Day 3--What a ride!

Okay, so today has been absolutely insane.  First I slept through my snooze alarm, 4 times this morning, waking up at 6:50 (we have to be out the door by 7:10 to be on time.  So it was a very rushed morning, the kids were a few minutes late to school.

For breakfast I had oatmeal with raisins, cranberries and fresh apple chunks, and a cup of coffee with cream and 1 sugar. 

The it was a whirlwind day of writing as I had two articles due today and had not started wither one (had a lot of ideas in my head, but had not actually put them on paper).  I did manage to get both of them done satisfactorily, but by the time I got them submitted to their respective sites, I was running late to get J for swimming (aquatic PT).  On the way there I scarfed down a cheese stick and handful of almonds, and a bottle of water.

The classroom took longer getting him to me than usual, which  made us even later, but we got there 10 minutes late, and they let him do his full half an hour anyway, which was good.  He had a new PT in the pool today, so I was not sure how it was going to go, but he did very well with her.  he listened, and did the swimming and kicking and reaching like he was asked too.  He was in a great mood, and enjoyed the horsey (a rolled up float mat that he has to balance on sitting (with help) and gallop around the pool retrieving balls and tossing them into a basket).  He loved the game and even used his left hand without too much prompting.  He did have trouble listening on pool exit, and as she is not as familiar with him, he did slip all the way and land on his bottom on the step, but other than nicking his ankle with his toenail, he was okay. 

From swimming we ran over to the mall, because I FINALLY remembered the helicopter ride that I had promised for Monday.  So I took J in the mall, but with short time did not assemble his wheelchair to take him in (we have a sedan now that the station wagon died, and I have to take both the back and the two big wheels odd in order to wedge it in the truck (it is NOT a sling seat, fold up wheelchair, it is more involved than that).  So, he is really getting hard to carry, being heavy and unable to wrap his legs around to help carry himself.  So he rode the little insert quarters helicopter, then the corvette, and then the hot dog truck.  I ran into G's first grade teacher while we were there, and it was nice to chat with her.  She really is a great teacher.  If we are still here when J is in first grade, I will be very glad for J to have her. 

After that, we needed to go get G.  As we were walking out (with J wisely on my shoulders) he announced that he was starving and needed french fries.  Having not eaten actual lunch myself, I gave in to temptation and stopped at the Arby's stand in the food court.  I got the All American Sandwich and he got the fries, and we got a root beer for G.  So one combo split between 3 people, not too bad.

We got to G's school just in time to pick him up, and headed home.  On the way I realized that tonight was the preschool transmission meeting at J's school, and I had not arranged childcare, so we took a little detour on the way home, and stopped to see my father.  He agreed to watch the kids for me, so I went home, washed some dishes, had G do his homework, made dinner, and then ran back to my Dad's to pick him up 45 minutes later.  Brought him and the kids back here, gave a quick rundown of the routine, and headed out as he was dishing up dinner for the kids.  A whirlwind hour long drive back to J's school (which I was of course about 10 minutes late for).  It was a VERY informative meeting, and I feel much more prepared going into J's CSE meeting at the end of the month.  I was able to get  lot of questions answered by a person who represents the state Dept of Education.  I now know what I can and can not ask for.  I asked a lot of question, which was good, and other parents also asked a lot of questions.  So it was a great presentation and a discussion time (boy do I miss being with adults on a regular basis, it almost felt like the old lab meeting where we were discussing our work, just this time our work was our children).  I had a couple of specific questions that she asked me to stay after to discuss,a s they were very specific to J.  So overall a very productive evening. 

Of course by staying after, I left half an hour later than planned.  My father was supposed to have the kids in bed at 8:00PM (which was about the time I was leaving the meeting).  I had to stop for gas, and as I had eaten no dinner, I grabbed a premade Italian sub with oil and vinegar dressing, and a small bag of Smart food Popcorn, and a water and a hot chocolate at the convenience store to eat on the way home.

Here I was thinking it would be peaceful to get home and chat with my Dad while we waited for my mom and step dad to give him a ride home (my mom's 2nd job runs until about 9:00pm).  But instead I walk in to J still fully clothed, G jumping on the couch half in his pajamas, and the house totally trashed.  My Dad is standing there with J's diaper saying, I have been trying to get them to go to bed, but he won't even let me change him.    G had emptied the entire bookshelf of DVD's and video's and hurled them one by one across the room at J's guitar (which J does play and is trying to actually learn).  G had already smashed one of J's guitars on purpose, so this second one was to replace that one, and he was trying to smash it with movies.  G had also opened up four bags of art sand that he had gotten for his birthday and poured sand ALL OVER THE HOUSE.  It feels like a beach to walk on the living room carpet.  In addition, neither of them would eat dinner for my dad, and by this time it was nearly 9:30 pm.  I told G to finish his Pajamas and clean up the movies.  I send J into his room where I then changed him into his pajamas.  I came back out and lectured G on his behavior and how he knew better.  I also made him throw the rest of the sand art kit in the garbage, as all the sand was gone, and I let him know how disappointed I was in his intentionally destructive behavior.   I gave them each a small cup of peaches (as I did not want them to sleep on a totally empty stomach), and then I tucked them in their beds, told them goodnight and went lights out. 

I was SO frustrated with the way they behaved for my father.  I was also a little frustrated at my father, as he seems to have not noticed any of the things going on, until I pointed them out to him.  So, I think that is the last time Dad will babysit, as he just does not pay enough attention.  he is getting older, and maybe the kids are just too much for him now.  Oh well.  My house is a complete mess, and I am exhausted after such an insane day.  Now I have clothes in the washer that I need to wait to put in the dryer before I go to bed.  I had forgotten tomorrow is St Patrick's Day, so I needed to wash clothes to make sure the kids have green on tomorrow.  Especially since A (their other parent) is almost 100% Irish.  So  for race/ethnicity the kids say they are: G=Mexican Irish American and J=African Irish American.  So yeah, I need to make sure the green shirts are clean.  (As for my race/ethnicity I am a true American mutt=a mix of French, English, German and at least 1/16th Native American (my maternal grandfather was 1/2--though I do not know what tribe, he left is family at 16 and never really talked about his heritage) and I am 1/64th Iroquois on my Father's side) and who knows what else, my European lines have been here many generations so are not well documented or remembered).

Tomorrow will be one of those days that i drop the kids off and then drive the hour back home so that I can clean up this house!!.  I hate adding an extra 100+ miles and 2 extra hours of driving to my car and day, but they really trashed the house and I need time without them here to clean it all up properly.  I might have to borrow a good vacuum as mine is okay for regular stuff, but this fine sand everywhere is going to need something with better suction.  Oh and a couple of the movies (older VHS movies) were broken in G's little stunt.  It was such a good evening until I got home.  Some days you can understand why some animals eat their young...

Day 2 final

I'm running a bit behind as I had 2 writing assignements due and J has aquatic PT today so i have to pick him up like NOW.

For dinner last night I made tacos using lean ground turkey instead of beef.  Lettuce, tomatoes, grated cheese, sour cream, and taco sauce on the little soft flour taco shells.  i had 3 of them plus water.

For a snack in the evening I had 10 round snack crackers with cream cheese, and water.

That was a pretty good day overall for food intake.

i will write about today later when I get home...

Day 2--mid day posting, some rambling, some food to report

Okay so a somewhat productive  morning, but I did spend some time discussing pi vs tau with my best friend from college.  Pi is my favorite mathematical constant, and there is a bit of a movement to use tau instead of pi when teaching about geometry, as tau=2pi (sorry for the lack of actual symbols).  Anyway, it was an interesting (and short) discussion of that amazing constant pi.  I guess it could be considered productive, as it brought some joy and fun to my morning, and joy is ALWAYS a step in the right direction.  So, revise my initial statement--I had a productive morning!!

Anyway, I got accepted into writing for Writers Access as a freelance level 3 writer, so I will be able to get some assignments through them for some income.  It takes a while to get a freelance writing gig up to the point that it can support a family.  I am hoping by the end of June to have built my reputation and skills up enough to actual bring in a decent income.  So being accepted at a level 3 (out of 5) is a good step, as it gives me chance to build up to a five, and thus have access to more lucrative assignments.  If I can get a few more freelance places to accept me, I should be able to build up to the point of not needing to get another source of outside income by the time this transportation gig ends in mid-August.  I will continue to write for Associated Content now that I have gotten back into it, and will continue to update my website (www.powerfulconsciousness.weebly.com) and this blog, as those I do for me, and doing things like contributing to the world by sharing my life, insights, and ideas brings me great joy and increases my overall wellbeing, so that is more important than the income in the long run.  (Don't get me wrong, making sure I can support my family is extremely important).

Okay so, now for the food journaling for the mid portion of the day.  For lunch I had a bottle of water, a 12 oz container of my homemade chicken and rice with white beans and carrots soup, and 2 cheese sticks. I had to eat the soup cold because I have nowhere to heat it up, but it was still tasty even cold.  I also had a handful of salty almonds for a snack.

After picking up J and heading for G's school, I was reminded that I am not a good mother sometimes.  You see, Sunday was G's b-day party, which we had at party palace in the mall.  J likes to ride on those little machines you put the quarters in at the mall, and he had asked if he could ride the helicopter.  I told him that on the way out we would stop if we had time, and he could ride the helicopter.  Well, by the time we got out of the party palace, we were running late, as A was riding with us and had dropped the Jeep off at work, so that we could all ride together, and A had to be to work soon after the party.  So we had to drop A off at work and there was no time for him to ride.  I promised him that after I picked him up from school on Monday, we would stop over at the mall and he could ride the helicopter before picking up G (we have a spare 20 minutes in addition to travel time that we can use, and J's school is very  near the mall).  Scatter brained as I can be sometimes, I forgot all about it on Monday, and I think he did too until after dinner when he brought it up.  I told him to remind me for today, and that I was very sorry that I forgot.  Well this morning on the way to school he reminded me about the helicopter, and I filed it away in my brain sure I would remember.  But alas when I picked him up from school, i forgot again.  We headed out and got on the highway.  20 minutes later as we are getting off the highway, he asks me if we are almost to the helicopter.  My heart broke, he trusted that that is where we are going as he HAD reminded me in the morning.  And by that time, we did not have time to go back down and get back in time to pick G up from school.  When I told him this and apologies profusely for breaking my promise, he looked so sad.  Not that temper tantrum kind of sad, or that bratty screaming sad.  This was real, heartfelt, sad disappointment.  He accepted it, but I feel like I lost his trust, and that makes me feel very ashamed.  Never promise a child something unless you can carry through, broken promises can hurt for a long, long time.  And the loss of trust lasts even longer.  I will take him to the helicopter tomorrow; I can't believe I forgot today again.  But I could see it in his eyes, it will take some work on my end to get him to trust what I promise again.  I try to be very careful with that, and this time I blew it.  I pray that he can forgive me and learn again to trust that what i say i am going to do is what I am going to do.  Well, I have to make dinner for the us, I'll blog briefly again later.

Day 2--A beautiful morning

Well, today has shown up bright and sunny, the snow is beginning to melt, AND  I heard birds on my way in to the library.  Spring is definitly on its way :)

So this morning I was a little better prepared.  I brought my breakfast and lunch, and will be less likely to give into cravings and those spontaneous "ooh that looks yummy" moments.

For breakfast, after dropping the kids off, I sat near Hovey Pond (there is still too much snow toactually get in and enjoy the pond, but the parking lot is still peaceful) in my car and shut the radio off--the great peace of silence.  I had 2 packets of plain instant oatmeal with diced canned peaches (in juice not syrup) and cinnamon.  And a cup of hot, black tea.  And about 8oz of water.

So that is a good breakfast (ar at least a good one for being prepared in the car--I need to get a hot pot that can plug into the car's lighter if I am going to be doing this for another year, which I hope to NOT be doing this long drive for another year).

I have been doing a lot of contemplating, and writing over the past week or so.  I have also been able to get 3 articles finished enough to publish on associated content, and plan to do at least 1-2 each weekday as I continue on my jounrey towars wholeness.  As I mentioned before, it is less about the weight loss for me than it is about reclaiming and rebuilding my life.  Waking up from a long sleep, a bit groggy, but looking forward to a new day--that's what  my life feels like at this point.

Anyway, here are some links to the articles I have been writing:
One on Acceptance--http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7855658/acceptance_the_art_of_taking_life_as.html
One on Forgiveness--
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7847660/forgiveness_clearing_the_path_to_wholeness.html
One on Balance--
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7847550/balance_the_first_step_to_the_rest.html

Day 1--the end of the day

Okay, so to finalize my food jounraling of the day...

For dinner I had a turkey sandwich with whole wheat bread and a smidge of mayo.  I also had about 8 oz of 100% grape juice.

For a night time snack I had a serving of left over chicken and rice soup (homemade with white beans and carrots).  I also had 12 oz water.

Tomorrow is a new day.  My hope is that not only will I be better prepared tomorrow for my meals, but that I will have a greater sense of control over my craving.  some EFT and breathing meditations should help.  A good night's sleep would do wonders.  But alas it is midnight as I post this and my alarm goes off at 6am.  I was watching Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy  on Netflix, and should have stopped one before I did. 

Off to be now.  Six hours would not be too bad.  I have had many years where I have averaged far less on a regular basis....Sleep tight readers...

Day 1--2nd post, lack of self control

Okay, so it has been a day of lack of self control.  After writing and then grocery shopping, I was headed over to pick up J from his school program.  On the way I had lunch from the groceries-- a bottle of water, 2 cheese sticks, 2 tiny slim jim style snack sticks (the tiny ones where 4 of them are considered a serving), 1/2 a cup of grape tomatoes, and 1/2 of a single serve pack of nutty trail mix (J ate the other half when I picked him up).  That sounds okay, but on the way to get G I stopped for gas, and when I went in to pay I was craving something warm and salty, and ended up picking up a premade bbq rib 1/2 sub thing at the convenience store (so totally processed), and a half-half tea-lemonade refresher to wash it down (way too much sugar in that).

Then at 4:00, after we got home, I decided I needed a snack.  While the kids had grapes and animal crackers, I had a bowl of Raisin Bran with milk (and horribly then a second bowl, because there was still milk in the bowl--dumb logic I know).

So yeah, I ate too much and its not even dinner time.  I think it will be a light dinner for me, as I am quite full at this point...

Day 1--Off to an odd start....

Well, here it is Monday March 14th, and Day 1 of my 80 pounds in 80 days endeavour. I am off to an odd start, as between the time change (and thus my brain screaming for the snooze bar when I needed to get up) and an overall lifestyle of disorganization, I can not say I have had a healthy start.

It is almost 11:00am as I write this (no 10am, 10am--stupid time change, my brain is not yeat ready for it to be an hour later). As part of my journey, I have dedicated myself to writing down every thing I eat each day. So for the first post of the day:

At 7:15 am, I had a graham cracker in the car while driving the boys to school (I normally don't eat their morning snack, but for some reason I was particularly hungry this morning). I also drank about 8 oz of water on the hour long drive to school

At 9:00am after having dropped off each boy at their respective school (and called our school district to try to get their CSE meetings scheduled this month so that I know if either one will be back home, or if I am just going to MOVE closer to the current programs) I went to Dunkin Donuts, which I really should not have as both health wise and money wise it is not good, but I did not bring my breakfast like I had been planning (see above referenced disorganization). So I ordered a sausage, egg, and cheese on a multigrain bagel (no I didn't think that made it healthy, they were just out of the sesame bagels that I like, and most other bagels as well, and the multigrain bagel is REALLY tasty) and a medium coffee with cream and 1 sugar.

Now, since most readers don't know me, one of the reasons I am as large as I am is that I am an emotional eater (ie I eat to stuff down uncomfortable emotions). Had I not called the school and brought up all sorts of old fears, frustration, and just outright anger, I would have perhaps made a more healthy choice. But alas, I ams till working on finding a more healthy coping skill for those uncomfortable emotions. I know some of you are wondering why I don't just express them. Well in this case, expressing my emotions about the challenges in finding an agreeable compromise to schooling my children BEFORE the meeting even has taken place would have been counterproductive at best and extremely destructive at the worst. I do have to actually work together with the school administration to make sure we are all keeping the best interest of my boys and thier potetial classmates in mind. I am not one of those paretns that only looks at what my child needs, but I also try to look at what the other kids in the class may need and how my child's needs affect their needs.   G is the hardest as autism and behavioral issues are at the center of his issues, and for J it is mainly physical challenges--but both boths have the cognitive potential to go on to be fully independent and fully functional contributing members of society as adults (college, career, family, make the world a better place, etc...).  Its just the challenges of working with a system that is not truly set up to accomadate thier extra needs in an educational environment so that they can reach that point that is frustrating at times. 

On a different note,  I do actaully have a handful of more healthy methods of dealing with my old, pent up emotions from last year's school decisions (long story). So after I scarfed down my breakfast sandwich, I did go walk around a store for a while (the snow is still WAY too deep to find an outside area to walk--Come On Spring), and then watched my visualizations tool (Planet Earth Forever, Secret to You, & Secret to Riches from www.thesecret.tv), I had to watch them twice as my brain kept wandering back to negativity, which is always counterproductive to a happy and healthy life.  I tried to do some deeep breathign exercises, which always help reduce stress.  But meditation was out of the question today as my mind is WAY to wired to calm down enough to enter an alpha or theta brain wave state.  Its one of those days that I feel like I am superman with underwear made of green kryptonite...  So much potentail....

Anyway, I need to get some work done before I have to go get groceries, pick up the kids, and drive home, so I should get off this blog, and do some actual for pay writing. I will post again later with my food journaling for my other meals. In the meantime, have a glorious day...(and don't eat your anger like I do, nothing easy or healing can come from it...)