I know I have not been writing every day....

Wow, once you get out of the habit of blogging everyday, it is hard to get back into it.  Today was a good day.  While I have feeling very tired these past two weeks, I am concentrating on everything improving as each day goes by. 

I have been unsure what to write about.  This blog has not gone as I had planned.  I fund that I have been more just myself, letting it all hang out, rather than being just positive or just sharing what I feel is useful to others.  It truly has been more of a journal.  however, I found myself posting more and more negative things.  All I have focused on studying over the past couple of years points to the idea that focusing on the negative brings negative experiences into our life.  And focusing on the positive brings positive experiences into life.  I have experienced this many times even before I had really starting reading about it.  Most people have.

The idea that our attitude shapes our life is well taught in many psychological and philosophical ideologies.  As I have read more books lately, the spiritual perspective of this is amazingly powerful. Christ often referenced this idea, that what we focus on is what we get.  As I have been trying to apply this more and more to my daily life, I find it being more and more evident.  When I focus on what I am truly thankful for, I am abl3e to see more clearly a greater number of things to be thankful for.  And circumstances, people, and events takes place more often that make me want to say thank you.  And when I focus on what I lack or what is going wrong, it seems to me that more and more things appear to go wrong or I can find more and more wrong with my life.  The more I focus on what I love, appreciate, and am grateful for, the more experiences that I am aware of that make me feel love, gratitude, joy, and appreciation.  Pray continually, as St. Paul states, and you will find that you see/hear/feel God more often in your life.  It is truly an amazing thing.

So I found that as I blogged, and I let whatever I was thinking about just plop out, that I have a lot of negativity under the surface, much of which I have allowed myself to be blind to.  So i am going to work more on learning where my negative blind spots are, and changing those experiences, those feelings about particular situation or event or person into a new frame, reframing it to something that is real and positive, or at the very least neutral.

Sometimes that things we experience are not bad, but we perceive them as such.  A quote I love by Wayne Dyer is "Change the way you look at something and what you look at changes."  I have heard this sentiment in many teachings, but I like that phrasing the best. Blogging is helping me see my blind spot I guess you could say. 

I look forward to blogging daily again.  And starting tomorrow i will get back to doing my daily food journal, as I have been out of practice lately....thanks for reading!

Well, Spring Break isw over, and we are back in the swing of things...

So here we are, nearing the end of April, and the kids spring break from school is over.  They headed back this morning, so we are back on our routine.  Or rather we are adjusting back to our routine.

I went for a very nice walk this morning at the big park (the one with trails through the woods) instead of around the pond.  Most of the trails are dry now, and the ducks have returned.  I even saw a couple of turtles today too, which made me happy.  It is in teh 50's today, which is marvelous.  Three or four days of april break we snowy up home, so it is nice to get back down here to the fresh greeen grass growing and the flowers.  This week we are actually getting into the 60's and possbily might hit 70 for the first time this year. Maybe those stubborn snowbacks that still take up half the driveway and block our access to the yard will finally melt away.

I have been thinking a lot about what I want for my life and today really nailed down the five things that I want...

1) Paid in Full--all debts, loans, people, etc... paid in full
2) Good health and habits (mental, physical, and spiritual)  for me and my children
3) A Farm, even a small one, where I can raise pasture raised chicken eggs and vegetabes, to be self susstaining and to sell for meetin our other needs.  The time has come for my farm.
4) Healing the relationships with my family members
5) Friends, that I can connect with, have a cup of coffee with, a conversation with, and just share life with...

And Some days you need to just breathe, and today  is a day for breathing.....so that is what I am doing.  I will post again soon....

Sorry for the long delay...

With april Break and just a LOT going on, I have had very little time to actually sit downand write on my computer.  The kids keep me hoping, more so than usual these past couple of weeks.  I did finally do a weigh in on monday, and I had gained back 2 pounds fo what I had lost.  This does not surprise me as I have been eating less carefully than i should be, and allowed my emotional eating tendencies to have free reign a bit.  It just means that I have to reboot my motivation, and focus on the amazing healthy life I can have and will have as I respect my body and emotions better.

I know, after such a long break since my last post, this one shoudl be a doozy, but alas, it is 11:30pm and I am ready to turn in for the night.  I hope to have a restful, peaceful night unlike the last few that I have had.  So i am off tyo a pleasant dream land, and will hopefully pick up with writing tomorrow.  Hope you are all well and that this holiday season, this Holy Week in particular, has brought you new insights and renewed awareness, and fresh blessings....

day 33--the ides of April

Okay, so it doesn't have the same ring as the ides of march.  But it is the ides of April.  I had a great walk around the pond this morning, then listened to some of a book on CD (which i had also been listening to while I walked) in the Jeep.  I have A's Jeep today so A could drop my car off at the mechanic.  I am grateful for the help. Though I am really not liking A not having a job.  I am glad that A decided to go back to AA, but that does not make it easier for me to try to live my own life. A got back from the meeting and asked to spend the night.  It makes me want to pull all of my hair out when I hear "I could just sleep on your floor."  That puts me in the position of having so say no, of giving A the experience of rejection, of having to put up walls again.  Every time I feel like we have taken a step forward in this building of our friendship, A makes me take a step back and realize that we have different goals, and I am not willing to accept A's goals.  I will not get back together as a couple, there are too many lies, to many belligerent words, too much emotional abuse, and too much of an unhealthy relationship--even since we have tried to live closer to each other, not just old stuff, but CURRENT issues--it is too much, And I won't do it.

Overall though it was a good day.  I had sausage egg and cheese on an English muffin, and a coffee.  Later I had a turkey sandwich with lettuce, tomato, and pickles.  I had some chips and a yogurt. and i drank a lemonade in addition to my bottle of water.  For dinner we had popcorn chicken, tater tots, and streamed broccoli.  In the evening I had a big bowl of air popped popcorn with butter.

Note:  I forgot to post this last night (I just saved it), so I am posting it now.

Day 32--I think, i will actually have to go back and count that out again

Well, I have not weighed myself since last week, and was going to do it this morning, but I was distracted by the power being out, and thus forgot.  Luckily it was only out in my town and when I got down the hill (i.e. the mountain I drive down everyday), the lights were on in the rest of the towns I passed through and there were no delays at either of the boys school.  It is going to be strange next year when I put the kids on buses and do not make this drive every day.  Granted I have through august that I will be so it is till about 5 more months of driving.  I toyed with the idea of having the bus transport for the summer program, but for consistency I will drive until the kids start the next school year.  J will actually be going in town to the local school.  It will be interesting to see how well he does there.  I am looking forward to it.  J is going to do great.

Spring is doing wonders for my life.  I LOVE the walks every day.  Today I did 6 laps about the pond today while listening to the Audio file from "The Secret."  The birds are beautiful, the people fishing around the pond, and I saw a groundhog hanging out in a grassy area.  The daffodil have begin opening, I am so happy.  I love daffodils.

As for my food journaling today, I had sausage egg and cheese on a bagel, a cup of coffee, a bottle of orange juice, and a bottle of water.  I also had a can of Star Bucks Mocha thingy early this morning.  It was WAY TOO sweet. 

I enjoy spring...I enjoy possibilities...

A spring day and decisions

I am so happy that spring is finally here.  Even though I still have yet to see my yard, the snow is retreating and I will soon have a yard back.  At the ponds where I spend my days, the snow is pretty much all gone.  The daffodils are about to open, it is so close and by tomorrow the beautiful yellow flower should be greeting the sunshine.

I don't think I blogged about the remainder of my eating yesterday, so I will try to remember.  For lunch yesterday I had a spicy chicken sandwich and french fries and water.  For dinner we had homemade mac and cheese made with vegetable rotini, and hot dogs and green beans.  i had popcorn and a couple of chocolate eggs later in the evening.

Today I had a cheese danish and coffee for early breakfast, and a yogurt with oatmeal and dried fruit for late breakfast.  I had a cheese burger and fries fro lunch with lemonade.  I had mac and cheese for a mid-afternoon snack.  For dinner we had English muffin pizza with peperoni, mushrooms, and cheese.   We also had grapes.  I had alot of water.  I have had a banana tonight and had a bowl of cereal (raisin bran with milk).

I have been thinking a lot about decisions.  Not what decisions to make, but rather about the fear and the uncertainty that keeps us from following through with our decisions.  Just something to think about and process through....

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."  --Dr. Wayne Dyer