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Monday, December 5, 2011


Today I feel tired, not that physical tiredness that comes from a day full of work, chores, and activities.  But a mental, emotional, spiritual tiredness that comes from searching and seeking answers, a path, the right way to go on so many different topics and levels...the search that has given no clear answers. 

I am so tired of watching the public school system struggle with how to teach children in a way that honors them--their creativity, their individuality, their validity as fully formed human beings......And it is NOT just this small school system.  When we lived in a much larger area with access to many more resources and the choice of multiple Kindergartens )two of which were integrated rooms with both a regular education and special education teacher co-teaching team--even in what SOUNDED like the right environment, it was all wrong.  So it is not just the small school environment.  It is the whole institutional idea that all children need to be the same, all behaviors need to conform to the ideal so f the teacher, all thoughts, beliefs, and performance must be identical--it strips the humanity from the children, it attempts to turn them into drones that fit like cogs in a machine.  Perfect--not even real perfection, but rather the school or teachers idea of what is perfection, is emotionally and verbally shamed and verbally shoved into them.  Any child who understands their sense of themselves, any child who IS an individual, is forced to conform to someone else's idea of who and what they should be, rather than being allowed to be and learn and live and grow, and actually be the best THEM that they can be.  We have reduced human potential down to a limited range of scores on a test and a limited way of socially interacting that is far more artificial than it is real.

And moving is not going to change that.  I would home school as I did with Gonzo when it became apparent how damaging the Kindergarten room he was in (with teachers pushing him down, and calling him stupid (and a principle who backed the teacher instead of listening to our complaint, which came to us through a substitute teacher who witnessed this)). But I can not afford the necessary PT, OT, and counseling that the school provide for Josiah, AND I do believe the social interaction with peers and with other people outside the family is very important for a person to be well rounded.If I had the funds I would love to create a school for ALL kids, with and without "special needs" where they could come and learn in a child directed way, with supporting and encouraging teachers in a supportive and encouraging environment.  Each child being met where they are, and assisted in their education by compassionate, and passionate adults who love to instill a love of learning, growth, and knowledge in children.  I have thought about this for many years, ever since Gonzo entered the hell called USA public school.  The need for REAL education, education that honors and assists children in their learning, and that meets kids where they are and helps them nurture their innate abilities to reaching their highest potential.  Rustam's Ranch Child Directed Education Center---that name was discussed many  years ago.  While all hell broke loose in my world, I have NOT let go of my dream of building such a place, of being able to bring that gift to children, and of finding a way to provide it for free......

Any philanthropists out there who want to fund the start up and ongoing tuition scholarship of such a school????

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