bedroom for playing as there is too little room to play and do projects otherwise.

I look forward to us having our own house again, and to getting the day care license process completed, then I make more than $3 an hour because I can have a few kids . Iin NY you can not have more than 2 kids at a time without the license, and in this area many people make minimum wage or barely above it, so can not pay more than $2-3 an hour--and the child care subsidy pays even less than that for people who qualify!  Add int hat very few people have full time jobs year round up here, and you can see that making an income babysitting is not easy.  Actually making a livable income at all is a challenge.  But when I can have 4-5 kids at $2-3 an hour, I can make enough to actually eek out a living for me and the kids.

This week has also see A really step up to the plate with the kids.  A has been sober for one month as of Christmas Day, and the changes that I see remind me of the person that I met nearly eight years ago.  It is amazing how much addiction can change a person.  We have a lot of baggage from the past few years, so I am not sure if our relationship could ever truly heal enough to consider getting back together, but it is good to the person that knew back them again.  Of course it is not easy, and healing takes time, but I see A being more responsible with work, with the kids, and with taking care of the things A needs to rather than waiting for others (like me) to do it.    Each of the kids spent one night at A's by themselves, and then they have spent 3 nights at A's together.  I would love to say that I got to sleep in those days, but alas I still had kids to babysit, so the only day I slept in (to 9:30!! after getting up at my normal 6:30 to let the dog out and back in of course, but went back to bed).  It was New Years Day.  I went over to A's for New Year's eve, and the kids stayed up to watch the ball drop on TV.  This was the first time they stayed up for New Year's Eve.  Then I tucked them into their beds at A's house and headed home.  Of course I ended up staying up until 2:30am reading, so I did not actually catch up on any sleep, sheesh!!

I am looking fr\orward tom this new year.  I have many unfinished or partially finished goals from the last couple of years, and I will continue working on them.  The three biggies I hope to continue this year are getting healthier physically, getting healthier spiritually, and getting healthier financially.  Three facets of "wealth" in helping to transform my life. 

Three primary focuses for the physical aspect: exercising 5 days a week needs to start happening again; eating more vegetables and fruit and less processed carbohydrates, and being more conscientious with food and snack choices (broth or soup for a snack instead of cookies or a bowl of cereal; drinking ample amounts of water; drinking hot tea between meals instead of immediately reaching for something to chew on; chewing gum when I really need the sensation of chewing; planning my meals beforehand so that I know I am eating a well balanced, nutrient dense meal, instead of throwing whatever together at the last minute). 

Three primary focuses for the spiritual aspect:  meditating at least 15 minutes a day; teaching my children about and living life as a prayer (being aware that everything I do can be an act of prayer--a way of communicating with and connecting to the Divine); and  using self-hypnosis to actively work on emotional/mental blockages and to transform negative thinking patterns and habits. 

Three primary focuses for the financial aspect:  Making a reasonable budget based on actual spending needs and committing to it fully;  Getting the day care business underway and being very reasonable  with the budget; and putting some time and effort into the two business I have underway--finish my hypnosis training and get certified so I can make and sell some hypnosis MP3 and CD's, and work on my Ambit business, which my brother is law is making a six figure income from after only 2 years of being an independent consultant, so I know the company is honest, the service is good, and it is a great way to help others make money while helping their friends and family save money on electricity.  I just need to find the time to put into building my business to bring in more income.

So three focus areas for my continued life transformation of my life.  May 2012 bring blessings to you from unexpected places.  And may you be open to being transformed!!

life is BUSY.....

So, life is busy....So I have not taken the time to blog, though  it is cathartic.  Lately I have been going non-stop. 

The renovations of what will become our new house/family child care center have been painfully slow, mainly becasue we have not been abel to start them yet.  The permit process, which I had talked with the building code guy prior to signign the lease papers did not tell me what I neede to know (which is a common problem with him from what I hear, a man who likes to toy with his authority in ways that just make life harder for those tryign to do a project.  damn nepotism in a small town makes it difficult to have him removed, I have heard that there have been multiple attempts with signed petitions, but alas, he is who I have to deal with).  So, anyway, I am not well versed in NYS residential code, so I have no choice but to deal with a rude and intentionally difficult man.  And slowly but surely I am getting closer and closer to getting the darn building permit. then the real fun begins....As it stands, I believe that I will not be finishing until late January at this rate, which is okay, it just means paying for two places for a month longer than I had planned.

I did get the main furnace working finally, and then  had the town turn the water on, only to get sprayed with water as the pressure came up to full and revealed a couple of cracked pipes, so the water is off at the main valve coming into the house until those can be done.  I am not familiar with doing plumbing and was trying to have my father talk me through it, but he said it is best just to let him do it when he has a chance to get in there.  As the work can't start in earnest until the building permit is in (repairs can be done without it), my dad feels it is fine to wait on fixing the water.  I'd like to have the water on though so we have the bathroom if we need it while we are working.  So it is just slow going at the moment.

The process far the day care is also going slow, as the application required a floor plan and an outdoor area diagram, and until I know what those are definitely going to be, i can't submit the application.  I will be taking my First Aid and CPR certification course in a couple of weeks, and then the 16 hours of training required for the licensing in Mid-December.  So that is moving forward slowly.

As I have my computer back, I am trying to get back into my freelance writing work.  I was able do a couple of articles today which if approved will be over $40, which will be nice.  If I could make that each day in addition to the babysitting, I might feel more financially stable.  It is just a matter of hit or miss with assignments, so I never know when I will be able to get them.  And the higher paying ones are scrutinized more thoroughly, so there is a great chance of having to redo them or having them be rejected.  But it is something at least, which is good.

School has been improving for Josiah.  We modified the way his teacher tracks his behavior, and it has made a world of difference.  Before she used the green light, yellow light red light system, which may work fine for children who are typical and on track developmentally.  But for Josiah (and in my opinion for any child) is was not appropriate as there was no way to recover from poor behavior.  So if Josiah got upset and had a tantrum at 8:30am, he was on a red light for the rest of the day, a message telling him that he was bad and there was no way to fix it.  Which just kept him upset for the whole day, made him feel ashamed and self conscious (as it is posted on the wall for all the kids to comment on).  He now has a Frog Chart with 12 faces on it, and as he goes throughout the day he gets a happy face for appropriate behavior and meeting expectations and a sad face for inappropriate acting out/rule breaking.  He has made a complete 180, as he is now able to bring himself back around, and know that one bad moment does not mean he has to feel punished and ashamed all day.  He has had almost all great days since the second day after this change took place.  Yes he still has rough moments once in a while, but his aide says that he is working hard at self soothing, breathing, and getting himself back on track.  He is even doing his actual work there.  I think a big part of the difficulty is that they have never worked with any child with real special needs.  So it has taken a lot of adjustment on every one's part to understand how to work with a child with multiple challenges--physical and the developmental delays in social, emotional, and behavioral aspects that come with that. So overall, there has been dramatic improvement in his school experience, and he seems much more content.  Last week we also started him on alternative PE as they are getting into many things that are impossible for him  (like skipping, hopping, jumping rope, tumbling)  so he is having 1-on-1 PE with the PE teacher and he is loving it.  She is able to tailor his PE to his needs and to working on skills like catching and throwing, kicking (which is extremely difficult for him), right now he is maneuvering his wheelchair to kick down bowling pins, which is great for both improved use and control of his legs, AND for him becoming more independent in his wheelchair use.

Well, it is now 11:40pm and as my alarm goes off at 6:15am (and I seem to never get to bed before midnight) I had best end this post so I can get a few things done before I go to bed.  I have been working hard at keeping the house less cluttered, as it makes life more peaceful, so i have something I want to do before I turn in for the night so we can wake up to a neater and tidier house (not really neat and tidy but better than the perpetual chaos it seemed before--it helps that A's stuff is finally out of here and in A's apartment).

Anyway, signing off for now....