Okay, so... (my son was saying this a lot recently and I kept wondering where he picked it up from, and then one day I realized after writing it that I say that all the time without thinking about it, so THAT is where he gets it from).
Okay, SO...I finally remembered to step on the scale this morning before my shower and all the getting ready activities of the morning. As suspected I did not lose much since my last weigh in. But I did lose. The scale read 288lbs, down 3 pounds from my last weigh in and 17 pounds from my day 1 weigh in. SO, even with the emotional eating of the weekend, my body continues to amaze me in losing a bit more poundage.
After dropping the kids off, I headed over to the pond. I am so grateful that the snow has finally melted away from over 90% of the path around the pond. It was a clear blue sky, the pond is actually showing large open water areas, and the crocuses are coming up. I even saw some daffodil leave (no flower yet) in the garden by the pond. I did 5 laps around the pond, which amounts to about 1 1/3 mile (3.5 laps =1 mile). Then I enjoyed my breakfast. Today I did have my yogurt (Dannon Light & Fit blueberry) with dry oatmeal, a medium coffee, and 3 cups of water.
I had a great long (2+ hours) phone conversation with my best friend after that, and ended up standing outside the library in the little park for all that time enjoying the warm 40+ degree air, the sunshine, and the bright blue sky. It is great to have a best friend that knows me so well (after almost 19 years of friendship--we met as freshmen in college--she knows me better than anyone except myself--and even then I wonder...). We talked about a lot of things, big and small on both ends. It was just a wonderful connection with her, and though we only see each other a couple of times a year (as we live over 300 miles apart), it is amazing to me how much she is always there for me. God has blessed this friendship, which has endured over a lot of rough and rocky spots over the years.
I have not gotten a lot of work done today (I did get a little bit, but am running short on time), so tomorrow I have to buckle down and have an uber productive day. Blessings to you all and I will write again before bed.
Showing posts with label food tracking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food tracking. Show all posts
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Day 23--moving on
It has come time to move on. I have finally gotten a call back from my family member and we spent a good long time talking today. When you have a few layers of miscommunication, and each attempt adds a layer, it takes a while to get down to what the real issues are. I was right, the little issue that should have been a simple conversation about miscommunication was truly a simple misunderstanding. But it WAS the underlying more problematic issue that was complicating matters. Though I was the one that saw it as underlying and they were considering it THE issue. Which was one of the other layers of miscommunication. I was trying to address the one simple communication glitch to get a simple answer, and they were dealing with that as on off shoot of the other issue. Well, needless to say, it was a long and difficult though very beneficial conversation. I was very glad to finally clear that up. It is going to take a while to let go of the residual emotions, and of course let go of the places where we do not agree. It was time to move on, I had already made that decision before the conversation. So it is providence that we were able to have the conversation that makes it possible to move on fully.
Okay on to food blogging. I had a no real lunch just a handful of dried cranberries and two graham crackers in the car. I had a cup of water after getting home. We had box macaroni and cheese with a hot dog for dinner, I supplemented with left over brown rice and snow peas with butter salt and pepper. This evening I have had two pieces of toast with butter.
Okay on to food blogging. I had a no real lunch just a handful of dried cranberries and two graham crackers in the car. I had a cup of water after getting home. We had box macaroni and cheese with a hot dog for dinner, I supplemented with left over brown rice and snow peas with butter salt and pepper. This evening I have had two pieces of toast with butter.
Day 23--Good Grief!!
Good Grief!! I forgot to do my weigh in again. I know you are probably thinking that I am afraid of my weigh in given the emotional eating pattern I have had over the past few days. I have actually made it to almost noon and have not cried today, so that is good. I did spend a lot of time with my feelings last night and this morning, I have done some exercises to let things go. I was actually able to sleep last night and meditate a bit this morning. So, slowly the fog is clearing, and I am moving back up the emotional ladder. Acceptance is sometimes a very hard thing, but it is part of letting go and moving forward. So i have accepted this situation, forgiven myself and my family member for each of the roles we have played. I let my sister know that when she is ready to talk, that I am ready to as well. And that she can take whatever time she needs. So, I am at a better place with all this. No, the situation itself has not changed, and there is still a lot of work to do no both of our parts to heal this rift that has opened between us, but I am finally okay with the rift, I am okay with the situation. It is what it is, and in time all wounds heal. So I am taking some steps up the emotional ladder, and waking up my life again after a few days where I have been separate from it.
As for my title and the expression "Good Grief" yes, grief can be good sometimes, as it can awaken us to areas in our past that are hidden and embedded and may be causing trouble without us realizing it. While the past 4-5 days have been emotionally horrible for me, without the grief that I felt, I never would have discovered the lurking lack of forgiveness in an older situation that I had left behind. So as long as you don't get trapped by it, grief can be good when you look at the big picture.
I still have not quite gotten my eating under control again as I went to McDonald's for a Sausage McMuffin with Egg, hash browns, and a medium coffee with cream and sugar this morning. While that is neither good for my health or my finances, I am at a better place within myself now. Tomorrow I will be back to my yogurt and oatmeal, and back to breathing more freely.
If you are wondering about the Emotional Ladder, it is a concept from the writings for Esther and Jerry Hicks. It is well detailed in their book "Ask & It Is Given". The 22 rungs of the ladder (levels of emotion) are from 22--Depression/Grief/Despair up to level 1--Joy, appreciation, love. I seem to have left the book in the car, as I was reading it by the pond this morning. I have read it before and actual have to book on CD as well, so it is one that I find extremely helpful to read again and again. I will provide a link to the book in the right hand column, and by next week will move it to my website page specifically designed for my readers of this blog who want to know more about things that I mention here. That page is forever a work in progress and will be updated regularly. It can be found here.
As for my title and the expression "Good Grief" yes, grief can be good sometimes, as it can awaken us to areas in our past that are hidden and embedded and may be causing trouble without us realizing it. While the past 4-5 days have been emotionally horrible for me, without the grief that I felt, I never would have discovered the lurking lack of forgiveness in an older situation that I had left behind. So as long as you don't get trapped by it, grief can be good when you look at the big picture.
I still have not quite gotten my eating under control again as I went to McDonald's for a Sausage McMuffin with Egg, hash browns, and a medium coffee with cream and sugar this morning. While that is neither good for my health or my finances, I am at a better place within myself now. Tomorrow I will be back to my yogurt and oatmeal, and back to breathing more freely.
If you are wondering about the Emotional Ladder, it is a concept from the writings for Esther and Jerry Hicks. It is well detailed in their book "Ask & It Is Given". The 22 rungs of the ladder (levels of emotion) are from 22--Depression/Grief/Despair up to level 1--Joy, appreciation, love. I seem to have left the book in the car, as I was reading it by the pond this morning. I have read it before and actual have to book on CD as well, so it is one that I find extremely helpful to read again and again. I will provide a link to the book in the right hand column, and by next week will move it to my website page specifically designed for my readers of this blog who want to know more about things that I mention here. That page is forever a work in progress and will be updated regularly. It can be found here.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Day 22-evening and sleepy
Okay so eating wise it has been a very uncontrolled day. I just keep telling myself "it will get better it will get better" I am trying to let it go, as that is the only thing than can help. So breathing, meditating, finding better feeling thoughts, etc....Letting It Go.
Okay food journal since my last post
I stopped at Taco bell/LJS and had a piece of fish, a soft taco supreme and my favorite, a 7-layer burrito
I also had a medium brewed tea (unsweetened)
At some point this after noon I had a handful of goldfish crackers (maybe 10 max, I was giving J a snack)
For dinner we had egg noodles with beef bullion, pinto beans and corn (all together)
I also had 2 pieces of wheat toast with butter
Late this evening I had a bowl of corn flakes with milk.
And I drank at least 8 glasses of water throughout the day.
Well, I am going to go to bed soon. If I can get sleep, I think I will have a better day tomorrow. What a sucky blog this is becoming, I have spent like the last 4 days with sad, blue, grumpy rambling about my yucky feelings. So, well it is a real life. It is time to move forward and find a better attitude.
Okay food journal since my last post
I stopped at Taco bell/LJS and had a piece of fish, a soft taco supreme and my favorite, a 7-layer burrito
I also had a medium brewed tea (unsweetened)
At some point this after noon I had a handful of goldfish crackers (maybe 10 max, I was giving J a snack)
For dinner we had egg noodles with beef bullion, pinto beans and corn (all together)
I also had 2 pieces of wheat toast with butter
Late this evening I had a bowl of corn flakes with milk.
And I drank at least 8 glasses of water throughout the day.
Well, I am going to go to bed soon. If I can get sleep, I think I will have a better day tomorrow. What a sucky blog this is becoming, I have spent like the last 4 days with sad, blue, grumpy rambling about my yucky feelings. So, well it is a real life. It is time to move forward and find a better attitude.
Day 22--I forgot to weigh in this morning
This weekend was very emotionally challenging, and I feel very drained. So I have not slept well, and as such I was an idiot this morning and forgot to do my weigh in. I hope you all can forgive me for that. I will weigh in tomorrow, and post a pic of the weigh in.
I don't even think I blogged yesterday, and my scattered brain can not remember exactly what I ate (that is why I try to food journal on the blog twice a day as it is easy to forget, especially when your mind is very preoccupied. I know that yesterday I had:
A bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat with milk in the morning
And i made pancakes, scrambled eggs, and sausage for lunch for all of us.
I am sure I snacked in the afternoon, probably cereal
For dinner we had brown rice with butter, salt and pepper, hot dogs, and snow peas.
Sometime in the evening I remember having a bowl of All Bran Strawberry Medley with milk
And I drank a full pot of tea between mid-morning and bed time (it was cold by mid-afternoon, but I drink it cold).
I think I actually ate more than that, but it is fuzzy....
Like I said I eat as a way to control strong emotions, and this weekend I have just let this situation rise to a crushing level within me. And I do not have any other coping skills that are well established enough to really have any effect, so I resort to my primary coping skill--food. Not healthy, but we all have to survive however we can. i am not writing this to bitch or to defend my eating habits, just to remind myself that there are time to be gentle to your spirit, even if you do not like the way you have responded to things. You can not get better, can not grow if you spend a lot of energy putting yourself down.
Today I stopped at Burger King and had a coffee, orange juice, sausage, egg and cheese sandwich, and their hash browns. Some days I just don't care. There are many more important things in the world and in my life than what I am eating. But I made a commitment to blog, and even though I don't know if anyone else is reading it, I will still blog. I will keep my word on that. I'll write again later. I feel down right now, and maybe getting back into the swing of things will help me feel better...so later the post should be better...
I don't even think I blogged yesterday, and my scattered brain can not remember exactly what I ate (that is why I try to food journal on the blog twice a day as it is easy to forget, especially when your mind is very preoccupied. I know that yesterday I had:
A bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat with milk in the morning
And i made pancakes, scrambled eggs, and sausage for lunch for all of us.
I am sure I snacked in the afternoon, probably cereal
For dinner we had brown rice with butter, salt and pepper, hot dogs, and snow peas.
Sometime in the evening I remember having a bowl of All Bran Strawberry Medley with milk
And I drank a full pot of tea between mid-morning and bed time (it was cold by mid-afternoon, but I drink it cold).
I think I actually ate more than that, but it is fuzzy....
Like I said I eat as a way to control strong emotions, and this weekend I have just let this situation rise to a crushing level within me. And I do not have any other coping skills that are well established enough to really have any effect, so I resort to my primary coping skill--food. Not healthy, but we all have to survive however we can. i am not writing this to bitch or to defend my eating habits, just to remind myself that there are time to be gentle to your spirit, even if you do not like the way you have responded to things. You can not get better, can not grow if you spend a lot of energy putting yourself down.
Today I stopped at Burger King and had a coffee, orange juice, sausage, egg and cheese sandwich, and their hash browns. Some days I just don't care. There are many more important things in the world and in my life than what I am eating. But I made a commitment to blog, and even though I don't know if anyone else is reading it, I will still blog. I will keep my word on that. I'll write again later. I feel down right now, and maybe getting back into the swing of things will help me feel better...so later the post should be better...
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Day 20--a hard day
The effects of the situation that I talked about yesterday have been festering in my mind. I had horrible insomnia last night--perseverating on a situation that I have no way to change and have tried multiple approaches to discuss the issue. but if the other person refuses to address it, there is nothing I can do. At this point, the side effect of NOT being able to dialog with a person who is UNWILLING to dialog has left me feeling deep grief. I feel like I have lost my family member because of this.
I am actually beside myself today. And I don't care how I cope with this at this point, I just need to get through the day and hope that I can have a better sleep tonight and wake up able to accept that I have done all I can that I feel is appropriate for me to do, and just move on. Everything works out in the end, it just may be a long time for this to work its way out. But today I just feel really raw, depressed, heavy....
So basic food journal:
2 bowls of frosted shredded wheat with milk.
2 eggs Over easy with dry toast (no butter as I was out)
1 left over chicken burger on wheat bread with mayo
2 tuna fish sandwiches
4 cups of tea
3 glasses of water
and 2 oz of cheddar cheese
I believe that was it....I am going to try to watch something on netflix now as the kids are napping and I just need to get my focus on ANYTHING else...Things like this make me feel very lonely. I miss having A as a spouse (their is a lot that I miss about that) and times like this you just want to curl up in your loves arms and be comforted. But alas I am not ready to get that close to A again right now, and a would read a lot into it. So I will just have to feel lonely in this particular episode of grief...
I am actually beside myself today. And I don't care how I cope with this at this point, I just need to get through the day and hope that I can have a better sleep tonight and wake up able to accept that I have done all I can that I feel is appropriate for me to do, and just move on. Everything works out in the end, it just may be a long time for this to work its way out. But today I just feel really raw, depressed, heavy....
So basic food journal:
2 bowls of frosted shredded wheat with milk.
2 eggs Over easy with dry toast (no butter as I was out)
1 left over chicken burger on wheat bread with mayo
2 tuna fish sandwiches
4 cups of tea
3 glasses of water
and 2 oz of cheddar cheese
I believe that was it....I am going to try to watch something on netflix now as the kids are napping and I just need to get my focus on ANYTHING else...Things like this make me feel very lonely. I miss having A as a spouse (their is a lot that I miss about that) and times like this you just want to curl up in your loves arms and be comforted. But alas I am not ready to get that close to A again right now, and a would read a lot into it. So I will just have to feel lonely in this particular episode of grief...
Friday, April 1, 2011
day 19--the end of the day, the end of the week...
Well, as odd as it seems, after such a raw day, I had a peaceful, gentle evening with A and the boys. We cooked dinner together, which is a rarity, and when we have such nice times it is easy to acknowledge how much I do miss A. There is a reason we got together, and all the bad things do not negate the good things in our relationship. We made burgers with ground chicken, oatmeal, egg, and spices, and they came out great. I chopped up some fresh potatoes for french fries,and we all had a yummy and nice family dinner together.
A knew I was upset about this whole drama idiocy going on with a certain couple of family members, and so it was nice to just have a very pleasant time together. A did ask to spend the night (and sleep on the living room floor as A has done before if I need A here for the boys in the morning) after the boys went to bed and I said no. Lets enjoy the good evening of friendship we are sharing, and focus on our friendship. I also pointed out that with bronchitis and a sinus infection, sleeping on my floor, getting run over by the cats and dog who sound like a herd of elephants chasing each other around the house at night, and then being woken up by the boys at 6:30 in the morning, then having to work from 3pm to 11pm--well, it would just not be taking care of yourself to do that. So A went home, and I am getting ready for bed.
I think I am going to watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix. I am somewhere in season 2. I like netflix, I get to watch shows on my time, and don't have the pressure of having to catch a program at a specific time. I watch so little TV (aside from the kids movies that the kids watch) that there is no point in having cable or satellite anyway. Netflix is perfect for my lifestyle.
Okay so a final blog about my eats today. I had a chicken sandwich from Stewart's and 1/4 of a little single serve bag of sour cream and onion chips (J's favorite and he ate the rest when I picked him up) and water, of course, for lunch.
For dinner I did eat 2 of the burgers on wheat bread--they were SO tasty, and some home made fries, a banana and a cup of milk.
I am about to have a bowl of shredded wheat with a banana and milk for a snack while I watch my show. That's it....
Have a good night all...
A knew I was upset about this whole drama idiocy going on with a certain couple of family members, and so it was nice to just have a very pleasant time together. A did ask to spend the night (and sleep on the living room floor as A has done before if I need A here for the boys in the morning) after the boys went to bed and I said no. Lets enjoy the good evening of friendship we are sharing, and focus on our friendship. I also pointed out that with bronchitis and a sinus infection, sleeping on my floor, getting run over by the cats and dog who sound like a herd of elephants chasing each other around the house at night, and then being woken up by the boys at 6:30 in the morning, then having to work from 3pm to 11pm--well, it would just not be taking care of yourself to do that. So A went home, and I am getting ready for bed.
I think I am going to watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix. I am somewhere in season 2. I like netflix, I get to watch shows on my time, and don't have the pressure of having to catch a program at a specific time. I watch so little TV (aside from the kids movies that the kids watch) that there is no point in having cable or satellite anyway. Netflix is perfect for my lifestyle.
Okay so a final blog about my eats today. I had a chicken sandwich from Stewart's and 1/4 of a little single serve bag of sour cream and onion chips (J's favorite and he ate the rest when I picked him up) and water, of course, for lunch.
For dinner I did eat 2 of the burgers on wheat bread--they were SO tasty, and some home made fries, a banana and a cup of milk.
I am about to have a bowl of shredded wheat with a banana and milk for a snack while I watch my show. That's it....
Have a good night all...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Day whatever--18 I think it is, it's been a LOOOOONG day
SO...Today was abit of a crazy day (why does it seem I say that lot). In the end though it turned out to be a GOOD GOOD day.
So this morning I was getting myself all worked up about today's pulmonary appointment for Josiah with the new doctor in Albany. As I had had such a hard time dealing with the office of our primary doctor the other day trying to make sure that J's medical records were faxed correctly, as when I called Albany the other day they were not there yet (problematic,annoying, upsetting, see Tuesday's (day16) post for more info, etc...). so I was getting myself unduly worked up for this appointment. So after I dropped the kids off at school, I went to the pond. It was a nice, though crisp, morning. I first tended to the car, refilled the washer fluid, checked the oil and transmission fluid, all that jazz. Then I headed for the path around the pond. I needed to center and de-stress as I knew I was allowing undue stress, by worrying about the appointment for the afternoon. So I did four laps around the pond (a little over a mile total as 3.5 laps = 1 mile according to the sign). It was great to walk and breathe, to enjoy the spring like feel, talk to the ducks and the robins, etc... (Yes I know there is a winter storm warning tonight with the prediction of 8-12 inches of snow, but I am believing that it will fall east of here instead). So it was a good releasing walk.
Then I prepared my vanilla yogurt with instant oatmeal and dried cranberries, and enjoyed my breakfast. I did scrounge enough change in my car to buy a cup of coffee at the gas station. And I had a bottle of water already in my car. After breakfast, I headed over to the library to try to get some work done as I have had a very unproductive week with my writing. I have a couple of deadlines today that I need to meet before midnight, so I was hoping to get those two done this morning, but alas I still have some proofreading and a bit more info search on one. That is what I will be doing after I finish this blog--blogging helps me let go of the distracting thoughts rolling around my head and clears the way for me to be more focused.
Anyway, I was at the library and A called. We talked about A finding a new job, so of course I start looking up numbers and checking A's email to see if any of the resumes I sent have been replied to. I gave A number's and then looked at various help wanted sites and gave numbers and such to A for those. Then A asked me to send resumes and cover letters to a couple of the places, which I did---Okay, okay I know you are reading this thinking "isn't A your ex? Wasn't part of your reason for leaving is that you felt A needed to grow up and learn to be independent? Isn't this an awful lot like a codependent relationship? Does it really help YOU to do all of these things that A should be doing?" Yes, Yes, Yes, and not really. It starts out innocent enough, I offer a little suggestion and am willing to help a bit and soon I find myself getting more and more irritated as I end up doing more and more. So I am getting better as saying what I did today after I felt my tension, stress, resentment, and all those old feelings starting to rise up--I said "Okay I will send this one resume then I need to get some of my own work done." And A was okay with that. So it is progress, no guilt trips from A, no buried resentment from me. We are making progress towards being friends and showing respect and compassion for each other. I still need to learn to say that sooner as A is capable and I thank would be willing to do what needs to be done if the door where shut. I have just never been good at shutting the door when I see a need. That is not a bad thing, but it can lead to bad things like resentment and being over burdened and not allowing the other person to be all they can be too. It is a fine line, but one I plan to walk with anyone I meet. The world needs people who can see others with compassion, who are willing to reach out a helping hand to someone who may have fallen down. Finding the line between helping them do what they at that moment are incapable of doing for themselves (and that changes moment to moment as we all reach breaking point in some areas), and giving them the push they need to fulfill their own needs and be proud of themselves. Definitely a hard line to gauge with some situations.
After that I did work on my articles, but time was running short. So I did not get as much done as I wanted to. Then I was starving (stress makes me VERY hungry) and I had only brought crackers for lunch. So after filling the car with gas and setting aside money for later I had a couple dollars and swung by Taco Bell/Long John Silvers and got a piece of fish and a soft taco supreme for lunch. It helped calm my frazzled nerves as I went to pick up J for his appointment (I know, this eating for emotional reasons IS something I am working on, but sometimes when new coping mechanisms are not working and you NEED to calm down, you do use the coping mechanisms that you have in the past. It is THE vital reason why when someone is trying to give up an old coping mechanism (or "habit" as most people say), that you simultaneously replace it with a more healthy and doable coping mechanism (positive habit). The switch when super stressed though takes more time than when it is just a regular day.
Anyway, I picked up J from school and we headed for our 1 1/2 hour drive to Albany to get to the doctor's office. You would never know I spent 8 years living in the greater Boston area, and some of that time commuted daily into Boston, (and later into Billerica on the 128 spur) If you could see how much I HATE driving in cities, especially when I don't know where i am going AND have already been dealing with stupid stress all day due to the impending appointment. So we finally get there, and thank GOD (literally, not just saying that) they offer free valet parking for outpatient visits, as by the time I pulled up in from of the building I needed to be at (Albany Med is a HUGE place) I was running a bit late. I had to jump out, put J's wheelchair together. I drive a sedan now, and it won't fit put together as it is not a standard sling seat wheelchair, it has a solid seat and back which pop off to fold and the big wheels pop off as well. So it is handy to collapse, but it still takes a bit of time to put it together and lock everything in place before I could get him out and head inside the building. It makes me miss my station wagon (the car that died last month and I just sold to the auto salvage this week). I used to be able to just pop the back off and fold the handles down and leave it together the rest of the way. But I am ever grateful for the car I have as it was true gift from God. A good car, runs well (does need a ball joint soon but that is new) and had lower mileage (under 100K is low to me), and I got it for $400 (even though I offered $500 which was what I had at the time). It was worth over $3400 according to Kelly Blue Book. But circumstances and timing were such that I was available to be blessed by it when it became available to be a blessing to me. Anyone who tells me god does not meet our needs either has never had a true need (need and want are totally different things) OR is just not paying attention.
So, I am just rambling on nd on tonight, holy cow. We went upstairs,and I just did not know what to expect (having dealt with over 2 dozen doctors for my kids in the last 5 years, I have experienced the whole gamut, the good, the bad, the ugly, the arrogant, the kind, the understanding, the nasty, the foolish, the compassionate, the fun, etc....), and I was humbly and pleasantly surprised by how nice, how congenial, how joyful and gentle, and fun the whole place was--from the receptionist at the desk (who was bogged down with phones ringing, paperwork, checking people in--she was really extremely busy) to the nurse who took his vitals and history, to the doctor himself--It was a kind, happy, amazing group. If you have need of a pediatric pulmonary specialist and live near Albany (or like us live 100 miles away), go there, they are top notch. My stress just melted even while we were in the waiting room because the energy of the place was peaceful and joyous. I have never heard so much laughter--from patients and parent, from nurses and doctors, from the administrative and lab staff--I was just amazed.... That was most certainly a gift from God, from eh Almighty, From Source, from the Universe, from the Great Dragon, from the Well of Intention--whatever YOU call that Powerful Consciousness that all things originate from.
Anyway, J's oxygen sats were at 100% and with a cold no less, so that was amazing!! The doctor was very boisterous and fun, a rough and tumble kind of guy who really kids with the kids. A Patch Adams follower if I am not mistaken by the way he interacts with everyone. It was so refreshing after all that stress i had built up. J was responsive with him, still a little clingy to me, but much more interactive and open than he usually is with a new person, particularly a doctor. J's lung sound good. He feels the medication regiment is good, though he did add Zyrtec for whenever J has a nasal irritation (allergy, cold, etc...) as with his weak ability to cough, he can not adequately clear his airway, which has been an ongoing problem when he has post nasal drip as he has had the last couple of weeks. He did give me a sheet with breathing exercises to work on increasing J's lung capacity and diaphragm strength, but did say that J is really too young for them, but it can't hurt to try to introduce them to him if I wan to, but to just be aware that he may not really be able to understand. It si the same thing with stretching, he understands to a point that stretching his arms and legs will help him do more, just like these breathing exercises with help him breathe better, but he is four and our natural instinct is to listen to our body,a dn when it says "ow" to stop. That is a very good body awareness. however in J's case he will have to learn to override that to to what degree is safe to override it in order to see maximum benefit. But yes he is too young to really get it, but not to young to introduce it to him. So I found it great that the doctor gave us the exercises. He also is switching his cream for his skin issue, which makes me happy as the last script just was not helping as much as it needed to. J still has an undetified skin issue. He really needs to see another dermatologist. But this doc beleives as I do that it has some sort of possible allergic reaction or body over reaction to a virus, like colds. So he is trying a differnt approach than the other doctors (plural yes) have tried to manage this itchy skin issue.
Anyway, it was really great to get such a good Doc. We go back in July and he wants to talk about doing a trial break from the meds for the summer as J rarely gets sick in the summer. I am all for that, as the long term side effects of ANY medication are bad. So if we can find pockets of time when his body can be safely med free, I am ALL FOR IT. I LIKE this doc. That is a huge relief. (Most of J's docs I like becasuse it is important to trust your doc and if yoiu don't then it is vital to find one you can so that you know you are all on the same page).
On the way home J wanted McDonalds for dinner, so we swung into horrible-for-you-food place and he got a chicken nugget happy meal, and I got two dollar menu cheeseburgers and a dollar cup of coffee (I had set aside just enough money to cover our meal, am I good or am I good). I had a bottle of water in the car as well. We then drove home, or rather set out to drive home suddenly realizing that it was nearly 5:00pm and we were int eh downtown of a large city, which meant dealign with rush hour traffic. So it took MUCH longer than planned to get out of Albany and onto the Northway for the 2 hour drive home. I picked up G from my Dad's (originally A was supposed to have the day off but yesterday soemoen called and asked for a switch and A said yes!?!? So my mom took a half day today to pick G up from school and took him to her house, but she and my step dad had practice tonight (my mom and step dad are professional singers now, they just had their first album released!!! but they are new to it, and they also continue to sing with their singing group which is where they were headed tonight). So they dropped G off at my Dad's which is where I picked him up at like 7:30, well it was 8:00 by the time I left after chatting breifly with my dad and my brother.
So it was a little after 8:00 when we got home, did jammies, had a snack, did meds, etc, etc...
So I am writign on my blog, thinking about my articles, and had a snack of airpopped popcorn (which luckily did not disturb the kids) with shaky cheese on it. And a couple fo cups of water. I also snacked on few jelly beans and earlier (I forgot to mention) on the ride home J was having some skittles and I had a handful of those ~20 maybe. So a little too much pure sugar today on top of both lunch and dinner being major chain fast food. So not a good eating day overall. My body, brain and spirit are tired. I really have to breathe more and stress less about things like new doctors. It really wiped me out, but I am SO SO SO glad that the doctor and that office are both exactly what J (and I ) need for his pulmonary stuff.
Well, I best get my articles finalized and get to bed. I know there is a possible snow day tomorrow for one or both of the boys depending on exactly where, when and how this winter storm hits (final storm of the season I hope, I am aching for spring in the Mountians, outside my front door (at least I get a taste of spring everyday when I take the boys to their schools as robins, ducks, and melted snow--leaving BARE GROUND--are things I can find down there). So, tata for now...
So this morning I was getting myself all worked up about today's pulmonary appointment for Josiah with the new doctor in Albany. As I had had such a hard time dealing with the office of our primary doctor the other day trying to make sure that J's medical records were faxed correctly, as when I called Albany the other day they were not there yet (problematic,annoying, upsetting, see Tuesday's (day16) post for more info, etc...). so I was getting myself unduly worked up for this appointment. So after I dropped the kids off at school, I went to the pond. It was a nice, though crisp, morning. I first tended to the car, refilled the washer fluid, checked the oil and transmission fluid, all that jazz. Then I headed for the path around the pond. I needed to center and de-stress as I knew I was allowing undue stress, by worrying about the appointment for the afternoon. So I did four laps around the pond (a little over a mile total as 3.5 laps = 1 mile according to the sign). It was great to walk and breathe, to enjoy the spring like feel, talk to the ducks and the robins, etc... (Yes I know there is a winter storm warning tonight with the prediction of 8-12 inches of snow, but I am believing that it will fall east of here instead). So it was a good releasing walk.
Then I prepared my vanilla yogurt with instant oatmeal and dried cranberries, and enjoyed my breakfast. I did scrounge enough change in my car to buy a cup of coffee at the gas station. And I had a bottle of water already in my car. After breakfast, I headed over to the library to try to get some work done as I have had a very unproductive week with my writing. I have a couple of deadlines today that I need to meet before midnight, so I was hoping to get those two done this morning, but alas I still have some proofreading and a bit more info search on one. That is what I will be doing after I finish this blog--blogging helps me let go of the distracting thoughts rolling around my head and clears the way for me to be more focused.
Anyway, I was at the library and A called. We talked about A finding a new job, so of course I start looking up numbers and checking A's email to see if any of the resumes I sent have been replied to. I gave A number's and then looked at various help wanted sites and gave numbers and such to A for those. Then A asked me to send resumes and cover letters to a couple of the places, which I did---Okay, okay I know you are reading this thinking "isn't A your ex? Wasn't part of your reason for leaving is that you felt A needed to grow up and learn to be independent? Isn't this an awful lot like a codependent relationship? Does it really help YOU to do all of these things that A should be doing?" Yes, Yes, Yes, and not really. It starts out innocent enough, I offer a little suggestion and am willing to help a bit and soon I find myself getting more and more irritated as I end up doing more and more. So I am getting better as saying what I did today after I felt my tension, stress, resentment, and all those old feelings starting to rise up--I said "Okay I will send this one resume then I need to get some of my own work done." And A was okay with that. So it is progress, no guilt trips from A, no buried resentment from me. We are making progress towards being friends and showing respect and compassion for each other. I still need to learn to say that sooner as A is capable and I thank would be willing to do what needs to be done if the door where shut. I have just never been good at shutting the door when I see a need. That is not a bad thing, but it can lead to bad things like resentment and being over burdened and not allowing the other person to be all they can be too. It is a fine line, but one I plan to walk with anyone I meet. The world needs people who can see others with compassion, who are willing to reach out a helping hand to someone who may have fallen down. Finding the line between helping them do what they at that moment are incapable of doing for themselves (and that changes moment to moment as we all reach breaking point in some areas), and giving them the push they need to fulfill their own needs and be proud of themselves. Definitely a hard line to gauge with some situations.
After that I did work on my articles, but time was running short. So I did not get as much done as I wanted to. Then I was starving (stress makes me VERY hungry) and I had only brought crackers for lunch. So after filling the car with gas and setting aside money for later I had a couple dollars and swung by Taco Bell/Long John Silvers and got a piece of fish and a soft taco supreme for lunch. It helped calm my frazzled nerves as I went to pick up J for his appointment (I know, this eating for emotional reasons IS something I am working on, but sometimes when new coping mechanisms are not working and you NEED to calm down, you do use the coping mechanisms that you have in the past. It is THE vital reason why when someone is trying to give up an old coping mechanism (or "habit" as most people say), that you simultaneously replace it with a more healthy and doable coping mechanism (positive habit). The switch when super stressed though takes more time than when it is just a regular day.
Anyway, I picked up J from school and we headed for our 1 1/2 hour drive to Albany to get to the doctor's office. You would never know I spent 8 years living in the greater Boston area, and some of that time commuted daily into Boston, (and later into Billerica on the 128 spur) If you could see how much I HATE driving in cities, especially when I don't know where i am going AND have already been dealing with stupid stress all day due to the impending appointment. So we finally get there, and thank GOD (literally, not just saying that) they offer free valet parking for outpatient visits, as by the time I pulled up in from of the building I needed to be at (Albany Med is a HUGE place) I was running a bit late. I had to jump out, put J's wheelchair together. I drive a sedan now, and it won't fit put together as it is not a standard sling seat wheelchair, it has a solid seat and back which pop off to fold and the big wheels pop off as well. So it is handy to collapse, but it still takes a bit of time to put it together and lock everything in place before I could get him out and head inside the building. It makes me miss my station wagon (the car that died last month and I just sold to the auto salvage this week). I used to be able to just pop the back off and fold the handles down and leave it together the rest of the way. But I am ever grateful for the car I have as it was true gift from God. A good car, runs well (does need a ball joint soon but that is new) and had lower mileage (under 100K is low to me), and I got it for $400 (even though I offered $500 which was what I had at the time). It was worth over $3400 according to Kelly Blue Book. But circumstances and timing were such that I was available to be blessed by it when it became available to be a blessing to me. Anyone who tells me god does not meet our needs either has never had a true need (need and want are totally different things) OR is just not paying attention.
So, I am just rambling on nd on tonight, holy cow. We went upstairs,and I just did not know what to expect (having dealt with over 2 dozen doctors for my kids in the last 5 years, I have experienced the whole gamut, the good, the bad, the ugly, the arrogant, the kind, the understanding, the nasty, the foolish, the compassionate, the fun, etc....), and I was humbly and pleasantly surprised by how nice, how congenial, how joyful and gentle, and fun the whole place was--from the receptionist at the desk (who was bogged down with phones ringing, paperwork, checking people in--she was really extremely busy) to the nurse who took his vitals and history, to the doctor himself--It was a kind, happy, amazing group. If you have need of a pediatric pulmonary specialist and live near Albany (or like us live 100 miles away), go there, they are top notch. My stress just melted even while we were in the waiting room because the energy of the place was peaceful and joyous. I have never heard so much laughter--from patients and parent, from nurses and doctors, from the administrative and lab staff--I was just amazed.... That was most certainly a gift from God, from eh Almighty, From Source, from the Universe, from the Great Dragon, from the Well of Intention--whatever YOU call that Powerful Consciousness that all things originate from.
Anyway, J's oxygen sats were at 100% and with a cold no less, so that was amazing!! The doctor was very boisterous and fun, a rough and tumble kind of guy who really kids with the kids. A Patch Adams follower if I am not mistaken by the way he interacts with everyone. It was so refreshing after all that stress i had built up. J was responsive with him, still a little clingy to me, but much more interactive and open than he usually is with a new person, particularly a doctor. J's lung sound good. He feels the medication regiment is good, though he did add Zyrtec for whenever J has a nasal irritation (allergy, cold, etc...) as with his weak ability to cough, he can not adequately clear his airway, which has been an ongoing problem when he has post nasal drip as he has had the last couple of weeks. He did give me a sheet with breathing exercises to work on increasing J's lung capacity and diaphragm strength, but did say that J is really too young for them, but it can't hurt to try to introduce them to him if I wan to, but to just be aware that he may not really be able to understand. It si the same thing with stretching, he understands to a point that stretching his arms and legs will help him do more, just like these breathing exercises with help him breathe better, but he is four and our natural instinct is to listen to our body,a dn when it says "ow" to stop. That is a very good body awareness. however in J's case he will have to learn to override that to to what degree is safe to override it in order to see maximum benefit. But yes he is too young to really get it, but not to young to introduce it to him. So I found it great that the doctor gave us the exercises. He also is switching his cream for his skin issue, which makes me happy as the last script just was not helping as much as it needed to. J still has an undetified skin issue. He really needs to see another dermatologist. But this doc beleives as I do that it has some sort of possible allergic reaction or body over reaction to a virus, like colds. So he is trying a differnt approach than the other doctors (plural yes) have tried to manage this itchy skin issue.
Anyway, it was really great to get such a good Doc. We go back in July and he wants to talk about doing a trial break from the meds for the summer as J rarely gets sick in the summer. I am all for that, as the long term side effects of ANY medication are bad. So if we can find pockets of time when his body can be safely med free, I am ALL FOR IT. I LIKE this doc. That is a huge relief. (Most of J's docs I like becasuse it is important to trust your doc and if yoiu don't then it is vital to find one you can so that you know you are all on the same page).
On the way home J wanted McDonalds for dinner, so we swung into horrible-for-you-food place and he got a chicken nugget happy meal, and I got two dollar menu cheeseburgers and a dollar cup of coffee (I had set aside just enough money to cover our meal, am I good or am I good). I had a bottle of water in the car as well. We then drove home, or rather set out to drive home suddenly realizing that it was nearly 5:00pm and we were int eh downtown of a large city, which meant dealign with rush hour traffic. So it took MUCH longer than planned to get out of Albany and onto the Northway for the 2 hour drive home. I picked up G from my Dad's (originally A was supposed to have the day off but yesterday soemoen called and asked for a switch and A said yes!?!? So my mom took a half day today to pick G up from school and took him to her house, but she and my step dad had practice tonight (my mom and step dad are professional singers now, they just had their first album released!!! but they are new to it, and they also continue to sing with their singing group which is where they were headed tonight). So they dropped G off at my Dad's which is where I picked him up at like 7:30, well it was 8:00 by the time I left after chatting breifly with my dad and my brother.
So it was a little after 8:00 when we got home, did jammies, had a snack, did meds, etc, etc...
So I am writign on my blog, thinking about my articles, and had a snack of airpopped popcorn (which luckily did not disturb the kids) with shaky cheese on it. And a couple fo cups of water. I also snacked on few jelly beans and earlier (I forgot to mention) on the ride home J was having some skittles and I had a handful of those ~20 maybe. So a little too much pure sugar today on top of both lunch and dinner being major chain fast food. So not a good eating day overall. My body, brain and spirit are tired. I really have to breathe more and stress less about things like new doctors. It really wiped me out, but I am SO SO SO glad that the doctor and that office are both exactly what J (and I ) need for his pulmonary stuff.
Well, I best get my articles finalized and get to bed. I know there is a possible snow day tomorrow for one or both of the boys depending on exactly where, when and how this winter storm hits (final storm of the season I hope, I am aching for spring in the Mountians, outside my front door (at least I get a taste of spring everyday when I take the boys to their schools as robins, ducks, and melted snow--leaving BARE GROUND--are things I can find down there). So, tata for now...
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Day 17 (right?)
Sorry for the over 24 hours without an update (I know I don't have you waiting on the edge of your seatrs, but it is fun to pretend...).
Okay so yesterday just was a really long day. After I got hoem I had a letter from the state tax department sayign I am being audited this year (I had expected an audit fromt eh federal, but I figures the state would be fine). So now I am going back to HR Block on Friday (as I signed up for audit protection as I knew the federal would likely be flagged--anytime you have a major change in your income and refunbd status you risk being flagged). I just had been planning on my state refund like NOW, and was surprised that they also have chosen this year to aduit. So more stress on top of a stressful day.
Last night I got a call that we were having my Mother's birthday party, half an hour before we were supposed to be there (her actual birthday is today). So that was an unplanned thing, but it was fun.
We had a yummy roast, mashed potatoes, and salad. then cake and ice cream for dessert.
It was an overall stressful day though, so I am still feelign quite tired today. Today was also a crazy day as after dropping the kids off to their schools (over 50 miles away) I had to turn around and come back to our home school district for J's CSPE/CSE transition and CSE meeting for next year. I was a few minutes late for it. It was a long meeting (nearly 2 hours by the time I got out of there), but I thkn it was aproductive meeting. J will be in our home school for Kindergarten, in the only K class they have, and this year's class only has 6 kids in it. He will get a 1:1 aide for specific times (~3 hours a day) and they are aware of the physical assitance he will need to transition from wheel chair to walker, walker to regular chair, chair to floor, etc.... as well as the toileting assistance (you can't expect him to toilet himself when he can not stand without holding on and has only one good hand, I tried to pull my pants down mimicing 2 bum legs, poor trunk balance, a locked left arms and having to lean using one good arm to do it--trust me, he will figure it out before I ever will). So the joys of being cogitively, socially, and emotionally "normal" in a body that is tripelegic. But he does work hard. the 1:1 aide will also assist him so that he can participate as much as possible in regular PE,l which I think he will love and will help motivate him in his efforts towards independent mobility. He is sucha gem. Overall the meeting went very well.
After the meeting I ran home, let the dog out, did a 2 second check of my email and gathered up J's swim things and headed out the door with just enough time to get back to his school and pick him up for his weekly aquatic PT session. I did swing into Nice & Easy and grab 2 slices of pizza and bottle of water onthe way down for my lunch on the go. I should have planned better and made a PB & J sandwich, but alas I did not.
So now we are home and I am making a meat loaf for dinner.
**UPDATE**
Just a quick update to finalize food journaling for this day. I had meatloaf, rice, and corn for dinner, with a little ketchup on the meatloaf. I also had 4 oz jiuce and a bunch of water. I DID eat a few jelly beans in the later evening.
Okay so yesterday just was a really long day. After I got hoem I had a letter from the state tax department sayign I am being audited this year (I had expected an audit fromt eh federal, but I figures the state would be fine). So now I am going back to HR Block on Friday (as I signed up for audit protection as I knew the federal would likely be flagged--anytime you have a major change in your income and refunbd status you risk being flagged). I just had been planning on my state refund like NOW, and was surprised that they also have chosen this year to aduit. So more stress on top of a stressful day.
Last night I got a call that we were having my Mother's birthday party, half an hour before we were supposed to be there (her actual birthday is today). So that was an unplanned thing, but it was fun.
We had a yummy roast, mashed potatoes, and salad. then cake and ice cream for dessert.
It was an overall stressful day though, so I am still feelign quite tired today. Today was also a crazy day as after dropping the kids off to their schools (over 50 miles away) I had to turn around and come back to our home school district for J's CSPE/CSE transition and CSE meeting for next year. I was a few minutes late for it. It was a long meeting (nearly 2 hours by the time I got out of there), but I thkn it was aproductive meeting. J will be in our home school for Kindergarten, in the only K class they have, and this year's class only has 6 kids in it. He will get a 1:1 aide for specific times (~3 hours a day) and they are aware of the physical assitance he will need to transition from wheel chair to walker, walker to regular chair, chair to floor, etc.... as well as the toileting assistance (you can't expect him to toilet himself when he can not stand without holding on and has only one good hand, I tried to pull my pants down mimicing 2 bum legs, poor trunk balance, a locked left arms and having to lean using one good arm to do it--trust me, he will figure it out before I ever will). So the joys of being cogitively, socially, and emotionally "normal" in a body that is tripelegic. But he does work hard. the 1:1 aide will also assist him so that he can participate as much as possible in regular PE,l which I think he will love and will help motivate him in his efforts towards independent mobility. He is sucha gem. Overall the meeting went very well.
After the meeting I ran home, let the dog out, did a 2 second check of my email and gathered up J's swim things and headed out the door with just enough time to get back to his school and pick him up for his weekly aquatic PT session. I did swing into Nice & Easy and grab 2 slices of pizza and bottle of water onthe way down for my lunch on the go. I should have planned better and made a PB & J sandwich, but alas I did not.
So now we are home and I am making a meat loaf for dinner.
**UPDATE**
Just a quick update to finalize food journaling for this day. I had meatloaf, rice, and corn for dinner, with a little ketchup on the meatloaf. I also had 4 oz jiuce and a bunch of water. I DID eat a few jelly beans in the later evening.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Day16--Breathing, breathing
WELL!!!
It has been one of those days...ya know one of THOSE days....
I have spent most of the morning on the phone with six different doctors offices. Transitions specialists is never easy, especially when you have a primary care doctor who is at the office (at our center) one 1/2 day a week and serves hundreds of children in four different health centers, but is the only pediatrician within 40 miles of home? I am VERY seriously looking for a new primary care doctor, and maybe I will go with a family practitioner, as all of my choices are limited.
So basically the ball is now well underway for the switching to the new neurosurgeon--that was the easiest set of phone calls of all. I thought that the switch tot he new pulmonary doctor was going well, but on double checking the new one has not received his records and the old one will not accept a request over the phone from me, but would from the doctor, however the new doctor has a policy that they never request records and told me to have my primary doctor call the old one to have them sent, and well the challenges I have had with the office staff there have been mind-blowing and are long in frustration. So I am actively looking for a new primary for the kids so that there is some semblance at least of continuity of care. SOMEONE who will actually read the reports from the specialists and put them all together to consider the entire child--that is what the primary is supposed to do.
So I was frustrated earlier to the point of tears. So I went over to the pond and finally most of the path is melted, so I walked a couple of laps around the ponds. There were a few ducks, about 5 robins, a red wing black bird, and flock of geese flew over head. The brook by the pond was completely free of ice and the pond is starting to melt. So spring is here (today is the first day I have seen a robin). So that walking, breathing, and recognising the signs of spring was all very helpful. It is necessary to refocus and rebalanced my core, my spirit. I am now at the library and listening to some subliminal audio stuff. Every little bit helps.
So, for food journal...
I ate a vanilla yogurt with one packet of oatmeal (instant) and dried cranberries mixed in (I've given up trying to cook the oatmeal without anything to cook with, so I just mix it dry into the yogurt, and it works beautifully). I also had a bottle of water.
After my lovely (ack!) conversation with the final doctors office before I had to walk away from it for a while I did give into my emotional eating issue and on the way to the pond stopped to get coffee (which I had planned on) and gave in to a little single serving bag of pork rinds (which I had NOT planned on). So a little slip, but I did resist the urge to stop a fast food place and down a thousand calorie value meal, so that IS progress and I will celebrate it.
For lunch I have left over potatoes and ham and carrots in the car waiting for me. With a bottle of water of course.
And I just burped and can taste the pork rinds, that is a flavor that sticks with you for a long time.....blech.
It has been one of those days...ya know one of THOSE days....
I have spent most of the morning on the phone with six different doctors offices. Transitions specialists is never easy, especially when you have a primary care doctor who is at the office (at our center) one 1/2 day a week and serves hundreds of children in four different health centers, but is the only pediatrician within 40 miles of home? I am VERY seriously looking for a new primary care doctor, and maybe I will go with a family practitioner, as all of my choices are limited.
So basically the ball is now well underway for the switching to the new neurosurgeon--that was the easiest set of phone calls of all. I thought that the switch tot he new pulmonary doctor was going well, but on double checking the new one has not received his records and the old one will not accept a request over the phone from me, but would from the doctor, however the new doctor has a policy that they never request records and told me to have my primary doctor call the old one to have them sent, and well the challenges I have had with the office staff there have been mind-blowing and are long in frustration. So I am actively looking for a new primary for the kids so that there is some semblance at least of continuity of care. SOMEONE who will actually read the reports from the specialists and put them all together to consider the entire child--that is what the primary is supposed to do.
So I was frustrated earlier to the point of tears. So I went over to the pond and finally most of the path is melted, so I walked a couple of laps around the ponds. There were a few ducks, about 5 robins, a red wing black bird, and flock of geese flew over head. The brook by the pond was completely free of ice and the pond is starting to melt. So spring is here (today is the first day I have seen a robin). So that walking, breathing, and recognising the signs of spring was all very helpful. It is necessary to refocus and rebalanced my core, my spirit. I am now at the library and listening to some subliminal audio stuff. Every little bit helps.
So, for food journal...
I ate a vanilla yogurt with one packet of oatmeal (instant) and dried cranberries mixed in (I've given up trying to cook the oatmeal without anything to cook with, so I just mix it dry into the yogurt, and it works beautifully). I also had a bottle of water.
After my lovely (ack!) conversation with the final doctors office before I had to walk away from it for a while I did give into my emotional eating issue and on the way to the pond stopped to get coffee (which I had planned on) and gave in to a little single serving bag of pork rinds (which I had NOT planned on). So a little slip, but I did resist the urge to stop a fast food place and down a thousand calorie value meal, so that IS progress and I will celebrate it.
For lunch I have left over potatoes and ham and carrots in the car waiting for me. With a bottle of water of course.
And I just burped and can taste the pork rinds, that is a flavor that sticks with you for a long time.....blech.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Day 15--getting back to routine
While today was a little discombobulated with having to go to the salvage yard and turn over the car's title to get paid and then back down to be able to work at the library, overall it was a good day. they boys both had a good day at school, and I got some productive work done on my website. I need to write a couple of articles this evening as they are the bread and butter of my income. And hopefully will be able to finish the page on my website that I started today.
Well on to food journalling:
Water on the ride down
Breakfast at 9:30 am when I filled up the gas tank--A Stewart's Eggwich (Sausage, egg & cheese on a hard roll) and a large cup of coffee (cream and sugar) and a bottle of water
Lunch at 1:30 while driving from library to get J--Vanilla Yogurt (low fat), with instant oatmeal packet and some dried cherries
Snack in car while waiting for G--2 chips ahoy chocolate chip cookies and a bottle of water
Got home and A was at my house and had cooked dinner, so I sampled some ham after I got home. Then dinner was roasted Ham, potatoes and carrots around 5:30. it was very good, and a surprise to not have to cook. While I appreciate A's cooking, it makes me wary of boundaries. but right now I am trying to go with the flow. We are trying to build a friendship and cooking dinner for someone is something a friend would do, so I am just going to appreciate it and leave my negative worries behind. I am letting go, letting go...
I will probably have a snack later. The boys had canned apricots for snack, which J liked but G not so much. I might have a little something later, maybe just a cup of tea. If I do i will come back here and put an update. Well, I best get to writing articles if I am going to have a productive evening.
Well on to food journalling:
Water on the ride down
Breakfast at 9:30 am when I filled up the gas tank--A Stewart's Eggwich (Sausage, egg & cheese on a hard roll) and a large cup of coffee (cream and sugar) and a bottle of water
Lunch at 1:30 while driving from library to get J--Vanilla Yogurt (low fat), with instant oatmeal packet and some dried cherries
Snack in car while waiting for G--2 chips ahoy chocolate chip cookies and a bottle of water
Got home and A was at my house and had cooked dinner, so I sampled some ham after I got home. Then dinner was roasted Ham, potatoes and carrots around 5:30. it was very good, and a surprise to not have to cook. While I appreciate A's cooking, it makes me wary of boundaries. but right now I am trying to go with the flow. We are trying to build a friendship and cooking dinner for someone is something a friend would do, so I am just going to appreciate it and leave my negative worries behind. I am letting go, letting go...
I will probably have a snack later. The boys had canned apricots for snack, which J liked but G not so much. I might have a little something later, maybe just a cup of tea. If I do i will come back here and put an update. Well, I best get to writing articles if I am going to have a productive evening.
Weekly Weigh in Week 2
Okay, so I know you all wanted a picture of my feet on the scale, but alas my camera batteries were dead this morning when I went to take the picture. I WILL buy batteries today and take a pic tomorrow morning to show how incredible just journaling my food intake has been (without being super strict with what I eat--yes I think about what I eat, but as you have seen, I have not really been "dieting").
So dadada, this morning the scale said 291lbs. That is 8 pounds lost from last Monday's weigh in and 14 pounds down from my initial weigh in on March 14th.
So a Total of 14 pounds in 14 days!
So technically I am right on track for my 80 lbs in 80 days.
However, I do know that most of this weight loss is the first stage, which is loss of my stored glycogen. I have written an article (warnign I did not proffread well before submitting it so there are a LOT of typos) on this which you can rad by clicking this title:
Glycogen: The Reason to Rejoice in Losing "Water Weight"
So, as I am probably just about out of stored glycogen (well I know I store new every day, but I am talking the massive amounts I have been hanging on to for a while), now I can start burning stored fat. As fat is more than twice as energetic as glycogen, AND is not stored with massive amounts of water, it is actually going to take more actual effort on my part to keep the numbers going down.
I am just so happy that I am off to a great start. That Journaling my food intake honestly has actually STOPPED me from eating some things when I really was not hungry. These two weeks where I have been focusing more on why I eat and just observing what I eat have been very helpful to me in determining what my negative food habits and negative food relationships are. Because I am now clear that I eat to bury anger, I eat more than I want to even when I am not hungry because I hate to "waste" food, and I have this "because it was there" eating habit going on, now I know three of the primary mental/emotional/spiritual places that I can start from.
I truly believe that aside from those few extra pounds that people tend to gain and lose and gain and lose, if you are overweight, the root of your problem is NOT that you are eating too much--THAT IS A SYMPTOM of a much larger issue in your life. Just focusing on eating less or dieting is not going to bring the lasting change you are seeking. There are underlying feelings, traumas, and buried ingrained ideas and habits that you are carrying that may not be in your best interest. The key to becoming healthy is to recognize that it is ALL parts of you that need to work together.
So I am solidly in a good feeling place, having lost 4.6% of my overall body weight in two weeks. I have a clear set of three non-physical areas that I can consciously work on to support my goal of achieving a healthy body, mind, and spirit. And I have a handful of tools that I can use to work on those areas including:
Prayer and meditation; EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique); Breathing exercises; and Letting Go (I have added a few links on the side to some books and stuff that I find helpful to me in these). UPDATE: I am adding a page to my website so that I don't have a ton of stuff in the margin of this blog. So check out this page Useful Resources to explore futher. (note: I'll take the links down later when I have more time as I have to leave now and have not finished adding links ot the website page.)
I also have spent time researching what vitamins and herbal supplements can help support my body and help control my blood sugar while I go through this transformation process. Supporting Mind, Body, Spirit, and emotions is vital to effecting true change. I am so glad that I have committed to this journey. And I am glad that you have chosen to walk beside me as I go forward! Welcome to my world.
So dadada, this morning the scale said 291lbs. That is 8 pounds lost from last Monday's weigh in and 14 pounds down from my initial weigh in on March 14th.
So a Total of 14 pounds in 14 days!
So technically I am right on track for my 80 lbs in 80 days.
However, I do know that most of this weight loss is the first stage, which is loss of my stored glycogen. I have written an article (warnign I did not proffread well before submitting it so there are a LOT of typos) on this which you can rad by clicking this title:
Glycogen: The Reason to Rejoice in Losing "Water Weight"
So, as I am probably just about out of stored glycogen (well I know I store new every day, but I am talking the massive amounts I have been hanging on to for a while), now I can start burning stored fat. As fat is more than twice as energetic as glycogen, AND is not stored with massive amounts of water, it is actually going to take more actual effort on my part to keep the numbers going down.
I am just so happy that I am off to a great start. That Journaling my food intake honestly has actually STOPPED me from eating some things when I really was not hungry. These two weeks where I have been focusing more on why I eat and just observing what I eat have been very helpful to me in determining what my negative food habits and negative food relationships are. Because I am now clear that I eat to bury anger, I eat more than I want to even when I am not hungry because I hate to "waste" food, and I have this "because it was there" eating habit going on, now I know three of the primary mental/emotional/spiritual places that I can start from.
I truly believe that aside from those few extra pounds that people tend to gain and lose and gain and lose, if you are overweight, the root of your problem is NOT that you are eating too much--THAT IS A SYMPTOM of a much larger issue in your life. Just focusing on eating less or dieting is not going to bring the lasting change you are seeking. There are underlying feelings, traumas, and buried ingrained ideas and habits that you are carrying that may not be in your best interest. The key to becoming healthy is to recognize that it is ALL parts of you that need to work together.
So I am solidly in a good feeling place, having lost 4.6% of my overall body weight in two weeks. I have a clear set of three non-physical areas that I can consciously work on to support my goal of achieving a healthy body, mind, and spirit. And I have a handful of tools that I can use to work on those areas including:
Prayer and meditation; EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique); Breathing exercises; and Letting Go (I have added a few links on the side to some books and stuff that I find helpful to me in these). UPDATE: I am adding a page to my website so that I don't have a ton of stuff in the margin of this blog. So check out this page Useful Resources to explore futher. (note: I'll take the links down later when I have more time as I have to leave now and have not finished adding links ot the website page.)
I also have spent time researching what vitamins and herbal supplements can help support my body and help control my blood sugar while I go through this transformation process. Supporting Mind, Body, Spirit, and emotions is vital to effecting true change. I am so glad that I have committed to this journey. And I am glad that you have chosen to walk beside me as I go forward! Welcome to my world.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Day 14--enjoying my weekend
It has been a good weekend with the kids. We have been taking it very easy as we are all still a little under the weather, but improving. Today I spent some time creating a second blog that is connected to my website powerfulconsciousness.weebly.com . I have been working on creating more of an attitude of gratitude to overide some of the negativity in my life, and I decided I would do that publicly now, but on a seperate blog as the focus is very specific. So I will be blogging a daily gratitude list on my blog called Daily Gratitude. You go to my website and click on the Daily Gratitude link at the top.
The kids are napping, well J is napping and G is in bed watching a video and resting. I am going to be listening to one of the Healing with the Masters audio call that I missed earlier this week. If you are interested in healing you should check out this teleseminar series, it is completely free, and I am loving that I can go back and listen to it even if I can't be on the call itself each week.
Okay so food journal for today so far:
breakfast at 7:30am--bowl of All Bran Strawberry medley with skim milk, and a cup of tea
mid-morning snack 10:00am--2 pieces of toast with PB and honey and a cup of tea and glass of water (well 3rd glass of water for today)
lunch at 1:30pm--refried beans with cheese and taco sauce on a tortilla (x2), and water, then some whole wheat crackers with the remaining refried beans and cheese after everyone was done with lunch.
snack 3:15pm--bowl of corn flakes with skim milk and cup of tea
I'll write more later as I want to listen to the teleseminar call I missed before the boys wake up.
The kids are napping, well J is napping and G is in bed watching a video and resting. I am going to be listening to one of the Healing with the Masters audio call that I missed earlier this week. If you are interested in healing you should check out this teleseminar series, it is completely free, and I am loving that I can go back and listen to it even if I can't be on the call itself each week.
Okay so food journal for today so far:
breakfast at 7:30am--bowl of All Bran Strawberry medley with skim milk, and a cup of tea
mid-morning snack 10:00am--2 pieces of toast with PB and honey and a cup of tea and glass of water (well 3rd glass of water for today)
lunch at 1:30pm--refried beans with cheese and taco sauce on a tortilla (x2), and water, then some whole wheat crackers with the remaining refried beans and cheese after everyone was done with lunch.
snack 3:15pm--bowl of corn flakes with skim milk and cup of tea
I'll write more later as I want to listen to the teleseminar call I missed before the boys wake up.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Day 13--post 2
Not a lot to write....
Dinner was fried chicken with boiled potatoes and green beans.
The this evening I had some tea.
Now I am going to bed, not an eventful day. Enjoyed spending time with the boys, reading, playing games, and just spending some quaility time together....I love these days.
Dinner was fried chicken with boiled potatoes and green beans.
The this evening I had some tea.
Now I am going to bed, not an eventful day. Enjoyed spending time with the boys, reading, playing games, and just spending some quaility time together....I love these days.
Day 12--a day of the munchies
The munchies are driving me crazy today, which is not good when you are trying to drop pounds. i can not say that I have had much success in controlling the munchies. It is a little after 4:00 as I write this. Today (between 7:30am and now) I have had:
1 bowl of All Bran Strawberry Medley with skim milk
3 pieces of toast with butter and honey
1 1/2 bowls of oatmeal with brown sugar (not instant, cooked on stove)
3 hot dogs with bread and mustard
1/2 a sleeve of wheat crackers with cream cheese on them
3 cups of water and 2 cups of tea
So I have been grazing all day.
I will be signing my title over Monday to the auto salvage people. My old Ford Taurus Wagon will be going on to a new life. She still starts great, but the transmission is completely gone, like its not even there, so you can start it but it can't go anywhere. i knew it was going for a while, but about 6 weeks ago I was driving J to school and it just dropped out of gear and that was it... No more motion, forward, backward, nothing.
I was greatly blessed within a week to have been lead to another Ford Taurus (not a wagon so harder to transport J's wheelchair, but it works) which I got an INCREDIBLE deal on. And other than needed a new pair of tires soon and an alignment (and for some reason the check engine light came on this week), it is running GREAT. I had been meaning to cannibalize the old Ford as I had put a lot into her, but alas the newer Taurus is quite different, they changed both body and engine somewhere between them, not even the tires are the same size, which is crazy making as I have a brand new tire on the old car, as one blew and I had to get it replaced immediately about 2 weeks before it died.. AND i don't have time to pull it all apart and try to figure out what will be a good fit.
Since I am out of funds for gas to get back and forth this week and have multiple days where I need to add an additional 100-200 miles a day this week, I am hurting for money. So it is time to sell the old car (I will miss her, she was a great car) for a couple hundred dollars and give it to the gas gods.
Anyway I will write more later, I am still not feeling up to par, and while I have a lot to say, I am not up to writing right now.
1 bowl of All Bran Strawberry Medley with skim milk
3 pieces of toast with butter and honey
1 1/2 bowls of oatmeal with brown sugar (not instant, cooked on stove)
3 hot dogs with bread and mustard
1/2 a sleeve of wheat crackers with cream cheese on them
3 cups of water and 2 cups of tea
So I have been grazing all day.
I will be signing my title over Monday to the auto salvage people. My old Ford Taurus Wagon will be going on to a new life. She still starts great, but the transmission is completely gone, like its not even there, so you can start it but it can't go anywhere. i knew it was going for a while, but about 6 weeks ago I was driving J to school and it just dropped out of gear and that was it... No more motion, forward, backward, nothing.
I was greatly blessed within a week to have been lead to another Ford Taurus (not a wagon so harder to transport J's wheelchair, but it works) which I got an INCREDIBLE deal on. And other than needed a new pair of tires soon and an alignment (and for some reason the check engine light came on this week), it is running GREAT. I had been meaning to cannibalize the old Ford as I had put a lot into her, but alas the newer Taurus is quite different, they changed both body and engine somewhere between them, not even the tires are the same size, which is crazy making as I have a brand new tire on the old car, as one blew and I had to get it replaced immediately about 2 weeks before it died.. AND i don't have time to pull it all apart and try to figure out what will be a good fit.
Since I am out of funds for gas to get back and forth this week and have multiple days where I need to add an additional 100-200 miles a day this week, I am hurting for money. So it is time to sell the old car (I will miss her, she was a great car) for a couple hundred dollars and give it to the gas gods.
Anyway I will write more later, I am still not feeling up to par, and while I have a lot to say, I am not up to writing right now.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Day 12--sleep time approaches...
well, just a final cap off before I go to bed.
We had spaghetti (whole wheat) with canned sauce and shaky cheese (as J says) with bread and butter.
I ate a few left over skittles while surfing the web (because they were sitting on the table next to me, another one of those "they were there" moments). And I have had 2 cups of black tea.
Now I am going to bed and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow...
We had spaghetti (whole wheat) with canned sauce and shaky cheese (as J says) with bread and butter.
I ate a few left over skittles while surfing the web (because they were sitting on the table next to me, another one of those "they were there" moments). And I have had 2 cups of black tea.
Now I am going to bed and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow...
Thursday, March 24, 2011
day 11--a post before bed
LONG evening with A....too much to talk about but I do feel like I had really good self control and instead of getting defensive I just accepted that A feels what A feels, and our perceptions differ. But it is late, I spent some time reading "damn you auto correct" which is one of the funniest sites on earth, so i use it for a solid belly laughing pick me up when I need it.
As for meals/food:
Lunch was a can of veg beef soup (condensed) with luke water water to uncondense it (not all that appetizing, but what I had).
When I got home at 3:30 (after such a savory lunch) I was hungry and made a bowl of cream of wheat hot cereal with a teaspoon of brown sugar on it.
For dinner tonight I made fish (talapia my favorite), and sweet potatoes (i almost forgot how to peel, as with regular potatoes I just leave the peel on , but sweet potatoes have to be peeled...), and fried mushrooms, and broccoli, cauliflower and carrots (the last 3 in a mix). With water and grape juice to drink. It was a yummy meal and I have some left overs for lunch tomorrow.
It was a big meal so I did not have an evening snack. And now I am off to bed...
As for meals/food:
Lunch was a can of veg beef soup (condensed) with luke water water to uncondense it (not all that appetizing, but what I had).
When I got home at 3:30 (after such a savory lunch) I was hungry and made a bowl of cream of wheat hot cereal with a teaspoon of brown sugar on it.
For dinner tonight I made fish (talapia my favorite), and sweet potatoes (i almost forgot how to peel, as with regular potatoes I just leave the peel on , but sweet potatoes have to be peeled...), and fried mushrooms, and broccoli, cauliflower and carrots (the last 3 in a mix). With water and grape juice to drink. It was a yummy meal and I have some left overs for lunch tomorrow.
It was a big meal so I did not have an evening snack. And now I am off to bed...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Day 10--It's only Wednesday, but i'm beat
It feels like it should be Friday. Why am I so tired this week. Perhaps it is my awesome immune system fighting off whatever the germ is that has J laid up (though he has done well today, rested a lot and still has a cough, butno fever, so I think he is ready to go back to school tomorrow). G though fell asleep AT SCHOOL for like an hour today. He has not shown signs of a cough or fever, but that is very odd of him, especially since he got a good nights sleep last night. He was looking mighty pale this evening--usually his skin tone is a light tan color, but tonight he was whiter than A is (and A is very pale Irish). So I asked A to come by in the morning again in case G needs to stay home, as I will be taking J to school tomorrow. Anyway, I have had a mild cough for about 5 days now, but no fever. So my body has been successfully fighting whatever it is. I think that is why I am so tired...
Anyway, my meals after getting home. Lets see. I had a bowl of corn flakes with milk for a mid afternoon snack. For dinner we had the corned beef, cabbage, and potato dinner that I had planned on cooking last week that never panned out. So I had corned beef, cabbage (lots of cabbage, I love cabbage), and potatoes with a large glass of water. And right now I am eating an evening snack of a 1/2 bowl of raisin bran with milk.
I will have more water before I go to bed, but thats it, I am done. Maybe I'll make a cup of herbal tea and watch a movie, it has been a long time since I watched a movie.... Sleep well all.
Anyway, my meals after getting home. Lets see. I had a bowl of corn flakes with milk for a mid afternoon snack. For dinner we had the corned beef, cabbage, and potato dinner that I had planned on cooking last week that never panned out. So I had corned beef, cabbage (lots of cabbage, I love cabbage), and potatoes with a large glass of water. And right now I am eating an evening snack of a 1/2 bowl of raisin bran with milk.
I will have more water before I go to bed, but thats it, I am done. Maybe I'll make a cup of herbal tea and watch a movie, it has been a long time since I watched a movie.... Sleep well all.
Day 10--reaching a new level of healing
I have been listening to a variety of philosophical and spiritual teaching lately on healing. While one of my goals is to lose weight, it is more of a sub-goal to the much larger goal of becoming healthy. And not just physically healthy, but spiritually healthy, emotionally healthy, mentally healthy, financially healthy, and socially healthy. There are so many aspects to the human life, and being healthy in all areas is truly the primary state I want my being to be in. So I was listening to someone I had never heard of before, named Jennifer McLean (I think that is how you spell it), and her work on body dialoging was very freeing, as it focuses in a meditative state on your body and helps you work through an area where you feel tense or stuck due to various issues from the past and present. It really was quite an eye-opening experience in how I view certain people in my life and how I can change my attitude and forgive myself for the things that I have done that have contributed to the bad situations in my life.
Well, time is running short, so I'll have to write more on that another time. J is still home recovering today, though from what A has said he has been pretty active and much better than yesterday. A is sick as well, and is at my house with J, though not getting much rest as J is being fairly active. I'll be home soon and A can go back home and rest and recoup.
Okay, before I have to get going to pick up G--for Breakfast I had a large cup of coffee with half and half and a little sugar, and an everything bagel with cream cheese (from Stewart's as I as fueling up this morning).
For lunch, I have a can of vegetable beef soup in the car which will be my lunch in a few minutes, probably cold....oh well. See you later...
Well, time is running short, so I'll have to write more on that another time. J is still home recovering today, though from what A has said he has been pretty active and much better than yesterday. A is sick as well, and is at my house with J, though not getting much rest as J is being fairly active. I'll be home soon and A can go back home and rest and recoup.
Okay, before I have to get going to pick up G--for Breakfast I had a large cup of coffee with half and half and a little sugar, and an everything bagel with cream cheese (from Stewart's as I as fueling up this morning).
For lunch, I have a can of vegetable beef soup in the car which will be my lunch in a few minutes, probably cold....oh well. See you later...
Monday, March 21, 2011
Day 8--fairly uneventful
So this day has been fairly uneventful, which has been nice. After writing and such at the library I headed over to pick up J from school. He has a bit of a cold and a dry cough, so I was a little worried about him--still am, as with his lung issues a cold can sometimes turn into something worse quickly. though this year we have been incredibly fortunate, as the couple of times I took him to the doctor, they said it was just a cold. And he has recovered within a few days after that. So hopefully it is just a little cold and with fluids and rest, he will be able to continue his daily routine and continue to get well. His immune system seems to be getting stringer every year. This is a blessing from God that I am truly thankful for.
For lunch I tried the Campbell's soup at hand heated by the defrost thing, and it worked okay (soup lukewarm is not all that good, but better than cold), so I have a container of the Chicken Noodle Soup and a little single serving bag of peanuts that I bought when I was paying for my gas. Oh, and a bottle of water. I also had a small handful of almonds and a small handful of dried cherries on the ride home.
Aside from that, when I finally checked my cell phone messages (I had left it charging in the car while I was in the library) I learned that A was able to get my battery out of my old car with my brother's help, and that my step-father helped put it in the jeep, however it was the wrong configuration, so it would not work in the jeep. I had a second battery that my sister had been given when her battery was ailing, but that was the wrong configuration for her car, so they tried THAT one in the Jeep and it was perfect. So now A will not have to borrow my car for work and will not have to worry about whether or not the Jeep will make it home. And A was able to get to work on time.
The other thing that a message said was that A's cat (which has been staying with me since A moved up here as the dogs at my dad's house are not friendly to cats--and it is not even a cat we had when we were together, it was one A got AFTER we separated) had gotten outside and was stuck under the porch somewhere. Brody (the cat) has been an indoor cat since A got him as a kitten last summer. But Horace (my cat) and Narnia (our dog) both go in and out. So Brody decided to follow them last week during that great warm weather where it got into the high 40's & low 50's. However today we had a winter storm advisory in effect all day, with blowing snow ans sleet, snow, rain mix, with 4-5 inches of accumulation. I have been very careful to make sure that Brody is not out when I leave, as he is not ready to be outside without someone here. Horace spends a lot of time outside, so I don't worry about him. Anyway, I know Brody was in the house when I took the boys out to the car, but I forgot J's walker, which he needs at school, so I ran back in to get it. I left the door open as I did so and he must have run out then.
So, J got his snow pants on and played on the porch (he loves the outdoors, it will be incredible for him as his walking ability continues to develop) while i called and called and searched for the cat. But to no avail, not even a mew was heard. So when we came in I put a dish of food on the porch hoping that when he got hungry enough he would come and get it.
Then we played a video game (the new Harry Potter one that G got for his birthday), then the kids did their homework (G has actual homework being in second grade, J just does some pen and paper work to improve his fine motor skills which I call homework as he is in pre-K and does not get homework yet). After that J wanted to watch something on netflix, but as I have not paid my monthly fee, netflix is offline until another check comes, hopefully later this week. So he decide to watch Alvin and the chipmunks the Squeakwel. I made dinner (Ramon noodles with peas, egg, and bits of beef) and while dinner was cooking, I was able to go back outside and coax Brody from the hole in the porch. His issue was that he did not want to step on snow, and the hole in the porch is near the edge, so the snow had gotten in and around the hole. I had to get him to stick his head out so I could grab the scruff of his neck and get him out. He was so happy that he buried his little head in the crux of my elbow as I carried him in.
the boys had the Ramon dish for dinner, I only had a little bit of that, but made some bean and salsa mix eaten on a tortilla (well 2 tortilla's actually). I also had a sandwich thin, toasted with butter while I had been cooking dinner, as I was hungry.
At 9:00 I had a mini-fruit roll -up, which I had opened for G earlier, but then he decided he wanted a banana for snack like his brother (smart boys, eating fruit instead of processed fruit flavored sugar, not so smart Mama snacking on the open fruit roll up so it would not go to waste--instead it goes to waist--I need to stop doing that).
I am reading the boys the Chronicle of Narnia book series, and they are loving it, we are doing 1-2 chapters a night. We are on book 3--A Horse and His Boy. I have always loved these books (which might be noticable as my dog's name is Narnia) and I am so happy to share them with my kids. J is still a little young for them, but G is really following the story and loves it. maybe in a couple years we will reread them when j is able to get more out of them. But I had forgotten so much about book 3, which is a story of choices and starting out fresh to change the mistakes of the past, and build a better life for the future. Which is kinda where I am right now in my own life (though I lack the talking horse and such), but still, some of the undercurrents of the book I am really connecting with, especially the idea of moving forward and not knowing what would have happened IF...
Anyway, I am hoping for an early bed after I do the dishes. This cold is kicking my butt...
For lunch I tried the Campbell's soup at hand heated by the defrost thing, and it worked okay (soup lukewarm is not all that good, but better than cold), so I have a container of the Chicken Noodle Soup and a little single serving bag of peanuts that I bought when I was paying for my gas. Oh, and a bottle of water. I also had a small handful of almonds and a small handful of dried cherries on the ride home.
Aside from that, when I finally checked my cell phone messages (I had left it charging in the car while I was in the library) I learned that A was able to get my battery out of my old car with my brother's help, and that my step-father helped put it in the jeep, however it was the wrong configuration, so it would not work in the jeep. I had a second battery that my sister had been given when her battery was ailing, but that was the wrong configuration for her car, so they tried THAT one in the Jeep and it was perfect. So now A will not have to borrow my car for work and will not have to worry about whether or not the Jeep will make it home. And A was able to get to work on time.
The other thing that a message said was that A's cat (which has been staying with me since A moved up here as the dogs at my dad's house are not friendly to cats--and it is not even a cat we had when we were together, it was one A got AFTER we separated) had gotten outside and was stuck under the porch somewhere. Brody (the cat) has been an indoor cat since A got him as a kitten last summer. But Horace (my cat) and Narnia (our dog) both go in and out. So Brody decided to follow them last week during that great warm weather where it got into the high 40's & low 50's. However today we had a winter storm advisory in effect all day, with blowing snow ans sleet, snow, rain mix, with 4-5 inches of accumulation. I have been very careful to make sure that Brody is not out when I leave, as he is not ready to be outside without someone here. Horace spends a lot of time outside, so I don't worry about him. Anyway, I know Brody was in the house when I took the boys out to the car, but I forgot J's walker, which he needs at school, so I ran back in to get it. I left the door open as I did so and he must have run out then.
So, J got his snow pants on and played on the porch (he loves the outdoors, it will be incredible for him as his walking ability continues to develop) while i called and called and searched for the cat. But to no avail, not even a mew was heard. So when we came in I put a dish of food on the porch hoping that when he got hungry enough he would come and get it.
Then we played a video game (the new Harry Potter one that G got for his birthday), then the kids did their homework (G has actual homework being in second grade, J just does some pen and paper work to improve his fine motor skills which I call homework as he is in pre-K and does not get homework yet). After that J wanted to watch something on netflix, but as I have not paid my monthly fee, netflix is offline until another check comes, hopefully later this week. So he decide to watch Alvin and the chipmunks the Squeakwel. I made dinner (Ramon noodles with peas, egg, and bits of beef) and while dinner was cooking, I was able to go back outside and coax Brody from the hole in the porch. His issue was that he did not want to step on snow, and the hole in the porch is near the edge, so the snow had gotten in and around the hole. I had to get him to stick his head out so I could grab the scruff of his neck and get him out. He was so happy that he buried his little head in the crux of my elbow as I carried him in.
the boys had the Ramon dish for dinner, I only had a little bit of that, but made some bean and salsa mix eaten on a tortilla (well 2 tortilla's actually). I also had a sandwich thin, toasted with butter while I had been cooking dinner, as I was hungry.
At 9:00 I had a mini-fruit roll -up, which I had opened for G earlier, but then he decided he wanted a banana for snack like his brother (smart boys, eating fruit instead of processed fruit flavored sugar, not so smart Mama snacking on the open fruit roll up so it would not go to waste--instead it goes to waist--I need to stop doing that).
I am reading the boys the Chronicle of Narnia book series, and they are loving it, we are doing 1-2 chapters a night. We are on book 3--A Horse and His Boy. I have always loved these books (which might be noticable as my dog's name is Narnia) and I am so happy to share them with my kids. J is still a little young for them, but G is really following the story and loves it. maybe in a couple years we will reread them when j is able to get more out of them. But I had forgotten so much about book 3, which is a story of choices and starting out fresh to change the mistakes of the past, and build a better life for the future. Which is kinda where I am right now in my own life (though I lack the talking horse and such), but still, some of the undercurrents of the book I am really connecting with, especially the idea of moving forward and not knowing what would have happened IF...
Anyway, I am hoping for an early bed after I do the dishes. This cold is kicking my butt...
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