The rollercoaster stopped, but what planet am I on?

All charges have been dropped, all restrictions lifted...that was the call I got last Friday so I was able to go HOME and have my children back fully in time for Mother's Day.  I have no idea if my soon to be ex-spouse didn't show for her meeting with the courts or if she fessed up and told the truth about her adding a lot of lies to the base of truth.  But either way, I have been cleared of all charges.

So that roller-coaster that I somehow got shoved onto in early April finally ended, and its exit is not where I expected.  Though I have been at this carnival of crazy life since well January really, I didn't fully hit the midway until my job disappeared in march and then the COVID pandemic changed all possible plans. Before being shoved onto April's bizarre roller-coaster, I had been working on becoming an online ESL teacher, so I could still work and meet the needs of the boys.  But it has been so long I may have lost my spot, so I need to see if that is even a possibility still.  I also had applied to get my teaching certification in this state and planned to sub the rest of the school year and into next year so I could both grow my in classroom experience and still have the flexibility I need to get the kids to all their appointments, work, and get back to after-school activities that being them both joy and socializing. 

 I also had planned on getting back to wood-burning crafts to sell at farmers markets and craft fairs and rejoin my mom's donuts business.  Lots of little streams of income.  To have greater flexibility of time when the kids need me though it is more work.

Instead I am here planning out our budget to make sure rent and utilities get paid, grateful for gifts from friends and family that have helped. I am grateful to the school's lunch delivery that we have been able to take advantage of, giving the kids a good walk to the end of the street each day.  I am grateful for the regular checks that come in for the boys disability and survivor-ship benefits which keep us from drowning.  

But I have ideas and plans, and I am committing to get the ball rolling now that the unexpected betrayal and hellish confusion of April is behind us.  The only constant is change...well change and Love, real love not that romantic nonsense, but deep spirit level love that knows no disconnect from the source of all Creation.  It is what binds us together at a level deeper than any betrayal or conquest or challenge.  Maybe I will actually take a deep breathe and publish the book that I wrote a decade ago.  We will see where life leads now that life is opening a new chapter...unknown and undeveloped, perfect for the imagination to create whatever transformation it can hold to...