Summer school & Pulmonary

So a quick update, mainly because I am short on time (I have to pick the kids up early from school for a second day in a row for a doctor's appointment).

So, summer school for the boys is off to a start.  Gonzalo is having an amazing summer so far.  He is in the same summer program with the same teacher that he had last year, and so far is doing beautifully.  I am so proud of him!!  HE has also been really good at home with me--amazingly helpful and obedient for the most part.

Josiah on the other hand, is slowly adjusting to the new, more supportive, structured and much more strict school.  I think in the end it will really help him learn to contain himself, and will help him stay calm.  As I look at his behavior, I am appalled, I wish I had pulled him out of the school up here when I was thinking about it, and either focused on home-school or getting him into a more appropriate program, as I think some of his behaviors and reactions are done out of habit--it was expected and not handled correctly for so long, that he has to unlearn all that he earned before he can really learn what is expected of him. I am hoping that this school program will work out well, as it really focuses on changing behavior and helping a child learn how to be more successful, both socially and academically.  He did have a fairly good day on Tuesday, so i am hoping that as the 6 weeks progress, it will be good.  He will stay in the same program for next school year as well, so these 6 weeks will really be preparing him for his normal school year.

Yesterday, Josiah had a pulmonary appointment.  He did great--he was well behaved at the doctors office (even though he had had a rough day at school prior to going to the doctor--but he slept on the way there for an hour, so that may have helped).  He did very well with his breathing test--got the rocket to the moon for the first time every!!  So his lungs are getting stronger!!  He will be going off his inhaled steroid for the summer (back on in the last week of August), to see how he handles it, as he has not needed additional steroids like prednisone in over a year!!).  She also upped his Zyrtec by another 1/2 teaspoon and changed it from as needed to daily--as he has done beautifully on the Zyrtec, but she is still seeing many signs of generalized allergy reaction.  So, overall a very successful and uplifting appointment.

After the appointment we ran around doing errands, picking up food and stuff for a picnic (cold cuts, chips, etc...), and trying to find a gas station (I hate driving round and round in cities that I am not really familiar with looking for gas stations while my car gas light has been on for too long, and my transmission began overheating again--blahhh--revved my stress up).  After getting gas and finding the playground (we looked for one with a splash pad, but alas I had not written down the address when I looked it up--so we ended up just going to the playground.  It was a hot but the kids had fun.  A couple of the slide s were too hot to even touch, so too hot to slide down, but the kids had fun and we all got sweaty, hot and tired.  Then we went to a different part of this large park (drove around to get there and it took me forever, due to unfamiliarity with the roads there--sheesh!!).  We were meeting a friend of mine for a quick hello and picnic.  It was hot so we set up under a tree, but I forgot the blanket so we just sat down int he grass in the shade.  The kids were tired.  But they munched their picnic, and  ran around.  I chatted a bit with my friend, though chatting is difficult with the kids as they require a lot of attention and intervention--especially as when Josiah is tired he can get over the top very quickly.  We did toss a ball around a bit, and then got going.  Josiah was in a mood and had some minor melt downs and bad language, and tried to scratch and bite me--I tried to diffuse it with humor, tickles, snuggles, whispers, and ignoring--when kept things at bay but not real comfortable.  So mos of my energy was just taken with keeping Josiah from having an all out tantrum.

As we were leaving I was encouraging Josiah to walk to the car, and he was saying he did not want to--during this exchange a complete stranger came up and started talking to Josiah, touching him and such and asking if he was okay.  As he did not take the hint to leave, I picked up Josiah and put him on my shoulders to carry him out (which I had been about to do when the man approached).  I asked Gonz to grab the walker, and the man asked G his name, when G said it, the man told him to speak up, so Gonz did and the man then accused him of being belligerent).  I just put myself between him and my kids and shooed my kids towards the car and away from creepy guy.  What is is about people that makes them think it is okay to just approach a disabled child and then to be rude and weird to both the kids and the parent.  Josiah tends to draw a lot of attention, and sometimes it is okay, and other times--it is just extremely uncomfortable and creepy.  Sometimes I am not sure how to handle that, as usually peopel don't get creepy.  Usually I just let them say hi and we continue on.

Family Visit & Fun

So, my sister and her husband and two boys have been up visiting this week.  We only see them about twice a year as they live quite a few states away, so it is wonderful when we get a chance to spend time with them. Yesterday we went to the Adirondack Museum, and had a wonderful time.  My kids enjoyed playing with their cousins.  We did take Josiah's wheelchair, as it was  a LOT of walking.  I will post a couple of pictures of the kids (I don't like to post other people without asking first).

Then we had a picnic at my mother's house and had a great time with the whole family (except my brother who could not make it, but all three sisters and their spouses and kids plus a few other great people).  So it was good food, good games, good conversation, and good fun.

Christine and Patrick packed up their camp this morning and headed out.  It was great to see them and have a great visit with family.  I hope you all are having fun with family and friends this week/weekend!

Happy 4th!!

I hope that everyone (well All Americans--and any that want to celebrate along with the US) are having a wonderful and safe celebration of Independence Day!

I hope that you have fun, stay safe, do NOT play with fireworks without great care, and enjoy your family and your freedom!

And let everyone around you enjoy their freedom as well!

"only" a mom

Sorry I have not posted in over a week!  Life has been busy...isn't it always.

I have much to do updates on..

First...on the weight loss front, I have been moderately successful at replacing bad habits with good habits...definitely a work in progress, but progress, even small, is a very good thing.

secondly...decision...Josiah starts his new school Monday.  I will drive him the first day so that I can meet with the teacher and principle, help them get to know him and go over adaptive equipment needs, and also help him feel more comfortable (which I am hoping will help me be more comfortable with this new change).. then Tuesday, the bus will begin transporting both Josiah and Gonzo to their summer school programs, which makes me nervous due to behaviors and potential problems, but it is what I have determined to be the best course of action based on all of the extenuating circumstances.  Gonzo will be returning to the same summer school program he attended last year, with the same teacher.  He did well last year so I am confident that with the general improvements he has made this year, that he will do well again this year with that same teacher.  So I will have couple of months for Josiah to get used to his new school personnel and class before the regular school year starts in  September.  Hopefully he will be comfortable there by then and they will have learned how to work with him to help support him more as he gets into the regular school year.  Then Gonzo will start a brand new (not just new to him, but brand spanking new) program at a nearby school.  I am very nervous as he did SO well in the program he was in fro the last 2 years.  but alas state budget cuts resulted in that classroom being cut out.  So it was no longer an option, which is frustrating as over 60%  of the reason I stayed in my little rural town is because I wanted to ensure that he could stay in that classroom until 5th or 6th grade.  And low and behold, as soon as I buy a place, they turn around and eliminate that classroom.  NOT happy!  But, we roll with it and hope for the best.

thirdly, the house is slowly coming along.  Each week we get a few more pieces done.  The kids and I are settling in, and it is slowly starting to feel like home.  It will be a while yet before we are "at home" in this new house.  I think as we slowly get more and more done--so many little projects limping along--and get more and more unpacked and set up, it will feel more like home.

fourthly,  as I have been making decisions regarding school transportation, i have not moved forward this week with the daycare paper work.  That will be up and moving forward again this week.

Okay, now a quick paragraph about this concept of "only" a mom.  I have read many things written about this idea that it is a lazy or ineffective person who leaves their "real" job to be a stay at home mom.  And the retaliation of how people who work outside the home and take time for themselves are not "real moms".  So there is this weird written war going on between Moms who work and want to feel better about themselves and their choices to be a working mom by putting down those who make the choice to be a stay at home parent, and the moms who want to defend their position as a full contributing member of society by being a stay at home parent.  I have to say, having been both a full time working parent with a good career, and being a stay at home, going back to work after a couple of years, then choosing to find a way to be a stay at home parent and have reasonable employment (and be a single parent, which was new as of two years ago), ITS ALL GOOD...and IT ALL SUCKS.

It depends on the day and the situation.  I found being a working mother to be EASIER in many ways than being a stay at home parent.  A big part of that is that when I was working, my mind was allowed to work in a variety of different  ways, I had colleagues, adult conversation, and a whole life and identity that was separate from my identity as a parent with all of the stresses that come with that.  For me, having a balance between the two was less stressful in many ways because it was two different kinds of stress, which did not necessarily have to interact.  That mainly was easiest when we had only one child and two parents, and his special needs were not overly impacting his life--aside from attending a special needs preschool program which contained all of his therapies.  So, even with one child with special needs, we were able to be a two working parent family, with minimal needs for a sitter due to somewhat flexible schedules.

Once we adopted Josiah, his needs were much more severe, much more life threatening as an infant, and much more demanding moment to moment, hour to hour.  We did juggle two working parents, somewhat flexible schedules, and two different sitters--but with his medical needs, hospitalizations, the frequent doctor and specialist visits, and all of the things that parenting THIS child with special needs entailed, it required a stay at home parent--minimally to manage his medical needs and schedule, and his in home therapy needs and schedule.  He also needed a LOT more stability and consistency due to a wide variety of issues (he still does, it is just that those needs have shifted in many ways).  Being a stay at home mother was incredible.  As much as I missed my job, there was so much work and reward in doing everything I could to help this child reach his fullest potential.  It was so rewarding to be there for every therapy, for every feeding, for every doctor appointment (and there were SO MANY of those early on).  It also gave me the chance to be there for my older son, and enjoy getting him off the bus after preschool, and being able to really help guide and shape them.

 I have worked many different jobs--from high level cutting edge scientific research, to slinging coffee at a coffee shop, from being a preschool teacher to doing comparative studies of cancer cells via electron microscopy, from doing laboratory sample preps for asbestos testing to being a resort house keeper--and I have to say HANDS DOWN being a stay at home parent is the HARDEST and most difficult job I have ever had.  And it is a job, if done right, it is a true career choice.  I am not talking about the handful of people who sit around doing face book all day (the modern day equivalent to the soap-opera addict), and let the TV babysit the kids.  That is not a stay at home parent, that is a somewhat depressed mom who really needs to find a way to connect outside the home.  MOST stay at home parents (moms and dads) are much more involved in guiding their child's development, helping them reach very important milestones, feeding their intellectual, spiritual, and social developments.  It is a job that has no break time, no end of the day bell, and is truly a thankless job when you seek approval from the wider community that devalues children and child rearing, which is reflected in how much people are willing to pay for child care, how disrespectful most people are to child care professionals, and how much disdain many working people express towards those who work with small children.  Those same people then complain about how screwed up kids are these days, and how little respect kids have--but it is the world that is created when so many in society view the care and guidance of children--by stay at home parents or other child caregivers--as a useless or unworthy profession.  Many of those people would no last more than a couple of months in a stay at home parent position, and would probably fall into that afore mentioned TV babysitter, computer addict depressed adult who really needs to do something different.

I do not think that a parent who needs to work outside the home is any less of a parent just because they prefer to have an outside job.  And I do not believe that a parent who chooses to make a career out of parenting is contributing any less to society than the doctors, lawyers, teachers, sanitation engineers, CEO's, accountants, or politicians are.  We all are built differently.  Our family situations differ significantly, and what is best for one family or for a given family in a given situation, is not what is best for another, or at another time within the same family.

There is no such thing as "just" a mom, there is no such thing as "just" a professional--we are all people regardless of the route our lives have taken and the choices that we have made.  Each of us is doing what we think is best for ourselves, our families, and the people we care about.  I wish that there would be less division, defensiveness, and argument over who contributes more to the world, or even more to their own family or their community--each of us, if we are following what we believe to be the best choice in our particular circumstances, are doing exactly what we should be.  AND THAT contributes to the health of our communities as a whole.  So, I am a scientist (regardless of whether I am actively employed in the field or not, I still have the mind and heart of a scientist), I am a parent (whether I stay home with my children all the time or not, I still have the responsible and heart of a parent), I am a self-employed freelance writer AND child care provider (so yes, I do make my own way), and I am me, and individual with tastes, preference, friends, desires, hopes, and dreams.  And each day I make decisions that impact not only myself, but also my children, my extended family, my community, and yes the world as a whole.  I am "ONLY" a Human Being--and there is nothing small about that.

Difficult day....challenging decision...

Okay, sometimes life just pushes too much...

Did you ever wish you could, for just like 15 minutes, be five years old again?  And curl up in someones arms that is stronger and smarter and more in control than you are?  And feel safe and warm and confident that everything is fine and is going to be fine?  That is what I want today.

Sometimes unexpected decision making needs, in situations that are far more complex than they look from the outside, make me feel that way.  That is how I feel today.  I just wish I even had one other person who understood all the aspects of this particular situation--as there are just too many to try to explain, and could just be here.  A little hand holding from someone that gets it would be akin to feeling like a 5 year old safe in a loving snuggle.  But alas...I am alone in this, and need to hope and pray that I make the decision that is best for me and my children, and not worry about what others believe about what I should decide.  My life, my whole purpose, right now is to do what is going to best help these two children grow into their fullest potential in ALL areas of their personal development--physically, academically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, etc..., which is a very different goal than anyone else involved in this situation...

Anyone have magic wand to make me 5 years old, and give me a snuggle for a bit and then return me to my adult self?

Discipline

 Today's gratitude list helps me to remember that there are so many things to be grateful for in this life.  We can take so much for granted that we miss the amazing blessings which are right in front of us all the time.

I was realizing this morning that my life feels like it is running on a road parallel to where it is supposed to be, and I can see that smooth, easier to travel road at glimpses through the tree and across the median, but I seem to be on a this bumpy, not well maintained road that has a lot more curves and potholes.  The view is not as clear from this road as the trees on the sides are a bit over grown and the road sometimes narrows because things are encroaching.  I know that there is  away over to the brighter, clearer road, and I am traveling in the right direction for what I need for my spirit.  Part of what has kept me on the road that near to but not quite true to myself is that I allow the worries and stresses of the day to get in the way of doing the things that I need to do to realize my full potential. 

Some examples include: Allowing my habit of eating in response to stress to get in the way of having a healthier weight and body composition; allowing myself to stress about things I can not change, which interrupts my sleep patterns making it harder to concentrate; allowing my worries about people, places, bills, income, the car, the schools, the kids, the dog, the house, etc... take over a significant portion of my mind and heart, not giving room for the spiritual and physical exercises which would promote a more relaxed and healthy state of being, and clear my mind in a way that allows for expansion of positive energies in my life.

Discipline--it boils down to discipline--practicing the life I want even when I do not feel like it.  I played sports for most of my high school years--soccer in the fall, basketball in the winter, and tennis in the spring.  There were days I did not want to practice, but to play the game you have to practice, so you have to be disciplined.  The be a member of the team you have to show up and be present with everyone else.  I had no problem doing that back then (even though I sucked at sports, I still loved to play and loved to cheer my teammates on).  As a kid I played an instrument (the trombone to be exact), and when I first started out, it sounded like a dying moose.  But I got better and had fun, and was in the band and the jazz band in high school--and it was discipline and practice that brought about a better player.  In college I used to exercise 5 days a week, because it made me feel better and was actually fun, so I know how to make the time to do so. I used to do a mediation/prayer time every day--great alone time connecting with The Divine, my Source, my Creator, My God--and sometimes I did not want to take the time to do it, but I made sure that I stayed committed to doing so for long periods of time, and my spirit flourished and was able to bless others regularly. While at ECHO, I loved that I found a dojo and started some martial arts training, my body never felt better, stronger, or more flexible, or my spirit more balanced, than it did during that period of my life.  It took discipline, commitment, and practice--and even though I sometimes ditched my dojo to go out for $1 margaritas with Carol on a few Monday evenings--for the most part I was disciplined and loved my training and my dojo.

So, in reflection, I know that I feel better--body, mind, and spirit--when I push my body to new levels on a regular, consistent basis.  I know that I feel better--body, mind, and spirit--when I am disciplined about my time connecting with the Powerful Consciousness that created and sustains all things.  I know that I feel better--body, mind, and spirit--when I create--either drawing, singing, building, or writing, for it gives my mind a chance to practice and play, and when I am doing it consistently, my life flows better.

So today, and everyday, I make the commitment to push my body to do more, to take time to connect with the Great Dragon (another name I call God), and to create something new...

Gratitude

Well, I have been enjoying doing my gratitude lists, they definitely make for a more wonderful start to the day, as when you start your day looking at things you are thankful for, the day just feel lighter.  So I did Day 6 of my gratitude list, which can be found on my website (click here).

Yesterday was Josiah's last day of school, well until summer school starts on July 2nd, if we can even get him in.  We have his meeting on Thursday to try to figure out summer and next year's placement.  I have read a 16 page report of the neuropsychologist, which reflects much of what I had been thinking, with some things that I was not sure I wanted to hear.  She was very thorough and very gracious and kind, and she really liked Josiah, which always makes a person a good doctor for him in my book.  So we will be taking that report into account as we make decisions and hope that we make ones that will be good for him, nurturing his challenges, and supporting his need for support in self-regulation and academic success.

Well, Josiah is now up and throwing a football too me, making it hard to type.  And my little charges will be here soon, so I will have my hands full in a few moments.  Time to get breakfast together.  Oh, and getting six hours of sleep felt SO GOOOD!