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Saturday, April 2, 2011

Day 20--a hard day

The effects of the situation that I talked about yesterday have been festering in my mind.  I had horrible insomnia last night--perseverating on a situation that I have no way to change and have tried multiple approaches to discuss the issue.  but if the other person refuses to address it, there is nothing I can do.  At this point, the side effect of NOT being able to dialog with a person who is UNWILLING to dialog has left me feeling deep grief.  I feel like I have lost my family member because of this. 

I am actually beside myself today.  And I don't care how I cope with this at this point, I just need to get through the day and hope that I can have a better sleep tonight and wake up able to accept that I have done all I can that I feel is appropriate for me to do, and just move on.  Everything works out in the end, it just may be a long time for this to work its way out.  But today I just feel really raw, depressed, heavy....

So basic food journal:

2 bowls of frosted shredded wheat with milk.
2 eggs Over easy with dry toast (no butter as I was out)
1 left over chicken burger on wheat bread with mayo
2 tuna fish sandwiches
4 cups of tea
3 glasses of water
and 2 oz of cheddar cheese

I believe that was it....I am going to try to watch something on netflix now as the kids are napping and I just need to get my focus on ANYTHING else...Things like this make me feel very lonely.  I miss having A as a spouse (their is a lot that I miss about that) and times like this you just want to curl up in your loves arms and be comforted.  But alas I am not ready to get that close to A again right now, and a would read a lot into it.  So I will just have to feel lonely in this particular episode of grief...

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