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Sunday, August 7, 2011

My baby is 5 tomorrow--8/8

Today we had a family birthday party for Josiah at my mom's house, with my most of my family.  Josiah was in his glory, he loves birthdays and he loves to be the center of attention, so for him it was like heaven.  He wanted a fish cake, so I did my best to make a cake shaped like a fish.  It came out alright, not great, but it was definitely a fish, and he was happy.  My mom has pics on her camera and I will post them when she emails them to me. 

I was not there the day he was born, and his arrival was not heralded with fanfare and joy.  His birth was very early and traumatic, and was to an overwhelmed young mother who already had 5 boys at the age of 25, who had sought to abort him just two short weeks before only to be told she was too far along.  He had so many issues with his early birth, and so few supports and so few people looking out for him. He was born at 28 weeks, 12 weeks too early and had many, many complications.  My sister had twins at 30 weeks, who had a large family there to love and support them, visit them, pray for them, hold them, love them....Josiah had no one but the hospital staff.  His mother signed him over to the adoption agency right away, and the social worker visited him once when the papers were signed, and entrusted his care to the hospital.  I just think about how difficult life was for the twins during that early time, when life and earth were so close to each other in such a young little body, and how they had the energy of love and family as well as the support of the hospital to help them through.  And they had many fewer issues than Josiah did (they are 13years old now and both amazing kids, with no complications (aside from my niece's eye problem with one eye that has done what Josiah's eye is doing). 

I look at this amazing little boy, and realize how absolutely blessed I am to have become his parent.  He is my joy, my heart beat, my purpose....I sometimes feel like I was entrusted with one of the greatest gifts that God has ever put on this earth when I look at this child, and God trusted ME enough to take responsibility for protecting him, teaching him, raising him....Does everyone feel that way about their child?  This old soul in a broken body with a tremendous spirit was entrusted to me, and he has become my purpose for being.  So many days I feel like God created me specifically for this--to bring this gift up into adulthood, to guard and protect him, to love and cherish him, and to help him find his way.  There are many other things I had done in my life and many things I will do after Josiah is grown, but I fell in my heart of hearts, that this boy is one of my primary purposes for existing. 

I haven't shared that with many people, mainly because I think some would come running with the white coats and calling for padded rooms.  Other would think I was just plain nuts (rather  than of the padded room variety nuts), and still others may think I am over dramatic, or putting too much emphasis on my son, or thinking too much of myself, or whatever.  So normally I keep these thoughts to myself, but today, I decided to share them, and share them publicly no less.  Because I am so proud that my son is 5 years old tomorrow.  In a few months we will celebrate the first time I met him as a tiny baby ready to be released from the hospital after 2 1/2 months, then I will remember the absolute hell and terror those first few months with him, and all of the amazing people that showed their love and support, including my dear friend and Reverend Jacquie, who drove an hour and a half to the hospital to baptize him in the middle of the night when we were not sure he would make it through the night (about 10 days after he came home), and my mother and Jim, and A's mother and sister who all came that same night each driving over 3 hours through the middle of the night to be there with us.

But little man is going to be five tomorrow, and what an amazing boy he is....
(my niece Savanna took this pic of him tonight at my mom's house.  It is a silly picture and I love his one eyebrow raised looked...)

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