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Saturday, June 16, 2012

Shifting from grumpiness to gladness

Okay....so I am not sure why, but I seem to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, and have been incredibly grumpy this morning.  My beloved children seemed to respond to my grumpiness by trying their darnedest to see how much grumpier they could make me.   So, it was a good example of the Law of Attraction, the more i looked at my grumpiness and all the things  in my life and in myself that I feel grumpy about, the more things seemed to come up that increased my grumpy mood.

So finally, I woke up to the fact that I was not going to improve my day unless I shifted my focused and find a way--ANY WAY--to feel better.  So I have been shifting my focus to more positive focuses--sending emails to some of the people who have been sitting on my heart, just to let them know that they are being thought about and that they are cared about in this world; trying to provide a yummy lunch for the kids with stuff that makes them happy (so lunch was pepperoni, cheese sticks, goldfish crackers, and sliced apples); and reading through a variety of information on increasing the gratitude in my life, which helped prepare me to do a gratitude list--which is the most powerful way to shift from a negative attitude to a positive one.  So I did my Day 3 gratitude list (click here).

While I am still in the shift from grumpiness to gladness, my mood, attitude, and focus is much improved from what I was experiencing and creating a few hours ago.  A good reminder to shift my focus in order to shift my day.  Now if I can just do that in the financial arena and count those blessings instead of looking at the challenges, then maybe I can shift into abundance...

My blessings for all of you who are reading--May you get teh desire to count your blessings and let it make you FEEL BETTER.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Remembering Cheryl Beckett

I was looking through old photos tonight and I came across one that I love of myself and a bunch of my colleagues & friends from ECHO from 2003.  We were all going to a nice dinner or something (I forget now), so we are all dressed up--which is fun as we were all working in hands on sustainable agriculture and spent most of our time working in the dirt, so getting dressed up was a rarity.  This is the picture (don't I look healthy and good (in the back all the way to the right is me--my hair was long then)).  



Next to me in the back row is my old friend and former housemate at ECHO--Cheryl Beckett.  As much joy as this picture brings, it also brings pain.  Cheryl went on to work with children and women refugees who were displaced by the fighting in Afghanistan.  For a number of years she worked in some very dangerous places, giving her heart and her care to the women and children who needed it so much.  In 2010 while working in the hill country of Afghanistan, Cheryl and her team of aide workers were gunned down by the Taliban.  All were killed.  I did not know any of the other members of her team, but if they were anything like Cheryl...well, the world lost some amazing people that day.  I am sure the world loses amazing people everyday, but that day, I knew one of the greatest people to have blessed the earth in my lifetime.

For some reason one story about Cheryl that comes to mind was a morning when we were getting ready to head to the main part of the farm complex, and I was in my bathroom at one end of the house, and I hear this piercing scream from the other end of the house, so I run over to Cheryl's room and she is wrapped in her towel having jumped out of the shower, and is laughing very hard at herself.  A frog had gotten in (which was very, very common--frogs and lizards were always finding ways into the house) but she had not noticed a large frog which was up near the shower head, and it had startled her enough to create a scene (she was not normally scared of frogs or anything at all, it was just the unexpected presence that shocked her).  I took the frog out for her, and she finished her shower, but for some reason, that moment, the laughter in her voice after having a scare, the amazing person that she was--just  that smile, that joy--That was Cheryl.  There are so many other, more flattering sotries I could tella bout her, but for some reason when I think of that morning, I can hear her laugh and just remember her joy and her strength. 

I think of that story perhaps because the other night Josiah crawled into my bed complaining of frogs in his room.  I though he must have been dreaming, but low and behold the next morning, there was a frog hopping around in his room!  So those frogs made me think of Cheryl and her frog.  And then tonight when I came across this picture, I just have been reflecting on Cheryl, and on so many other amazing people that have walked on this journey of life with me--some for longer than others. 

Cheryl was the kindest, most genuine, and truly giving person that I know.  She was fun, she was serious, she was forgiving, she could see the silver lining even when she was saddened or angered by someone or something--and was a laughter through the tears person.  I remember so many things about Cheryl, She always knew when someone needed a hug or  listening ear, and was already willing to give either or both.  She was dedicated to her work, always up and ready to go out the door.  She was dedicated to her faith, and did not just talk about love, forgiveness, giving of yourself, but lived it...nay, embodied it.  She was down to earth, kind--so, so kind, and real, genuine, honest about who she was.  I have seen her happy and sad, forgiving and angry, upset and gracious.  I missed Cheryl before her early death as our lives grew apart when I left ECHO and later adopted the kids and she headed off to other parts of the world, but she was always close to my heart.  I would have loved to see her one more time, one last time, to thank her for all that she taught me about being Love and Light in the world. 

So here I am still awake at 2:30am (I have having a bout of insomnia lately anyway), and what am I doing?  I am reflecting on Cheryl Beckett--her strength, her courage, her love, her laughter, her heart, her spirit, her incredible hugs, and her amazing smile.  My life has greater meaning because for a time, I worked, walked, and lived with one of the strongest and most blessed gifts that God put on this earth.  I was blessed by Cheryl...rest in peace my friend, and I look forward to seeing you again someday.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Falling behind....and link to day 2 gratitude list

Well, I have not been doing my food tracking or my gratitude lists as I had committed to doing daily.  There are many reasons for this, but they all sound like hollow excuses, so I am not going to list them. 

It has been a busy week in some ways, and a non-productive week in others.  I find myself not using good time management, nor having the energy to do the things I need to and want to do.  So I am falling behind in many things.  Between car trouble, computer and cell phone issues, and general feeling of poor self-worth (I REALLY need to start listening to the Self-Worth summit that I have linked at the top of this page!  I always helps), I am just taking it moment by moment today.

I wrote a blog post yesterday, which I took down (something that I said I would never do). Sometimes we all write when we are over the top and then wake up the next day and ask ourselves if it was actually wise to say that.  I wish it were that easy with email--to be able to call back an email that had been sent the night before would be such a gift to fools like me who sometimes write when they are too tired or overwhelmed to use good judgement.  Even Facebook has a "remove comments" button, as they get that sometimes we all can be idiots and say idiotic things.  Oh well, such is life and the way of expressing with out filtering first.    At least blogging has a way to remove posts that should never have been shared in the first place.  So only those who had the unlucky  issue of checking the blog late at night or early in the morning had to read the stuff that I should not have posted.

Anyway, to try to shift my energy from negative to positive (or at least towards a more positive focus) I did keep my commitment to blog my gratitude list today, which can be found by clicking here.

Well, I am off to try to clean out my car and try to limp it back down to an appointment that I can not cancel a fourth time.  So send me your positive energy, your prayers of an uneventful drive down and back to the appointment with the kids, and send a new car  ;)

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

28 Days of Gratitude

Gratitude, and the expression and deep feeling of gratitude, is one of the most transformative powers in the universe.  As my life feels "stuck" in so many areas right now, it has come to my attention that I have not been spending enough time expressing and feeling gratitude, and too much time allowing worries and fears take over.  SO I am committing right now, today, that right NOW and for the next 28 days I will count my blessings.  For 28 days I will list ten things each day that I am thankful for, and WHY I am thankful for those things.

However they will be on my Gratitude blog, so each day I will post the link to that day's gratitude list on this blog (rather than re-blog it all over the place).  So today's gratitude list can be found by clicking  here on my gratitude blog.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Very cool series

I was finishing up the Healing with the Master's Volume 9 inspirational webinar series, and I happened up a link to another series that started in Early May, but goes through most of the summer, so there are still many speakers to go.  It is free to sign up and get on the calls.  Even if you can not be on the live call, they record them and have them available for you to listen to for 48 hours after each speakers call.  I never seem to be able to be on the live calls, but I greatly enjoy listening to and learning from them as I have time later in the evening.  It is usually 2 calls a week, so just 2 hours a week of power and profound spiritual, mental, and emotional guidance and teachings for self empowerment and growth from some of the best in their fields.

I have placed a banner at the top of my blog that links to the site.  You just sign up and they will send you email reminders of upcoming calls.  NO pressure, no cost, no obligation to listen to all of the calls--Just an offering of amazing teachings, philosophies and techniques to help you grow.

Enjoy!

Friday, June 8, 2012

Wow--what a week!

Okay, so I am really tired today--it has been one long week....

So there was an insurance glitch and so A did NOT go into rehab on Monday and was at my dinner table Monday night (and Tuesday and Wednesday night...)  But thankfully the insurance glitch got straightened out and A left for rehab yesterday and has started the journey towards a new or renewed life.  I will have to figure out when I can clean out A's apartment and arrange to move all of A's furniture into storage (in my garage)

The carpet is down in the daycare area of the house as of Wednesday--YAY!!!  it has been professional cleaned and has dried, thus ready for the room to be set up as of today. I have been getting the base boards together and need to cut a few to fit, so hopefully tonight I will have the big room's baseboards done after work.  And today will be the last day of babysitting outside of my home, as this weekend I should be able to get the daycare area all set up and ready to roll, so the two kids I currently babysit can come here and play.  AND I will hopefully be able to be ready for upcoming inspections in the day care licensing process, which will allow me to more than 2 children in addition to my own. You can watch up to two children at any given time in NYS without a license, but need a license to watch more--the license I am applying for will allow me to watch up to 6 kids in addition to my own.  If demand is great, I will hire on a co-worker and apply for group family licensing, which allows up to 12 children with two adults.  For now I will start with the smaller one, as that is what I have been working on, and I will have a licensed alternate provider and a couple of approved substitutes who will be able to take over if I am running around to appointments with my kids.

Yesterday was a crazy day as Josiah had his Neuropsychological evaluation, which was an hour and a half away, and took 6 hours (9:30am-3:30pm).  He spent most of that time working with the psychologist solo, while I had my own forms and paperwork to fill out in the waiting room. He did very well and worked very cooperatively with her.  She really was a wonderful person, and made both Josiah and I feel very at ease and comfortable.  A genuine, kind human being--so she was very easy to like and Josiah took a liking to her right away.  That made things much much easier.  So I am hoping that the information that she was able to get yesterday combined with the information I had provider earlier, and the information from the school, as well as her observations from the day she came to observe him at school, will help be enough for her to determine what is going on with him and how best to help him with the behavioral and emotional issues that have been developing and worsening over the past year.  I am putting a great deal of hope into Dr. McCabe's lovely hands.

Coming up next week--Josiah sees his pulmonary doctor, Gonzo sees his allergist (on different day, both of whom are nearly 2 hours away--the joys of specialist), and at Josiah's school it is heritage week, so many various activities including a trip to the museum, which I need to figure out a Way to attend or else he can not go.  Actually, he really just needs a family member to go with him, so maybe I can ask my father or my nephew Jess--Can you believe it, my little Jessi is 18 years old!! and heading off to college in the Fall!!  WOW time flies--and I feel old, I was an adult (19) when Jessi was born and now he is an adult--just amazing to me some days.

I will post later about how the eating life style change is going--lets just say for now that changing habits is a challenging thing, and it takes 21 days to establish a new habit, so it has to be conscious effort during those 21 days to embrace the new lifestyle habit, after that it gets easier.  Eventually it becomes second nature an you don't even have to think about it.  I need to get more sleep on a regular basis, I think that would go a LONG way to helping me maintain the focus and will to change habits a bit more successfully--I have not given up, just have had a couple of days where old habits have superseded fledgling new habits, but that is for another post later....

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

thoughts and day 2 recap

So, I guess I could call this day 2 of this particular journey of the rest of my life, even though, as I made the point yesterday, EVERY day is the first day of the rest of our lives. Within the context of this renewed focus on moving forward in healthy ways, I will call this day 2.

Well, I am actually finishing this post on Day 3. 

The hardest part about changing eating habits--or any habits for that matter--is the fact that habits are unconscious, we often are on automatic pilot, and so we make choices without realizing that we are.  When I got in the car yesterday, there were a couple of skillets left in a little dish that Josiah had snacked on, and without thinking I just popped them in my mouth.  When trying to change my eating lifestyle, to reduce my intake of processed food and refined sugars, it was definitely NOT on the menu.  What has surprised me most is how often I have caught myself doing the same thing over the past few days--
-pouring a bowl of Apple Jacks for Jos and almost sampling a spoonful
-setting out snack of goldfish crackers and almost popping a few in my mouth
-getting a cup of juice for Gonz and taking a few sips
-searching around the kitchen for a healthy snack and almost grabbing a couple of saltines from the counter as I was searching

All of these little unconscious eating habits that are not even part of what I would have looked at in the scheme of "what did I eat today" because they were not on my radar, they were just a taste here and a taste there while I did other things.  I am sure, given the current awareness of it, that it added many calories and sugars to my day. 

As I focus again on transforming my life through habit change, I am becoming more aware that my default, habitual thought patterns have gravitated towards more negative veins than positive.  So, it is time for an attitude shift as well as a nutrition shift...

Well, now for a recap of day 2:
My DAILY goals:
-Eat 2000 calories a day or less
--Day 2 total 1721 calories


-Drink at least 100oz of water every day
--Day 2 total 104oz water


-Eat 120 grams of carbohydrate or less per day (as per diabetes educator rec), at least 1/4 of which are from fresh veggies
--Day 2 total 129 grams carbohydrate


-Eat 35 grams of fiber or more a day
--Day 2 total 27 grams fiber


-Eat 120 grams of protein or more per day (at least 25% from vegetable protein)
-- Day 2 total 79 grams protein, 24% from plant sources


-Eat 80 grams of fat or more per day (at least 10g from saturated medium chain veg fat (yes saturated, yes from plants))
  --Day 2 total 103 grams fat, 45 of which were saturated--all from animal base sat fat


-Eat at least 3 grams of Spirulina per day (max 20 grams)
--Day 2 total zero grams


-Eat at least 7 servings of vegetables(2 servings of Leafy Greens) per day
--Day 2 total 6 servings of veggies, of which 2 leafy greens


-Reduce refined sugar intake to less than 30 grams/day (incl. table sugar, candy, and sugars IN foods)
--Day 2 still trying to figure out how much was in the processed foods I ate.

-Eliminate wheat and wheat based ingredients
--Day 2 --no wheat that I am aware of


-Walk at least 1.5 mile per day at least 5 days per week
--Day 2 did not walk


-Meditate and/or pray for 20 or more minutes a day (can be broken down into 5 min segments)
--Day 2 meditated on William Linville's Awaken to your True Purpose through Healing with Masters, a one hour audio program