Day 8--Beginning a second week of my new life... (6 pounds lighter)

Okay, so today is the first day of Spring.  I woke up as the sky was still gray (stupid time change, but that will change soon enough as its lighter earlier every day), and reminded myself that it is the first day of spring.  I went through a mental gratitude list in my shower, and then got the kids up, dressed and out the door.  And THEN realized we were running about 8 minutes behind the latest-we-can-leave-to-still-be-on-time cutoff.  AND it was snowing.  So listening to the radio on the way to school and there are winter weather advisories in effect until like 10pm.  So, it is a snowy, and yucky first day of Spring.  BUT I am grateful that it IS the first day of Spring.  For some reason this winter has just been enough for me (I usually don't mind winter too much, and actually enjoy it for a good while).

So, lets start off with the weekly weigh-in:

Here is last week's (the very first-March14, 2011) weigh-in at 305lbs:

And here is this week's (March 21, 2011) weigh in at 299lbs:

My camera appears to have messed up on this one, as I had to do it twice, and the second one I did for some reason is not readable to my computer.  SO I have put the bad one on as it is all I have.  I also have one still shot of the scale which  I am putting here, but is also is a bit hard to see (though the important amount is there...)Oh, and I am including a copy of the weekly newspaper (we don't have daily ones out in this rural area, ), so that you can see that the pics were taken at least around the time of the newspaper...however the cat tail/cat butt was not planned...he just chose that moment to have a snack--right in the middle of my shot.
So, 6 pounds down in the first week, and I had a lot of disorganized eating, and episodes of wanton gluttony, but as they say in many philosophies like the law of Attraction, Positive Thinking, Zen ideal, etc... Your MIND is the most important part of any change.  So, as I focus on increasing my health--mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, then THAT is what must happen.  "What you think about you bring about." (from The Secret, though I don't recall the speakers name).

Okay, now onto today:  I drank 12 oz of water on the ride to dropping the kids off at school, then got a small (12oz) coffee at Stewart's with half & half and a little sugar.  I at a bowl (approx 1 cup (2 packets) of plain instant oatmeal and sprinkled in some dried cherries (less than 1/4 cup)--but no milk or sugar).  I also had a 6oz Raspberry Dannon Light & Fit yogurt.  And a bottle of water (which I took my herbal supplements with, except the approximate gram of cinnamon which I added to the oatmeal near the end (too much to be enjoyable through the whole bowl but, okay when concentrated into the last couple of bites, as I do use it for medicinal purposes...)

Side note:  I have figured out a way to heat water to at least luke-warm to make the oatmeal in the car--using a smaller plastic water bottle (16 oz store brand with thin walls), I wedge the bottle 1/2 of water between the defrost heater output and the windshield.  The hour long drive heats the water to a nice almost hot temperature, which I then pour over the instant oatmeal--and viola, warm oatmeal without having to pay $1.60 for a cup of hot water. I wonder if it will work for those little Campbell's Soup at Hand things, as they are about the same diameter, I'll have to try that.....

So YEAH 6 pounds down in 7 days (74 more to go to reach my first goal).  AND (ignoring the raging snow storm) it is the FIRST DAY OF SPRING.  Life is Good, Life is GOOD!

Day 7--the end of the day...

Okay so, lets top out the end of the first week of this adventure. 

After my 8:00am breakfast, I had another cup of tea.  At 10:30am I had a multigrain sandwich thin with PB and a dab of honey.  And another cup of tea, then some water. 

At 12:30 we had a lunch of left over ziti.  I had water with my lunch.

At 3:00pm I had a bowl of icecream, and some water.  Then  I had a small piece of leftover birthday cake. 

At 6:30, we had a dinner of a small amount of scrambled eggs, a sandwich thin toasted, and a bol of cornflakes with banana and milk (the kids had the eggs with wheat toast and mandarin oranges).

At 9:00, I had another bowl of corn flakes with peaches and milk.  And then a large cup of water.

So that rounds out my food journaling for the day.  I have to figure out how to upload a little video that shows my first weigh in from last week.  I will be taking another one tomorrow morning.  So I will have a record of weigh change...

I need some sleep now though.... goodnight all...

Day 7--It is a NEW day...

"Today is a new day.  I am starting over today."
I take that quote from one of the visualization tools from the secret (www.thesecret.tv).  During the week I usually try to focus myself each morning after getting the kids to school by using the visualization tools.  They are essentially visual affirmations to help focus thought and intention in a positive direction, to increase your feel good feelings and to help you begin your day in a better frame of mind. 

I was thinking about those two affirmations this morning.  Today IS a NEW day--it is fresh, it is the chance to start over again, to let go of what happened yesterday, or last week, or last year, or even 20 years ago.  It doesn't matter what has happened before, what has been done to you or what you have done that brings you shame.  Today, right now, you have the power to make choices--choices about how you are going to feel, choices about what you are going to focus your thoughts and energy on, choices about what actions you take.  Even if you are bedridden by disease, housebound due to infirmity or mental issues, incarcerated due to bad choices made on a different day;  Even if you are sitting there looking at a stack of debt, losing your house, and wondering how you are going to get back on your feet;  Even is you are enjoying a cup of coffee on a beautiful deck surrounded by a gorgeous view and a loving and stable family, and everything is going great in your life--- Today is a NEW day, a day  that you can choose, by changing your perspective (or keeping the good perspective you already have had) to focus on positive things in your life or about yourself.  A new day to start over and start walk TOWARDS what you want instead of spending so much time and energy focusing on what you do NOT want. 

So, as with the gift we are given every day--I am STARTING OVER today...starting over with my attitude, starting over with where I focus my energy, starting over with my relationship with my children, starting over with my relationship with money, starting over with my relationship with food, and starting over in my journey to a more healthy life--body, mind, and spirit.

So before I go to my gratitude journal (maybe I will do that as a blog at some point, but for now it is in a paper journal, there is a totally different experience in writing with pen and paper as opposed to typing), I will journal my eating habit today...

I have had one bowl of raisin bran with milk, and 2 cups of black tea.

I'll blog again after lunch....

Day 6--Weird day...

I can't go into all the weirdness of the day, but I wanted to make good on my promise to myself to publicly journal my eating.  So at nearly 12:30 at night (technically day 7, but reporting day 6)...

Breakfast--reheated coffee with half and half and 1 sugar around 8am
A's sister wanted to take us all out for breakfast, so I had coffee and the kids had a light breakfast of cereal as we were going to meet for breakfast between 9-10am

However they slept in and did not call until after 10:45am, so around 9:45 the kids and I had a banana each.
at 11:20am we met for brunch at the diner
I had 2 eggs over medium with 2 sausage patties and 2 pieces of rye toast with butter, and a cup of coffee and a glass of water.  I also shared some of A's home fries.

After brunch A's sister headed home for her 4 hour drive.  And we came back to my house.  A had to leave for work at 2:00, but got to hang out with the boys and play some video games.

I had a bowl of Kid's Peanut Butter Crunch (like generic capt crunch) with milk around 3:00pm, and the kids had a cereal snack as well (they seem to be addicted to dry cereal sometimes).  They also had some slim jim type snack sticks (the tiny ones) and I had a small portion of Ziti.

 Mom stopped by and we had coffee as well around 4:00pm.

Oddly we ate dinner late, around 7:00pm.  We had some of the ziti that was left over from last night and G ate some of the meatballs.  After dinner, the kids had peaches for their snack, and after they went to bed, I had a piece of left over birthday cake.

Then, instead of blogging or writing, or doing ANYTHING productive, I sat down to check out G's new video game--Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.  A's niece (adult) sent birthday gifts up with A's sister for G as it was his birthday last week.  So G had presents from his aunt and his 2 cousins (the lawyer and the doctor--pretty amazing family to have two young ladies (still in their 20's) already with high degrees, and a son in college studying prelaw--A's sister is amazing).

So one of the gifts G got was this new video game, and I like to play them ahead so that when the kids get stuck, Mom knows what to do.  most of their games are really simple s(as they are 4 and 8) so I don't really play them too much ahead, as I can figure them out as they go along if the kids get stuck.  But this one was a little more complex,so I wanted to get through a few levels.  Which is why from about 9:00pm until 12:30am I have been sucked into the game....

And now I am eating another bowl of cereal with milk, and have emptied almost 3/4 of a 2 liter bottle of seltzer water throughout the evening.  And I am exhausted and ready for bed.  I know, I actually have a rule about eating after like 9:00pm, but I broke that rule tonight.  It is definitely time for sleep, after I let the dog in so she does not turn into a doggie Popsicle.  I was so happy with the spring weather this past week.  It is now quite cold again and was spitting snow earlier.  however I have seen geese flying overhead, have had to dodge squirrels and chipmunks on the roads, and the dog has been finding a lot to bark at.  I believe that spring has officially and literally begun (and these last few cold blasts over the next month will just have to be tolerated...)

Happy Spring, and Good night...

Day 5--TGIF...

Thank God it's Friday!!! Overall it has been a good week, but the weekend is always a nice thing--no DRIVING!!!

this has beenan odd week to start this bolg, as I really have not done the things that I had planned on doing on a daily basis, like pre planning my meals, packing a lunch each day, walking every day, and various meditative and tapping techniques to help keep me focused in apositive direction towards the goals of making my life better.  But overall, I am finding that blogging is quite cathartic.  And the more I write, the more free I feel.  As I am trying to really build up an income as a freelance writer, doing the blog has helped unclog some writers block that I have had going on for a while. 
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Okay, so it's Saturday mornig and I never got back to finish yesterday's post.  It was a whirl wind of a day with A's birthday party.  50 years old, the start of a new era for A. 

I am not goign to write what I ate because frankly, I can not remember everything... I don't remember what I did for breakfast, I ate lunch in the car on the run (so probably almods and a cheese snack).  Dinner was a baked ziti, salad, and garlic bread, followed by chocolate cake with purple icing.  but what quantities and such for the dinner (I had one fairly large pice of cake) I did not actually pay attention to.  There was also some tortilla chips and bean dip inthere somewhere.  And soem coffee and seltzer (not together).

Anyway, it was a crazy day with a crazy eating pattern.  And I will blog again later, as we are meeting A and A's sister for brunch ina few minutes before A's sister has to head home....

Day 4--When you want to pull your hair out, but would rather not be bald...

So yeah...the mess from last night was still waiting for me when I woke up.  No little fairy gnomes had come in and scrubbed the house while I slept.  You'd think at least the cats and dog would pitch in once in while....but alas they do not appreciate me (throws head back indignantly)

So got the kids to schools, and headed BACK home (I look forward to when  school isn't over 50 miles away).  I did not bring my breakfast with me, which was a dangerous oversight as I really need to eat by 9am, and when I am hungry I am not good with temptation.  I stopped at McDonald's on the way and got a sausage mcmuffin with egg, hash brown, and small orange juice.  I went to the bank on the way home and got quarters for laundry, then stopped at the old trailer, where a lot of my stuff is still stored.  And climbed a good 8 foot snowbank and trudged through thigh deep snow (took nearly 10 minutes to get to the door, and without snow it is only about 15-20 steps from where I parked to the door) to get in and retrieve my bigger vacuum cleaner, which I have been meaning to get but my little one has been fine, but has no beater bar.  With the sand making the living room feel like a beach, I figured I'd need to beater bar.    So after climbing back across the deep snow and huge snowbank, I went home.

First I threw in a load of towels in the washer.  When you have to dry off with a little hand towel (especially when you are as big as me) you REALLY need to wash some towels.  So, I got those going and then started in on cleaning up the kitchen (dishes, counters, stove).  I swept the floor and then straightened up the living room.  Then came the fun part. 

The big vacuum has been sitting alone in the trailer for 8 months with no heat or power or anything.  It was NOT emptied prior to our leaving (leaving was a LONG story, as is why so much of my stuff, stuff that I actually use) is over there still).  So first I emptied it, and was surprised by how much dog hair was in it.  Well, the other dog (we used to have two but when I left A I found a good home for the big one and took the little one with me as A wanted her, but alas has not been able to take her).  Anyway after that, I tried to get the beater bar to turn, but it would not budge.  So I spent time with WD40 and got it to turn again, but it was sticking at one end.  I got part of the floor vacuumed and she stopped spinning again.  So I again took it apart, and unstuck the one side again.  And round and round we went, the vacuum and I, until I finally gave up and got out the little vacuum.  I think I got most of the really sandy spot with the big vac before giving up, but I really want to use the big one just to get a deeper vacuuming done.  I will have to order a new beater bar, again.  This will be the second beater bar for this vacuum in the last 7 years (it was bought used).  The end of the bar actually melts and then shatters apart on the inside.  You can still hodge podge it to make it work, but it takes frequent resetting to get it to work.

So, by the time I finished tinkering with the vacuum and then finishing the living room, it was time to leave and get the kids.  I had a cup of mac and cheese (not box) for lunch, and snacked on a handful of almonds and a cheese stick on the drive, along with a bottle of water. 

Both boys had a good day at school, and it was an easy ride home, aside from the fact that one of Josiah's braces is hurting him.  I need to get back to the ortho so we can get the brace adjusted a bit.  So I did have to stop on the way and take off his braces to give him some relief.

When we got back, I switched the laundry ( I can never seem to keep up with it).  Then I tried talking with the boys about what went on last night (why they didn't eat dinner, why they trashed the house, why they did not go to bed when it was bed time, etc...)  I am still just blown away by how out of control they were last night, that is usually not like them.  J at least had some answers, not good ones, but at least could give me some reasons for his behavior, but over all his behavior was not that bad.  It was G that emptied the book shelf and pummeled the guitar with the videos, and G that dumped bags of sand all over the house.  It would be different if he had been doing sand art and gotten it everywhere, but he was not doing art, he was literally opening the bags and flipping them in the air multiple times.  there was sand on top of the TV, all over the couch and chair, on top of all the shelves, probably in the fish tank even.  G has a tendency to destroy things for the sake of destroying them.  I have yet to find a plausible explanation for some of the times when he has completely destroyed a toy or a game (ripping cards in half, pealing all of the decals off the game boards, smashing his Nintendo control on the floor until it fell apart (we went through 3 before I started making him discard his own destroyed toys and did not replace them (but Santa did bring more controllers one year).  Anyway, I was trying to work through what had actually happened, like where Grandpa was and what he was doing while G was destroying the house, and why G did not go to bed at 8:00 when he knows the routine, or why he refused to eat dinner....

And G kept giving me the run around (he does have trouble answering questions in anything like a way that makes sense, but usually I can piece what he says together and get a good sense of what happened and why he made the choices he did.  But after 45 minutes of G's circles round and round the issue, I was ready to pull out my hair and run screaming down the street, but instead I told him to just go play in his room and I went out to fold laundry in the living room--twitch, twitch, twitch.....

So, I am just trying to let go of last night, and move on.  It just gets under my skin when there is senseless destruction, especially of a project that could have been a lot of fun to do together.  So now I just made a frozen pepperoni Pizza and rinsed off some grapes.  Not a stellar dinner for the kids and I but it works.  This has been an exhausting week for some reason. 

Tomorrow is A's birthday and while we are no longer a couple, no one else was planning anything for A and turning 50 is a big deal. Most woman I know over 50 tell me that 50 is like a new start to life, life begins anew at 50.  I will trust them on that as I am a mere 36, so it will be a while before I know if that is my own experience. But 50 is an important time, so a party is always in order. So I invited most of my family and A's family to come to dinner tomorrow night.  I have to bake a cake to night and J has an appointment tomorrow, but if A can pick up G from school it should all work out.  I just have to make sure I have everything ready tonight, so I can just cook it tomorrow, and have my mom, and step dad, my father, my brother, one of my sisters and her two kids, myself and the kids, A's sister is going to come out for the night (she lives 5 hours away), and me--so that's 12 people in my little house (less than we had for G's b-day last week when we had the family party as my other sister with her 4 kids is not coming).  So 12 people, a small corned beef and cabbage with a baked Ziti to supplement so that everyone gets enough to eat (I couldn't afford a corned beef big enough to really feed that many people, hence the ziti).  As A is Irish and today is St. Patrick's Day, I figured that as long as everyone can have a little bit of the traditional Irish meal, everyone would be happy.    But I do have to bake a cake and decorate it tonight, and I want to clean the bathroom and fold all the clean laundry before I go to bed too.  So it is going to be yet another late night. 

Well, I need to get the kids in the bath, so I am signing off for the night (unless I decide to hop on later, which well, you never do know right?  Blogging is fun, i wonder if anyone is actually reading it....I need to get one of those little ticket things that tracks page views.  G-night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bites (nasty that they have made a come back isn't it...)

Day 2 final

I'm running a bit behind as I had 2 writing assignements due and J has aquatic PT today so i have to pick him up like NOW.

For dinner last night I made tacos using lean ground turkey instead of beef.  Lettuce, tomatoes, grated cheese, sour cream, and taco sauce on the little soft flour taco shells.  i had 3 of them plus water.

For a snack in the evening I had 10 round snack crackers with cream cheese, and water.

That was a pretty good day overall for food intake.

i will write about today later when I get home...

Day 2--mid day posting, some rambling, some food to report

Okay so a somewhat productive  morning, but I did spend some time discussing pi vs tau with my best friend from college.  Pi is my favorite mathematical constant, and there is a bit of a movement to use tau instead of pi when teaching about geometry, as tau=2pi (sorry for the lack of actual symbols).  Anyway, it was an interesting (and short) discussion of that amazing constant pi.  I guess it could be considered productive, as it brought some joy and fun to my morning, and joy is ALWAYS a step in the right direction.  So, revise my initial statement--I had a productive morning!!

Anyway, I got accepted into writing for Writers Access as a freelance level 3 writer, so I will be able to get some assignments through them for some income.  It takes a while to get a freelance writing gig up to the point that it can support a family.  I am hoping by the end of June to have built my reputation and skills up enough to actual bring in a decent income.  So being accepted at a level 3 (out of 5) is a good step, as it gives me chance to build up to a five, and thus have access to more lucrative assignments.  If I can get a few more freelance places to accept me, I should be able to build up to the point of not needing to get another source of outside income by the time this transportation gig ends in mid-August.  I will continue to write for Associated Content now that I have gotten back into it, and will continue to update my website (www.powerfulconsciousness.weebly.com) and this blog, as those I do for me, and doing things like contributing to the world by sharing my life, insights, and ideas brings me great joy and increases my overall wellbeing, so that is more important than the income in the long run.  (Don't get me wrong, making sure I can support my family is extremely important).

Okay so, now for the food journaling for the mid portion of the day.  For lunch I had a bottle of water, a 12 oz container of my homemade chicken and rice with white beans and carrots soup, and 2 cheese sticks. I had to eat the soup cold because I have nowhere to heat it up, but it was still tasty even cold.  I also had a handful of salty almonds for a snack.

After picking up J and heading for G's school, I was reminded that I am not a good mother sometimes.  You see, Sunday was G's b-day party, which we had at party palace in the mall.  J likes to ride on those little machines you put the quarters in at the mall, and he had asked if he could ride the helicopter.  I told him that on the way out we would stop if we had time, and he could ride the helicopter.  Well, by the time we got out of the party palace, we were running late, as A was riding with us and had dropped the Jeep off at work, so that we could all ride together, and A had to be to work soon after the party.  So we had to drop A off at work and there was no time for him to ride.  I promised him that after I picked him up from school on Monday, we would stop over at the mall and he could ride the helicopter before picking up G (we have a spare 20 minutes in addition to travel time that we can use, and J's school is very  near the mall).  Scatter brained as I can be sometimes, I forgot all about it on Monday, and I think he did too until after dinner when he brought it up.  I told him to remind me for today, and that I was very sorry that I forgot.  Well this morning on the way to school he reminded me about the helicopter, and I filed it away in my brain sure I would remember.  But alas when I picked him up from school, i forgot again.  We headed out and got on the highway.  20 minutes later as we are getting off the highway, he asks me if we are almost to the helicopter.  My heart broke, he trusted that that is where we are going as he HAD reminded me in the morning.  And by that time, we did not have time to go back down and get back in time to pick G up from school.  When I told him this and apologies profusely for breaking my promise, he looked so sad.  Not that temper tantrum kind of sad, or that bratty screaming sad.  This was real, heartfelt, sad disappointment.  He accepted it, but I feel like I lost his trust, and that makes me feel very ashamed.  Never promise a child something unless you can carry through, broken promises can hurt for a long, long time.  And the loss of trust lasts even longer.  I will take him to the helicopter tomorrow; I can't believe I forgot today again.  But I could see it in his eyes, it will take some work on my end to get him to trust what I promise again.  I try to be very careful with that, and this time I blew it.  I pray that he can forgive me and learn again to trust that what i say i am going to do is what I am going to do.  Well, I have to make dinner for the us, I'll blog briefly again later.

Day 2--A beautiful morning

Well, today has shown up bright and sunny, the snow is beginning to melt, AND  I heard birds on my way in to the library.  Spring is definitly on its way :)

So this morning I was a little better prepared.  I brought my breakfast and lunch, and will be less likely to give into cravings and those spontaneous "ooh that looks yummy" moments.

For breakfast, after dropping the kids off, I sat near Hovey Pond (there is still too much snow toactually get in and enjoy the pond, but the parking lot is still peaceful) in my car and shut the radio off--the great peace of silence.  I had 2 packets of plain instant oatmeal with diced canned peaches (in juice not syrup) and cinnamon.  And a cup of hot, black tea.  And about 8oz of water.

So that is a good breakfast (ar at least a good one for being prepared in the car--I need to get a hot pot that can plug into the car's lighter if I am going to be doing this for another year, which I hope to NOT be doing this long drive for another year).

I have been doing a lot of contemplating, and writing over the past week or so.  I have also been able to get 3 articles finished enough to publish on associated content, and plan to do at least 1-2 each weekday as I continue on my jounrey towars wholeness.  As I mentioned before, it is less about the weight loss for me than it is about reclaiming and rebuilding my life.  Waking up from a long sleep, a bit groggy, but looking forward to a new day--that's what  my life feels like at this point.

Anyway, here are some links to the articles I have been writing:
One on Acceptance--http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7855658/acceptance_the_art_of_taking_life_as.html
One on Forgiveness--
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7847660/forgiveness_clearing_the_path_to_wholeness.html
One on Balance--
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7847550/balance_the_first_step_to_the_rest.html

Day 1--the end of the day

Okay, so to finalize my food jounraling of the day...

For dinner I had a turkey sandwich with whole wheat bread and a smidge of mayo.  I also had about 8 oz of 100% grape juice.

For a night time snack I had a serving of left over chicken and rice soup (homemade with white beans and carrots).  I also had 12 oz water.

Tomorrow is a new day.  My hope is that not only will I be better prepared tomorrow for my meals, but that I will have a greater sense of control over my craving.  some EFT and breathing meditations should help.  A good night's sleep would do wonders.  But alas it is midnight as I post this and my alarm goes off at 6am.  I was watching Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy  on Netflix, and should have stopped one before I did. 

Off to be now.  Six hours would not be too bad.  I have had many years where I have averaged far less on a regular basis....Sleep tight readers...

Day 1--2nd post, lack of self control

Okay, so it has been a day of lack of self control.  After writing and then grocery shopping, I was headed over to pick up J from his school program.  On the way I had lunch from the groceries-- a bottle of water, 2 cheese sticks, 2 tiny slim jim style snack sticks (the tiny ones where 4 of them are considered a serving), 1/2 a cup of grape tomatoes, and 1/2 of a single serve pack of nutty trail mix (J ate the other half when I picked him up).  That sounds okay, but on the way to get G I stopped for gas, and when I went in to pay I was craving something warm and salty, and ended up picking up a premade bbq rib 1/2 sub thing at the convenience store (so totally processed), and a half-half tea-lemonade refresher to wash it down (way too much sugar in that).

Then at 4:00, after we got home, I decided I needed a snack.  While the kids had grapes and animal crackers, I had a bowl of Raisin Bran with milk (and horribly then a second bowl, because there was still milk in the bowl--dumb logic I know).

So yeah, I ate too much and its not even dinner time.  I think it will be a light dinner for me, as I am quite full at this point...