...not create a mountain of stress and crazy running around. Well, I suppose it is the embodiment of both this time of year. I have been running around like a crazy person (getting NOTHING done on my book, which I had hoped to have at least the rough draft done by the end of the year...), and I am still not done with my shopping. I still have my parents gifts to buy and a gift for A (my ex), and A's friend L who will be joining us for Christmas, as she would be alone on Christmas otherwise...and no one should be alone on big holidays like Christmas. I am hoping my check comes tomorrow so I can get it in the bank tomorrow and have my money by Thursday as I want to finish my shopping (and food shopping for Christmas dinner too) by Thursday so that I can enjoy the last few days before Christmas -baking cookies, enjoying time with my kids & family, and all that jazz--I have had too many years where I am still trying to get the last few things the day before Christmas--not fun. A gave me my gift early, a haircut from a great hair stylist, which I got this morning. Mainly I got it early because last Friday I was going to go get my haircut and A stopped me, as it had already been arranged, and I said that I really needed it before Christmas because I was starting to look like a brown, stringy mop had affixed itself to my head. Honestly, this is one of the best hair cuts I have ever had, so I am very grateful for A's gift, as the local discount cuts place could never give me a haircut this good!! I have perfectly straight, very fine hair that does not hold a style at all (so a short bob style is usually the way I go--since I was like 4 years old), and this hair cut IS a style, and not a bob!! I am beginning to think you get what you pay for, even when it comes to hair cuts with impossible hair.
I also received a beautiful pair of LL Bean winter boots in the mail from my best friend, and the timing could not have been more perfect as it has been a snowy, slushy weather mess the past two days, and my old sneakers would not have been able to handle it, so I would have been walking around with wet and cold feet otherwise. Can I just say I have the most amazing best friend in the whole world? She and I have known each other for 20 years (we were freshmen in college together). We had a our first apartment together, we were the maids of honor at each others weddings, she stood by me through the adoption process that created my family, and I stood by her through the fertility attempts which sadly have still left her childless, and we helped each other through our divorces together (mine after 7 years, hers after 15 years). Though we have lived over 200 miles apart for over 13 years now, we still talk at least once a week, usually more like 4-5 time a week. We still understand each other, and have been able to support and nurture our friendship even as we each have gone through multiple perspective, religious, and values shifting throughout the last 20 years (and have not always or even often, been on the same page with a lot of things). So, during this holiday season, I am reminded again how grateful I am for a having such an amazing, loyal and devoted friend in my life, who truly is a part of my day to day life despite the distance and the time between actually seeing each other. I am excited to have her come visit for a few days between Christmas and new years.
Tonight I will be picking out a tree (I know I am WAY late this year in getting the tree, I usually put it up between the 10th and 15th, but last week was crazy busy and then we were away this weekended visiting A's family for Christmas (can I just say, building a good platonic friendship with my ex has been a great thing, as the kids do not be pulled around or miss out on celebrating with both sides of their family, and I also love my in-laws, and it is good to still have them in our lives). I hope to get he tree up and decorated by tomorrow evening. I will keep it up all 12 days of Christmas (which start Christmas day and end on the Feast of the Epiphany (Jan 6)), so it is not like it will be gone after next week. I had started to put lights up on the house a couple of weeks ago, but had trouble with getting the lights to light, and I have not gotten back to it. So I am looking forward to having fun the next couple of nights with preparing the house for Christmas with the kids.
Well, I have much to do today...so, in case I do not get a chance to blog again before Christmas, I wanted to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas. May this advent season and the coming days of Christmas fill you with joy, love, cheer, and a spirit of giving, and may you ring in the New Year in safety, love, and an abundance of positive energy. Oh, and if something more dramatic than an overall energetic shift occurs on this years Winter Solstice, the day that the Mayan calendar ends and the sun and earth line up with the dark center of the Milky Way, may you find yourself in the right place at the right time to move forward in peace, justice, and a sense of connection to your fellow human beings and spirit beings.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Old Habits die hard...
Well, at least old-habits-that-you-had-tried-to-walk-away-from,-thought-you-were-done-with-and-then-fell-back-into die hard...
So, as my last post indicated, I had slipped back-wards again into some poor eating choices and less than stellar exercise choices. That post was like 12 days ago with a major Feasting holiday in there, and though some of my motivation and power of choice has returned, I am still eating weird and not exercising enough. Thanksgiving--like Christmas and my birthday--are what I call "free days."
Free days are days when you celebrate and enjoy the feasting, forget about external restrictions, and savor & enjoy the food that you choose to put into your body (instead of just wolfing down as much as possible--so conscious feasting). This is different from "throwing your health to the wind" or "cheating on your diet" or "unconsciously overeating and seeing how much you can cram in before you are in too much pain to actually breathe". It does mean that you embrace the reasons for the celebration and feasting, that you do not deny yourself of time honored food or foods lovingly prepared by those who care about you, but that you take smaller portions of everything (still filling the plate) and you savor the goodness, the love, the tastiness, and you celebrate it all. And yes, you may end up full to bursting if you are not careful to take small enough portions, but it is a rare day, a day set aside for something other than watching your waistline...it is a day to embrace family and friends, and feast in all Thankfulness (I did finally do a Thanksgiving Gratitude list, which can be found ...by clicking this link). So that day I do not count...
But there have been 11 other days between my last post and now that I DO count as having been days where I have not been as healthy as I would like to be. It has been up and down, many mixed days, with green smoothies giving a boost of healthful energy on that same day that I enjoy a piece of left-over cake filled with ice cream, or chowing on thanksgiving leftovers in all of their glory for lunch on the same day I make a spinach and shrimp stir-fry for dinner, or spending 6 hours super cleaning a few rooms of the house (like spring cleaning (even mopping UNDER the big braided rug and the couch!) but not able to open the windows to air things out because it is too cold outside), the vegging on the couch and watching 3 back to back Sci-fi movies until 2 am. So an interesting mix of good, healthy choices and poor, less than Healthy choices. So, yes, my newer, healthier habits are still hanging on and part of my life, strong even though somewhat in a fledgling stage. but my old, less healthy habits are still hanging on, hanging around--usually rearing their heads later int eh evening. The more my brain and body feel tires, run down, or the stresses of the day have built to a certain point--that is when the old habits, the lure of the old "familiar", the lack of self-love, kicks in...
So, it is a process. It is getting easier, most days, to make healthy choices, to make choices that ACTUALLY make my body, mind, and spirit feel better, feel stronger and healthier. But there is still that part of me that seeks out those things (which for me are "bad" foods, lack of activity, and shutting off my brain with mundane crap) that are "old familiars", that were companions of times when I felt self-loathing, and needed to drown it out. I do not need those old habits, they no longer serve me, nor do they serve my goals and desires for my life. So I continue this slow Transformation process, letting go of old habits as I can, and building new ones. It is not an overnight journey to a new me, it is not the destination that is important, it is this amazing step, by step transformation, where I am learning who I am, and what I can contribute to life.
So, as my last post indicated, I had slipped back-wards again into some poor eating choices and less than stellar exercise choices. That post was like 12 days ago with a major Feasting holiday in there, and though some of my motivation and power of choice has returned, I am still eating weird and not exercising enough. Thanksgiving--like Christmas and my birthday--are what I call "free days."
Free days are days when you celebrate and enjoy the feasting, forget about external restrictions, and savor & enjoy the food that you choose to put into your body (instead of just wolfing down as much as possible--so conscious feasting). This is different from "throwing your health to the wind" or "cheating on your diet" or "unconsciously overeating and seeing how much you can cram in before you are in too much pain to actually breathe". It does mean that you embrace the reasons for the celebration and feasting, that you do not deny yourself of time honored food or foods lovingly prepared by those who care about you, but that you take smaller portions of everything (still filling the plate) and you savor the goodness, the love, the tastiness, and you celebrate it all. And yes, you may end up full to bursting if you are not careful to take small enough portions, but it is a rare day, a day set aside for something other than watching your waistline...it is a day to embrace family and friends, and feast in all Thankfulness (I did finally do a Thanksgiving Gratitude list, which can be found ...by clicking this link). So that day I do not count...
But there have been 11 other days between my last post and now that I DO count as having been days where I have not been as healthy as I would like to be. It has been up and down, many mixed days, with green smoothies giving a boost of healthful energy on that same day that I enjoy a piece of left-over cake filled with ice cream, or chowing on thanksgiving leftovers in all of their glory for lunch on the same day I make a spinach and shrimp stir-fry for dinner, or spending 6 hours super cleaning a few rooms of the house (like spring cleaning (even mopping UNDER the big braided rug and the couch!) but not able to open the windows to air things out because it is too cold outside), the vegging on the couch and watching 3 back to back Sci-fi movies until 2 am. So an interesting mix of good, healthy choices and poor, less than Healthy choices. So, yes, my newer, healthier habits are still hanging on and part of my life, strong even though somewhat in a fledgling stage. but my old, less healthy habits are still hanging on, hanging around--usually rearing their heads later int eh evening. The more my brain and body feel tires, run down, or the stresses of the day have built to a certain point--that is when the old habits, the lure of the old "familiar", the lack of self-love, kicks in...
So, it is a process. It is getting easier, most days, to make healthy choices, to make choices that ACTUALLY make my body, mind, and spirit feel better, feel stronger and healthier. But there is still that part of me that seeks out those things (which for me are "bad" foods, lack of activity, and shutting off my brain with mundane crap) that are "old familiars", that were companions of times when I felt self-loathing, and needed to drown it out. I do not need those old habits, they no longer serve me, nor do they serve my goals and desires for my life. So I continue this slow Transformation process, letting go of old habits as I can, and building new ones. It is not an overnight journey to a new me, it is not the destination that is important, it is this amazing step, by step transformation, where I am learning who I am, and what I can contribute to life.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Mal-adaptive coping skills-OR-Eating crap makes you feel like crap
Okay, so....
the past week or so, I have not been eating "the good stuff", and i do not feel good...
hmm... correlation?!?!
--instead of green smoothies packed with vegetable micro-nutrients and hard boiled eggs laid by happy, cage free chickens, I have been eating gas station grab and go breakfast sandwiches for breakfast.
--instead of tuna fish with mayo and pickles on Kale leaves, I have been snagging "tornados" (little tortilla roll-ups stuffed with things like "steak and cheese" or "sausage and peppers") for lunch
--instead of making a kale, red cabbage, broccoli and shrimp stir fry with brown rice for dinner, I have tossed a frozen pizza in the oven and served it with canned peaches one night; another night was frozen chicken nuggets and frozen french fries with canned spinach, instead of the a turkey and spinach pie.
So, not only do I feel extra tired this week, as I also have not done ANY walking this week, I also feel irritable, grumpy, and just plain out of sorts.
While some of those feelings have to do with some life challenges that are creating friction in my spirit and with little annoyances of ongoing themes that I just have to find a way to either change my attitude about or change the system that causes the annoyances (if you can't change it, you need to find a way to just accept it), some of those feelings are caused (or at least amplified) by the poorer health choices I have been making this week.
I had not realized how much my diet and basic lifestyle habits had been changing, or the effect it had, as things changed slowly over the past couple of months since I had started exercising regularly and eating more health consciously. With just a few days of crap eating and lack of intentionally focused movement, I have found that my general emotional character is on the downward slope and my ability to focus on what I need to do to deal with the challenges before me is diminished. So it becomes a cycle--some additional pressures of life added to the normal day to day stress of life prompts me to seek out "comfort" foods and reduced my motivation to get my body moving. In turn the lack of exercise and the poor nutritional quality of the food compounded with the chemical components of processed foods leads to me feeling more tires and burdened, and thus increases the desire to just return to old methods of feeling secure--like being a couch potato and eating crappy foods (odd how those things are associated with "comfort" when they really bring anything BUT comfort in the long run).
It boils down to mal-adaptive coping skills. Those things we learned through trial and error during the sad, scary, or traumatic times in our lives that in those specific instances alleviated some of the overwhelming anxiety and emotions of that time, which became habits for us even past those extreme experiences. When you first stuffed your mouth with potato chips or a doughnut while being overwhelmed with fear or anger and knew that expressing it in that moment would have been detrimental to you, it was a moment of survival--you NEEDED to find a way to dissipate those feelings. Or that terror you felt as a small child and you cried out and your parents gave you sweets to help you feel better while they were grappling with things you could not understand.
The endorphin rush that came with begin so full to bursting that made the pain and anguish not feel so strongly; the serotonin rush that came after downing a cake while despairing from a great loss; the numb, protected feeling that the buzz from an alcoholic drink gave you making you feel less of an painful emotion; the way you could escape from the hard realities of your life by getting lost in a TV program or movie; the distraction from your emotional turmoil that happened when you accidentally shut your finger in a drawer making the physical pain a focus and lessening the emotional pain; the release of various brain chemicals that you got from winning $50 on a scratch off ticket when you were so extremely stressed out about how you were going to have gas to get your baby to the doctors office...all of these experiences are natural things that we have happened upon that momentarily help us feel better from the pain, stress, and fears we have experienced in our lives.
And when they happen once in a while, are not a problem. But when we begin to use (usually in an unconscious or sub-conscious way) these as a way to cope with the trials in our lives, a way to disappear from the pain and stress that life often brings, that is when these "momentary" and often unplanned experiences went from being a way to survive a momentary physical, mental or emotional overwhelming to a mal-adaptive practice that gets in the way of solving the problems that are creating the overwhelming situations in life. Yes, they are a type of coping with life, and may in the past have been the only one a particular person could do at a particular time to make it through a particular trauma or period of life. But when they become the default coping mechanism, they end up getting in the way. Instead of leading to survival and thriving, they lead to self-destruction.
So, reminding myself that eating crappy food and NOT exercising, are, for me, mal-adaptive coping skills, because when the additional stress of certain things gets stronger, I find myself choosing (sub-consciously for the most part, as I had planned out my meals for the week and they did NOT include crap, but just gravitated towards the crap in a less than decisive and more "autopilot"manner) those things which I had chosen in the past that bring momentary reduction of stress. It solves no problem, in fact, it creates problems because now the same stressors are still there and have not been dealt with, AND I am MORE tired, have less motivation, and on top of the grumpiness I was already feeling, are the feelings of "Duh!! I know not to eat that and I know exercise makes me feel better".
So, right now, for the rest of this day and for tomorrow too, I commit to eating food that actually makes my body and mind function better, which overall will make me feel more capable and less stressed, so that I can figure out a way to strike a balance with a particular situation.
the past week or so, I have not been eating "the good stuff", and i do not feel good...
hmm... correlation?!?!
--instead of green smoothies packed with vegetable micro-nutrients and hard boiled eggs laid by happy, cage free chickens, I have been eating gas station grab and go breakfast sandwiches for breakfast.
--instead of tuna fish with mayo and pickles on Kale leaves, I have been snagging "tornados" (little tortilla roll-ups stuffed with things like "steak and cheese" or "sausage and peppers") for lunch
--instead of making a kale, red cabbage, broccoli and shrimp stir fry with brown rice for dinner, I have tossed a frozen pizza in the oven and served it with canned peaches one night; another night was frozen chicken nuggets and frozen french fries with canned spinach, instead of the a turkey and spinach pie.
So, not only do I feel extra tired this week, as I also have not done ANY walking this week, I also feel irritable, grumpy, and just plain out of sorts.
While some of those feelings have to do with some life challenges that are creating friction in my spirit and with little annoyances of ongoing themes that I just have to find a way to either change my attitude about or change the system that causes the annoyances (if you can't change it, you need to find a way to just accept it), some of those feelings are caused (or at least amplified) by the poorer health choices I have been making this week.
I had not realized how much my diet and basic lifestyle habits had been changing, or the effect it had, as things changed slowly over the past couple of months since I had started exercising regularly and eating more health consciously. With just a few days of crap eating and lack of intentionally focused movement, I have found that my general emotional character is on the downward slope and my ability to focus on what I need to do to deal with the challenges before me is diminished. So it becomes a cycle--some additional pressures of life added to the normal day to day stress of life prompts me to seek out "comfort" foods and reduced my motivation to get my body moving. In turn the lack of exercise and the poor nutritional quality of the food compounded with the chemical components of processed foods leads to me feeling more tires and burdened, and thus increases the desire to just return to old methods of feeling secure--like being a couch potato and eating crappy foods (odd how those things are associated with "comfort" when they really bring anything BUT comfort in the long run).
It boils down to mal-adaptive coping skills. Those things we learned through trial and error during the sad, scary, or traumatic times in our lives that in those specific instances alleviated some of the overwhelming anxiety and emotions of that time, which became habits for us even past those extreme experiences. When you first stuffed your mouth with potato chips or a doughnut while being overwhelmed with fear or anger and knew that expressing it in that moment would have been detrimental to you, it was a moment of survival--you NEEDED to find a way to dissipate those feelings. Or that terror you felt as a small child and you cried out and your parents gave you sweets to help you feel better while they were grappling with things you could not understand.
The endorphin rush that came with begin so full to bursting that made the pain and anguish not feel so strongly; the serotonin rush that came after downing a cake while despairing from a great loss; the numb, protected feeling that the buzz from an alcoholic drink gave you making you feel less of an painful emotion; the way you could escape from the hard realities of your life by getting lost in a TV program or movie; the distraction from your emotional turmoil that happened when you accidentally shut your finger in a drawer making the physical pain a focus and lessening the emotional pain; the release of various brain chemicals that you got from winning $50 on a scratch off ticket when you were so extremely stressed out about how you were going to have gas to get your baby to the doctors office...all of these experiences are natural things that we have happened upon that momentarily help us feel better from the pain, stress, and fears we have experienced in our lives.
And when they happen once in a while, are not a problem. But when we begin to use (usually in an unconscious or sub-conscious way) these as a way to cope with the trials in our lives, a way to disappear from the pain and stress that life often brings, that is when these "momentary" and often unplanned experiences went from being a way to survive a momentary physical, mental or emotional overwhelming to a mal-adaptive practice that gets in the way of solving the problems that are creating the overwhelming situations in life. Yes, they are a type of coping with life, and may in the past have been the only one a particular person could do at a particular time to make it through a particular trauma or period of life. But when they become the default coping mechanism, they end up getting in the way. Instead of leading to survival and thriving, they lead to self-destruction.
So, reminding myself that eating crappy food and NOT exercising, are, for me, mal-adaptive coping skills, because when the additional stress of certain things gets stronger, I find myself choosing (sub-consciously for the most part, as I had planned out my meals for the week and they did NOT include crap, but just gravitated towards the crap in a less than decisive and more "autopilot"manner) those things which I had chosen in the past that bring momentary reduction of stress. It solves no problem, in fact, it creates problems because now the same stressors are still there and have not been dealt with, AND I am MORE tired, have less motivation, and on top of the grumpiness I was already feeling, are the feelings of "Duh!! I know not to eat that and I know exercise makes me feel better".
So, right now, for the rest of this day and for tomorrow too, I commit to eating food that actually makes my body and mind function better, which overall will make me feel more capable and less stressed, so that I can figure out a way to strike a balance with a particular situation.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
just touching base
I realized I have not posted in over a week. I need to get back to posting 3-5 times a week. But for right now, I just want to touch base. I have not been walking much over the past week, mainly due ot the weather, but in part due to a VERY low energy level. Usually walking or moving around helps build my energy level up, but this past week, it has not helped, so instead of making it 2+ miles a day, I am lucky if I can get my energy up enough to do 1/2 a mile. So while I have tried, and pushed, and have gone more to weather protected places (stores, malls, etc...) to walk, I find that my energy level has not been rising. I am looking into getting a YMCA membership as with winter coming, it would be good to have an indoor place to exercise.
Part of it I think is the grieving process, and though I have not been very conscious of how my friend's passing has been impacting me, I think it is a behind the scene process that is bringing my energy levels lower, and my overall mood lower. Grief is not a bad thing, it is a part of life, and a sign of how amazingly a person impacted your life. So it is just a process, and it is okay. I just forgot how heavy even sub-conscious grief can feel.
Still plugging along with my journey towards health, though I have been less than stellar about food choices lately. Halloween candy and my birthday may have something to do with that. Today is day 1 of a new plan of eating that I am committing to. If I stay committed to it, I will share it. resuming my spark people food tracking...using Nov 1st as a new start date.
Transformation is an ongoing, baby step process for me...every step forward is good, and steps backwards are not a real problem as long as I do not stop striving to move forward...
Part of it I think is the grieving process, and though I have not been very conscious of how my friend's passing has been impacting me, I think it is a behind the scene process that is bringing my energy levels lower, and my overall mood lower. Grief is not a bad thing, it is a part of life, and a sign of how amazingly a person impacted your life. So it is just a process, and it is okay. I just forgot how heavy even sub-conscious grief can feel.
Still plugging along with my journey towards health, though I have been less than stellar about food choices lately. Halloween candy and my birthday may have something to do with that. Today is day 1 of a new plan of eating that I am committing to. If I stay committed to it, I will share it. resuming my spark people food tracking...using Nov 1st as a new start date.
Transformation is an ongoing, baby step process for me...every step forward is good, and steps backwards are not a real problem as long as I do not stop striving to move forward...
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Life, death, health, wealth...
A week and a half ago I received some news that helped shift some of my ideas, challenged other ideas, created new ideas, and is slowly but surely transforming the way I have been approaching life, people, health, and spirituality.
It is amazing to me how one event can profoundly impact my own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
On October 13 one of the most amazing women I have ever known climbed the mountain from this world to the next. My dear friend Liz Adams suffered from a pulmonary embolism on the previous Thursday and was declared brain dead on that Saturday. One of the most shocking things about this is that Liz was an extremely active (mountain climbing, sea kayaking, scuba diving, etc...) person, who was the most emotionally stable and optimistic person that I have ever met, and who had a very healthy lifestyle in all areas, and ALWAYS had for as long as I had known her, which was the past 15 years.
Usually when a younger person passes away due to a medical reason, that person has either had a history of some sort of medical issue, or had had an unhealthy or partially unhealthy lifestyle to has contributed to the sudden death. But Liz had neither issue. i am sure it was probably either a fluke or some unknown underlying condition, but still it was such a shock.
I was glad to be able to attend one of the memorial services held for her, as I was not sure if there would be one close enough, as she lived in Alaska most recently, and her family is from Ohio, so both places were having a service. Luckily, the school she worked at in Massachusetts decided to also hold one for her friends and colleagues from the Northeastern US, which is where she spent about 10 years of her life between college and her early post college years. So I arranged for my mother to keep the kids overnight, and headed out to MA to celebrate her life, laugh and cry with old friends who loved her as much as I did, and connect with other friends whom I have neglected over the past few years due to life being busy, and not making those friendship a priority.
So health, not just diet and exercise, but the health of my connections with other people, has come to the forefront for me this past week. I am renewing my commitment to becoming healthier, in many ways, to sticking to my diet and exercise lifestyle changes and making them permanent rather than a means to an end. Committing myself also to being more socially healthy, not letting the tyranny of the urgent in life get in the way of the important connections with a wide range of people, like those many, many amazing people who have a piece of my heart, many of whom I have known for 15-20 years. Moving my mind and my actions towards finding a way to increase the wealth of my physical self, my social self, my spiritual self, and my financial self. Recommitting to finding more streams of income so that I can afford to drive out and visit friends, and maybe someday have enough stable income through working from home, that moving back out towards Boston would be feasible. So I am working on writing more on both the assigned article sites and on sites like Yahoo Contributors (of which I have put a link on the side bar in case others want to write for pay as well), and starting my Hub Pages, which I have yet to get off the ground.
May you, dear reader, enjoy all of the wonders that today brings, and give love to those whom are on your heart today. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Busy, full life....
One of the most amazing things about life is the ebb and flow of experiences It is wonderful to have change with consistency, and a return to old good habits wile adding in new ones.
So, I have been good (not great) at walking a minimum of 2 miles 5 days a week (with up to four miles on occasion . My body is definitely adjusting to this after doing it for nearly six weeks. I find I finish 2 miles in 30-45 minutes now, as opposed to it taking 60-75 minutes like it did when I first restarted. The muscles in my legs are getting stronger again, and I am finally able to walk at a pace that challenges my cardiovascular system, which is a very good thing. It is annoying in some ways to find the right balance, because to actually work my heart and lungs, I push harder, and my knees end up hurting...a lot. So it is a hard trade off, as I can walk slower and longer (3-4 miles in 60-75 minutes) or I can push harder and have a brisker, more heart pumping walk, but my knees start to buckle after only 2 miles. I do know from an MRI done 8 years ago when I dislocated my right knee cap, that I have very little cartilage in my knees, so they can not take a lot of impact. I am considering, especially with cold weather fast approaching (it snowed at home today!!), I am looking into getting a YMCA membership, which will allow me to do weights room workouts, elliptical machines, which greatly reduces the knee strain, and time in the pool for both aqua-aerobics and swimming. It is mainly a matter of cost right now.
As for establishing better eating habits, I can honestly say, that bit by bit, my eating habits are changing in a more healthy and positive direction. This slow change results in much, much better chances for a true lifestyle change, as I also change not just what and when I am eating, I am changing my relationship with food. It is not a diet, it is a lifestyle change. For the first time, I think that is really sinking in to a deeper level exactly what that means. It is said so often, that we forget to actually think about what it means to change our lifestyle. A true change in health needs to come not just from changing the habits of the outside, but the way of thinking on the inside. So as I concentrate on shifting our diet, bit by bit, towards whole foods, and more veggies and fruit making up the bulk of our meals (ensuring raw ones are a daily addition), I find that it is easier than I thought, and that I enjoy what I eat more, appreciating it for the gift it gives.
Some things we chose this week vs our previous choices:
Plain yogurt with fresh fruit cut up in it vs sugar filled fruit flavored yogurt
Brown rice vs white rice
Steamed fish versus breaded fried fish
steamed fresh broccoli vs canned green bean
lean cube steak vs hamburgers
100% whole wheat sandwich thins vs split top Wheat bread
Munching on Raw Kale leaves vs crackers or chips
Peeled fresh grapefruit, plain vs banana bread (or even bananas)
Spending time with friends doing fun activities vs sitting at home because money seems too tight
Does that mean that EVERY choice I have made this week has been the healthier one, of course not. Since starting this blog I have learned, and continue to learn each day, that I am not good with quick changes, and that trying to make drastic sweeping changes, even if I can hold on for a couple of months, do not have a lasting effect. For a while I got down on myself, as I watched other people go on a radical diet, lose a bunch of weight, exercise like crazy people, and look and feel great. Most of them, though, within a couple of years were back to their old habits, having gained back the weight they lost and more. The people I have seen transform to healthier bodies and healthier minds have been the people who have done so slowly, consistently making small changes that become part of their daily life without it being something they have to constantly think about and do, it becomes part of their being.
So as I throw out all these ideas on this blog, all these different things I want to try out, going from one idea to another, as there are many great ideas out there, many great methods, and a LOT of anecdotal evidence to support various schools of thought. But I am learning, and as I learn I share with you all, that certain types of transformation take place more slowly, letting the changes strip away all of the complex layers that lead to, not only the less desirable end result that you are trying to change, but to the habits and the thought patterns that reinforced those habits. It is not as easy as "you ate more than you burned off". While that is, in its simplest form, the digested truth to weight gain, the mechanisms, biology, physiology psychology, and sociology that lead to that fact is much more complex and interwoven. Picking it apart, even if you do not identify exactly what it is you are picking apart, is vital to creating lasting change. For me, right now, that means listening to myself, what I am comfortable with, what i am not, what makes me feel good, what makes me feel crappy--and reaching for the better feeling, for the more healthy choices of thought and sustenance. So that is where I am in this journey today....
So, I have been good (not great) at walking a minimum of 2 miles 5 days a week (with up to four miles on occasion . My body is definitely adjusting to this after doing it for nearly six weeks. I find I finish 2 miles in 30-45 minutes now, as opposed to it taking 60-75 minutes like it did when I first restarted. The muscles in my legs are getting stronger again, and I am finally able to walk at a pace that challenges my cardiovascular system, which is a very good thing. It is annoying in some ways to find the right balance, because to actually work my heart and lungs, I push harder, and my knees end up hurting...a lot. So it is a hard trade off, as I can walk slower and longer (3-4 miles in 60-75 minutes) or I can push harder and have a brisker, more heart pumping walk, but my knees start to buckle after only 2 miles. I do know from an MRI done 8 years ago when I dislocated my right knee cap, that I have very little cartilage in my knees, so they can not take a lot of impact. I am considering, especially with cold weather fast approaching (it snowed at home today!!), I am looking into getting a YMCA membership, which will allow me to do weights room workouts, elliptical machines, which greatly reduces the knee strain, and time in the pool for both aqua-aerobics and swimming. It is mainly a matter of cost right now.
As for establishing better eating habits, I can honestly say, that bit by bit, my eating habits are changing in a more healthy and positive direction. This slow change results in much, much better chances for a true lifestyle change, as I also change not just what and when I am eating, I am changing my relationship with food. It is not a diet, it is a lifestyle change. For the first time, I think that is really sinking in to a deeper level exactly what that means. It is said so often, that we forget to actually think about what it means to change our lifestyle. A true change in health needs to come not just from changing the habits of the outside, but the way of thinking on the inside. So as I concentrate on shifting our diet, bit by bit, towards whole foods, and more veggies and fruit making up the bulk of our meals (ensuring raw ones are a daily addition), I find that it is easier than I thought, and that I enjoy what I eat more, appreciating it for the gift it gives.
Some things we chose this week vs our previous choices:
Plain yogurt with fresh fruit cut up in it vs sugar filled fruit flavored yogurt
Brown rice vs white rice
Steamed fish versus breaded fried fish
steamed fresh broccoli vs canned green bean
lean cube steak vs hamburgers
100% whole wheat sandwich thins vs split top Wheat bread
Munching on Raw Kale leaves vs crackers or chips
Peeled fresh grapefruit, plain vs banana bread (or even bananas)
Spending time with friends doing fun activities vs sitting at home because money seems too tight
Does that mean that EVERY choice I have made this week has been the healthier one, of course not. Since starting this blog I have learned, and continue to learn each day, that I am not good with quick changes, and that trying to make drastic sweeping changes, even if I can hold on for a couple of months, do not have a lasting effect. For a while I got down on myself, as I watched other people go on a radical diet, lose a bunch of weight, exercise like crazy people, and look and feel great. Most of them, though, within a couple of years were back to their old habits, having gained back the weight they lost and more. The people I have seen transform to healthier bodies and healthier minds have been the people who have done so slowly, consistently making small changes that become part of their daily life without it being something they have to constantly think about and do, it becomes part of their being.
So as I throw out all these ideas on this blog, all these different things I want to try out, going from one idea to another, as there are many great ideas out there, many great methods, and a LOT of anecdotal evidence to support various schools of thought. But I am learning, and as I learn I share with you all, that certain types of transformation take place more slowly, letting the changes strip away all of the complex layers that lead to, not only the less desirable end result that you are trying to change, but to the habits and the thought patterns that reinforced those habits. It is not as easy as "you ate more than you burned off". While that is, in its simplest form, the digested truth to weight gain, the mechanisms, biology, physiology psychology, and sociology that lead to that fact is much more complex and interwoven. Picking it apart, even if you do not identify exactly what it is you are picking apart, is vital to creating lasting change. For me, right now, that means listening to myself, what I am comfortable with, what i am not, what makes me feel good, what makes me feel crappy--and reaching for the better feeling, for the more healthy choices of thought and sustenance. So that is where I am in this journey today....
Monday, October 1, 2012
Finding a "healthy lifestyle change" buddy
Okay, So, if you have been following this blog for very long, you know that I have had many fits and starts on this road to transforming my physical body. I will do well for a while and then drop back to older, bad habits, and then push forward again, and back again, over and over.... The end result of which is still progress in the right direction (over 30 pounds lighter with much better eating/exercise habits than I had when I first started out--a year and a half ago).
My most recent push forward has been successful in that I am walking 2 to 4 miles every weekday (except for 2) in the past month. So my body and mind have started to adjust to this as a new normal, and I don't feel right (physically or mentally) if I don't do it, so it is well on its way to becoming a true, ingrained habit.
My eating habits, while greatly improved from when I began this blog--in that I:
1) use almost exclusively whole grains (brown rice, whole wheat pasta, whole grain breads, etc...) as opposed to more processed, less fiber rich, less nutritious grains;
2)I ensure that I get AT LEAST 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, usually more, with the majority of it fresh, some frozen and a little canned; I eat at least one to two servings of a leafy green vegetable (usually Kale, Cabbage, or Chard--I am partial to the more flavorful, leathery leaves I guess) each day.
3) I also have greatly reduced the amount of processed, prepackaged food that I serve at home. yes the kids still eat ready to eat cereal and granola bars, and we do instant mashed potatoes, box mac & cheese, and even those skillet meals occasionally But for the most part, I try to focus our grocery shopping and meal prep on whole foods, the fresher the better. While I can't seem to get the kids to eat the kale int eh stir fry, they eat most of the other veggies and fish (or shrimp or chicken) that is in the stir fry, they prefer the brown rice to white rice, and they see fruit as a great snack choice.
4) now that I am out of the house all day, most days I pack a lunch that is protein and raw veggie/raw fruit based
So, I have developed some very good habits, many of which have become a true lifestyle change, which is the goal. However, I am still around 100 pounds from my goal weight,need to get my blood sugar under better control (the walking is helping with that quite a bit, but it is still not as low or as consistent as it really needs to be for my body to go from being over-stressed by my blood sugar to it moving towards a state of healing and good health).
Why, you may ask, am I still having trouble getting the weight off? Well, the biggest answer that I can provide, is that while I may be developing good habits, I still have a lot of bad ones. Emotional eating is a huge bad habit of mine, and while I have curbed a lot of my poor eating habits, the compulsive drive to eat when under stress is still one that I deal with on a daily basis--almost exclusively in the evening after the kids go to bed. I tried to make a rule for myself that I could not eat after 9pm, aside from tea or MAYBE a piece of fruit or a small amount of plain yogurt IF I really was HUNGRY not just wanting to eat. I used to not be a late night snacker. Ten years ago, I NEVER ate in my bedroom, and I rarely had the desire to eat after 9pm, and would usually have a cup of herbal tea and read a book. While I was heavy (and an overeater) I was also a lot healthier, much more socially active (amazing how quality social interaction feeds your soul so you don't feel the compulsive need to fill that void with food), and was not a single mom raising two kids with special needs--which adds its own, special kind of stress to life.
So I have been trying to figure out a way to combat some of this compulsion to overeat at night. It s not like a gorge on junk food--no last night I ate left over roast chicken, a pear, an orange, an apple, a plum, 3 pieces of celery with cream cheese spread, a handful of saltine crackers, a glass of milk, and some raisins (all after 9pm). The night before, I had a glass of water and a plum after 9pm. So, what was the difference between two--one that prompted a normal, healthy snack time, and the other that prompted a continuous stream of munching on healthy stuff. Well, Saturday, some newer friends came over for dinner, their son played with my sons, I had great grown up conversation, a nice dinner and four hours really connecting with these two people. So, that social connection void felt fulfilled (we even talked weight loss stuff and recipes and walking and zumba). Sunday I took the kids to visit my ex, played Wii in the family room, had dinner at the halfway house, and headed home late, put the kids to bed, and sat down to read. So some social activity, but some stress added (not that there was not stress added the day before when I had to prepare my house to welcome guests who I really had only recently met--just a different kind of stress).
So I have decided that one of the things that MAY help curb some of my compulsive overeating or my emotional eating (sometimes it is hard to tell which has more power emotions or compulsion) in the evenings, is to have a partner in this weight loss journey. The woman who I had over Saturday night with her husband and son is also on a weight-loss journey (and has lost far more that I have), and has reached a bit of a plateau. So I think if she and I can buddy up, plan meals, hold each other accountable, and help to fulfill that social connection void for each other, we may both have greater success. It will be a challenge as they live nearly 2 hours from where I do, but with the age of internet, phones, skype and such, hopefully having a somewhat medium distance buddy towards better health, will help move my progress along more quickly and successfully. This is quite a journey, and you never know where each path will lead until you start walking on it.
My most recent push forward has been successful in that I am walking 2 to 4 miles every weekday (except for 2) in the past month. So my body and mind have started to adjust to this as a new normal, and I don't feel right (physically or mentally) if I don't do it, so it is well on its way to becoming a true, ingrained habit.
My eating habits, while greatly improved from when I began this blog--in that I:
1) use almost exclusively whole grains (brown rice, whole wheat pasta, whole grain breads, etc...) as opposed to more processed, less fiber rich, less nutritious grains;
2)I ensure that I get AT LEAST 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, usually more, with the majority of it fresh, some frozen and a little canned; I eat at least one to two servings of a leafy green vegetable (usually Kale, Cabbage, or Chard--I am partial to the more flavorful, leathery leaves I guess) each day.
3) I also have greatly reduced the amount of processed, prepackaged food that I serve at home. yes the kids still eat ready to eat cereal and granola bars, and we do instant mashed potatoes, box mac & cheese, and even those skillet meals occasionally But for the most part, I try to focus our grocery shopping and meal prep on whole foods, the fresher the better. While I can't seem to get the kids to eat the kale int eh stir fry, they eat most of the other veggies and fish (or shrimp or chicken) that is in the stir fry, they prefer the brown rice to white rice, and they see fruit as a great snack choice.
4) now that I am out of the house all day, most days I pack a lunch that is protein and raw veggie/raw fruit based
So, I have developed some very good habits, many of which have become a true lifestyle change, which is the goal. However, I am still around 100 pounds from my goal weight,need to get my blood sugar under better control (the walking is helping with that quite a bit, but it is still not as low or as consistent as it really needs to be for my body to go from being over-stressed by my blood sugar to it moving towards a state of healing and good health).
Why, you may ask, am I still having trouble getting the weight off? Well, the biggest answer that I can provide, is that while I may be developing good habits, I still have a lot of bad ones. Emotional eating is a huge bad habit of mine, and while I have curbed a lot of my poor eating habits, the compulsive drive to eat when under stress is still one that I deal with on a daily basis--almost exclusively in the evening after the kids go to bed. I tried to make a rule for myself that I could not eat after 9pm, aside from tea or MAYBE a piece of fruit or a small amount of plain yogurt IF I really was HUNGRY not just wanting to eat. I used to not be a late night snacker. Ten years ago, I NEVER ate in my bedroom, and I rarely had the desire to eat after 9pm, and would usually have a cup of herbal tea and read a book. While I was heavy (and an overeater) I was also a lot healthier, much more socially active (amazing how quality social interaction feeds your soul so you don't feel the compulsive need to fill that void with food), and was not a single mom raising two kids with special needs--which adds its own, special kind of stress to life.
So I have been trying to figure out a way to combat some of this compulsion to overeat at night. It s not like a gorge on junk food--no last night I ate left over roast chicken, a pear, an orange, an apple, a plum, 3 pieces of celery with cream cheese spread, a handful of saltine crackers, a glass of milk, and some raisins (all after 9pm). The night before, I had a glass of water and a plum after 9pm. So, what was the difference between two--one that prompted a normal, healthy snack time, and the other that prompted a continuous stream of munching on healthy stuff. Well, Saturday, some newer friends came over for dinner, their son played with my sons, I had great grown up conversation, a nice dinner and four hours really connecting with these two people. So, that social connection void felt fulfilled (we even talked weight loss stuff and recipes and walking and zumba). Sunday I took the kids to visit my ex, played Wii in the family room, had dinner at the halfway house, and headed home late, put the kids to bed, and sat down to read. So some social activity, but some stress added (not that there was not stress added the day before when I had to prepare my house to welcome guests who I really had only recently met--just a different kind of stress).
So I have decided that one of the things that MAY help curb some of my compulsive overeating or my emotional eating (sometimes it is hard to tell which has more power emotions or compulsion) in the evenings, is to have a partner in this weight loss journey. The woman who I had over Saturday night with her husband and son is also on a weight-loss journey (and has lost far more that I have), and has reached a bit of a plateau. So I think if she and I can buddy up, plan meals, hold each other accountable, and help to fulfill that social connection void for each other, we may both have greater success. It will be a challenge as they live nearly 2 hours from where I do, but with the age of internet, phones, skype and such, hopefully having a somewhat medium distance buddy towards better health, will help move my progress along more quickly and successfully. This is quite a journey, and you never know where each path will lead until you start walking on it.
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