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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Day 23--Good Grief!!

Good Grief!!  I forgot to do my weigh in again.  I know you are probably thinking that I am afraid of my weigh in given the emotional eating pattern I have had over the past few days.  I have actually made it to almost noon and have not cried today, so that is good.  I did spend a lot of time with my feelings last night and this morning, I have done some exercises to let things go.  I was actually able to sleep last night and meditate a bit this morning.  So, slowly the fog is clearing, and I am moving back up the emotional ladder.  Acceptance is sometimes a very  hard thing, but it is part of letting go and moving forward.  So i have accepted this situation, forgiven myself and my family member for each of the roles we have played.  I let my sister know that when she is ready to talk, that I am ready to as well.  And that she can take whatever time she needs.  So, I am at a better place with all this.  No, the situation itself has not changed, and there is still a lot of work to do no both of our parts to heal this rift that has opened between us, but I am finally okay with the rift, I am okay with the situation.  It is what it is, and in time all wounds heal.  So I am taking some steps up the emotional ladder, and waking up my life again after a few days where I have been separate from it. 

As for my title and the expression "Good Grief"  yes, grief can be good sometimes, as it can awaken us to areas in our past that are hidden and embedded and may be causing trouble without us realizing it.  While the past 4-5 days have been emotionally horrible for me, without the grief that I felt, I never would have discovered the lurking lack of forgiveness in an older situation that I had left behind.  So as long as you don't get trapped by it, grief can be good when you look at the big picture.

I still have not quite gotten my eating under control again as I went to McDonald's for a Sausage McMuffin with Egg, hash browns, and a medium coffee with cream and sugar this morning.  While that is neither good for my health or my finances, I am at a better place within myself now.  Tomorrow I will be back to my yogurt and oatmeal, and back to breathing more freely. 

If you are wondering about the Emotional Ladder, it is a concept from the writings for Esther and Jerry Hicks.  It is well detailed in their book "Ask & It Is Given".  The 22 rungs of the ladder (levels of emotion) are from 22--Depression/Grief/Despair up to level 1--Joy, appreciation, love.  I seem to have left the book in the car, as I was reading it by the pond this morning.  I have read it before and actual have to book on CD as well, so it is one that I find extremely helpful to read again and again. I will provide a link to the book in the right hand column, and by next week will move it to my website page specifically designed for my readers of this blog who want to know more about things that I mention here.  That page is forever a work in progress and will be updated regularly.  It can be found here.

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