Okay, so I know I do have breaks in my day which are technically time for myself between the split shift that I work with the kids I babysit, but it lately has been so filled with dealing with things with the new house, school meetings, dr/dentist appointments for the kids, and all sorts of other stuff that have to be done, that it is rarely "me" time. And, as my last post said I have been in dire need of reducing my stress levels. So today I have some time, by myself following an appointment for myself to just be me. I am sitting at the library, like I used to do every day last year, and just enjoying the peace, quiet, and solitude for a little bit before driving back home. A is planning on having the kids for dinner, so there is no reason for me to rush home.
The past few weeks I have been juggling the idea of stepping away from the babysitting and trying to find a job that provides a better income. Now that my savings are depleted and the house is no where near ready, so the opening date of the daycare is still a long way off (which when this all started a few months ago, I had figured out and planned that the house would be done and daycare registration approved by the state at about the same time that my saving ran out, which would have been fine, as I could have then been in the position to increase my income through the daycare. But alas, we are still at least a month from finishing the house, and at least 2 months (as I have to wait for the house to be done to even finish the paperwork to schedule the home inspections) from completing all of the inspections and licensing requirements for the day care (probably more). So the $80 a week I make babysitting is just not going to be able to carry us through the next few months, even with the boys' subsidies. So I am trying to make a hard decision...the decision to try to figure out other gainful employment and thus strand one of my potential daycare families until it opens so that I can make enough to live on, or to just try to keep squeaking forward with that I've got and pray that it will be enough to build the bridge between the depletion of the savings and the time that the daycare starts paying for itself and my family's needs.
I have been looking at the online writing that I used to do and I am not at a high enough income level with it to even replace the babysitting dollar for dollar, so that is not an option really. I think I am going to have to start applying for other jobs, but the area I live in has so few this time of year, so I will be branching out down to this area (where I am sitting int the library over an hour from home), and I have to make enough to offset the costs of fuel and childcare, or it is a moot point. So I am juggling and searching, and seeking a resolution to this issue, at least for the short term until things are such that the daycare can be opened.
In short term hindsight, I wish I had not taken on this massive project. i am hoping that a year from now I will look back with a longer term hindsight and say that this period of stress and uncertainty was worth it, and that I made the right decision to invest in my future in this particular way. (I know, I have a bunch of oddly structured sentences in this post).
So, anyway... I am going to return to surfing the want ads and see if I can come up with a few leads that will help alleviate some of the overlapping issues that I face right now, as finding and affording childcare for two kids with special needs is a challenge AND getting a job that allows the time off that I need in order to get them to all of their appointments (can you imagine any employer that would have given me the 16 half-days that I had to take off during the month of January for various necessary appointments fro the kids?!?). Boy do I miss my days at Cornell and the flexibility in scheduling that both Ed and Steve allowed me, as I could make up the hours in the evenings or weekends....
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