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Saturday, April 16, 2011

day 33--the ides of April

Okay, so it doesn't have the same ring as the ides of march.  But it is the ides of April.  I had a great walk around the pond this morning, then listened to some of a book on CD (which i had also been listening to while I walked) in the Jeep.  I have A's Jeep today so A could drop my car off at the mechanic.  I am grateful for the help. Though I am really not liking A not having a job.  I am glad that A decided to go back to AA, but that does not make it easier for me to try to live my own life. A got back from the meeting and asked to spend the night.  It makes me want to pull all of my hair out when I hear "I could just sleep on your floor."  That puts me in the position of having so say no, of giving A the experience of rejection, of having to put up walls again.  Every time I feel like we have taken a step forward in this building of our friendship, A makes me take a step back and realize that we have different goals, and I am not willing to accept A's goals.  I will not get back together as a couple, there are too many lies, to many belligerent words, too much emotional abuse, and too much of an unhealthy relationship--even since we have tried to live closer to each other, not just old stuff, but CURRENT issues--it is too much, And I won't do it.

Overall though it was a good day.  I had sausage egg and cheese on an English muffin, and a coffee.  Later I had a turkey sandwich with lettuce, tomato, and pickles.  I had some chips and a yogurt. and i drank a lemonade in addition to my bottle of water.  For dinner we had popcorn chicken, tater tots, and streamed broccoli.  In the evening I had a big bowl of air popped popcorn with butter.

Note:  I forgot to post this last night (I just saved it), so I am posting it now.

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