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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Just touching base

To my faithful readers, however many you may be (one, two, twenty...), I wanted to touch base and say i am still here.  I know it has been a few days since I last posted.  Last week blogger was down for almost 3 days, but it has been back up for a couple of days and I have not been posting.  Sorry about that.

Last week the kids were out sick both Thursday and Friday.  They both had fevers, cough and clogged heads.  They still both have post nasal drip and Josiah is very congested, though the fever part is gone.  J has been having a neb treatment before bed and his inhaler before school to help keep him clearer.  G is much less affected, though he also seems more tired.  poor G slipped in the tub last night (he was trying to get on his knees from a sitting position, so it was not a horrible slip) and bumped his cheek bone hard on the side of the tub.  He was NOT pleased about having ice put on it to minimize the hurt, especially as he had just been in a nice warm tub.  But he didn't look too worse for wear this morning, a little bruise but no swelling.  I told him that this was why I tell them no horseplay in the tub, and he looked at me strangely and said "I was not playing like a horse".  Mr black and white.  I tried to explain that it was an expression about playing by jumping around and spinning and acting crazy silly.  But still this morning he was saying he wasn't playing like a horse.    So I don't quite think he got my explanation.

I have done very little writing these past couple of weeks.  mainly because I have not been able to snag any of the first come first serve assignments at Writers access.  I should probably check first thing in the morning before I wake the kids up, but usually it is nearly 10am when I check and any early morning assignment have been snagged.  And then it is hit or miss through the day.  I should be concentrating on writing for Associated Content or writing for my website, or concentrating on getting some other gigs, or maybe even writing my book ( I have two in progress one non-fiction and one science fiction).  

Instead I have been spending a great deal of time applying for jobs in a variety of areas, considering going back to school as I have never had this much trouble finding a job.  A problem with a few things--being out of my highly technical and fast paced technical career for over 4 years (and thus 4 years behind on technology which changes rapidly); being over qualified for most positions that require a B Sc degree and NOT having a MSc degree to back up nearly 10 years of experience; and thirdly, the fact that I am not wholeheartedly committed to getting back into laboratory research even though that is the extreme bulk of my experience and qualifications.  I have toyed with the idea of training for a different profession for a long time, of answering a calling that has been on my heart for over a decade, that I have managed to ignore.  So I am starting to look into that path a bit, as it seems many of my other paths are not open to me.

Obviously I am keeping a very open mind.  I have not heard back yet about the farm opportunity.  I have not yet had any responses to the resumes I have sent out for a variety of biology jobs in a variety of places (yes, I think staying where I am is really not possible, there are no higher level jobs (I could keep going as I have been doing a bunch of inconsistent odd jobs with little overall dependable pay--the bulk of which could be earned over the summer) or I could move (thus starting the process of finding the right education opportunities for the boy s again--for which G is particularly difficult and the one most drastically affected by any move we make) and find a consistent, regular job with adequate pay, or I could see if there is still time for me to get my application in for jumping into an educational program which would take me down a new career path, which would again necessitate moving unless I do an online degree program, however, with hat comes expense and the possibility of having to take out MORE student loans, unless I can get a grant to pay for it (which is possible if I stay in NY as I have never used my TAP grant).

So I am still flittering around in that limbo of indecision.  A place I have spent far too much time.  In one of the many books I have read recently (I can't remember which one), the author talked about how id you are in say Las Vegas and want to get to Los Angeles, but don't know exactly how to get there, just a basic direction, if you head in the basic direction and keep going, you will eventually come to Los Angeles, even if you don't know specifically how to get there.   You just commit to the direction and keep moving that way, you will get to your chosen destination. However if you set out in that direction half heartedly, and change your mind and start heading in a different direction, and change your mind again and try to get back to Las vegas, and change your mind again and start on a different path, you could literally wander in the desert for a LONG time before you reach anything like a fulfilling destination.  The sucky part is that then you are always traveling, struggling at times to deal with surviving in the desert (sound familiar doesn't it--like Moses and the Israelites...), knowing that there is place for you, somewhere you need to be, but without having committed yourself heart soul and mind to moving towards that "promised land" no matter what obstacles, then you will forever be lost, wandering in the desert of fear and indecisiveness.  Which is kinda where I am...

There is much more I want to say about that, but it is Wednesday and J has Aquatic PT so I need to go pick him up now...

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