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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Another day, another new start

Each day is a new start.  No matter how bad the day before was, there is always something new in a new day.  It is a new chance to realize that THIS day is the first day of the rest of your life.

"Why is my life filled with all this stuff I don't want?!?"  "Because you're insane!"  From an audio program with Wayne Dyer.  It was exactly what I needed.  He was making the point that we have the choice, we have to ability to focus on what we want or what we don't want.  When we focus on what we don't want we bring that into our lives and the more we focus on what we don't want, the more we bring more and more of that reality into our lives.  So if we are looking around seeing that our lives are not as we know they should be, then we need to start looking at life differently.  We need to start looking at our blessings, focus on the things we have that we do want, that are blessing for us.  As we do, more and more of those things will grow.  To focus on what you do not want, and thus bring more of that focus into your life, that IS insane.

As I have been working with a number of these ideas of focusing on blessings, focus on what I want and appreciate in my life.  It definite spirals, either up or down, depending on what I focus on.  As I focus on the things that make me miserable, I become more miserable.  As I focus on what happened in the past, it just repeats itself again.  That means that I have the power, I have the God given ability, to create my reality, to create a reality I like or a reality I don't like.  It is my choice, it is my focus.  So after letting myself get bogged down in anger, fear, self pity, and regret for the past couple of weeks, it is taking me time to break out of this negative mode.

A was fired form the convenience store yesterday.  The cycle continues, and perhaps it is my focus that has contributed to it, as with A out of work,  I end up dealing more with A, A can't move out of my father's house now, A can't see what role they played in this.  "I was fired for no reason".  When A gets into one of those modes I know that verbal yelling and emotional abuse about how everyone else has ruined A's life, and I am primary target of that.  SO when A came over after being fired, I was supportive and then asked A to leave as I was not in a space where I could deal with this right now.  Which of course set off a tirade about how I had no reason to feel badly about my life and how I had ruined A's life and on and on.  A doesn't get it, it is the verbal and emotional abuse whenever anything goes wrong in A's life that is one of the primary reason I left (especially as it is worse, so much worse when A is drinking).  So anyway, it was not an easy evening, but it made me realize that I am again drawing negative experiences into my life.  It is time, and I am ready to turn that back around.  I have been focusing too much on the negative.  I have focused too little on the positive.  I have focused on what I don't want rather than looking forward and focusing on what I do want.  Each day is a new day to decide to look forward, to move forward.  Each moment you can change your mind.

I am enjoying this Healing with the Master's series, it's free and it is ongoing, and it is amazing.  It is exactly what I need to help myself focus on the person I am becoming.  On the person I really am.  It helps greatly in my transformation.  My body truly is a reflection of my interal life, my mind, my spirit.  It is the visible, physical manifestation of how I Am on a deeper level.  It is the transformation of who I AM on the inside that is affecting the who I am on the outside. It is good...change is is good...I chose today to focus on the positive.

Food journalling--yesterday, as I did not write.  I had a sausage egg and cheese on a croissant, some tater tots, coffee, and orange juice, and water.  I had yogurt and dried fruit for lunch.  For dinner we had spaghetti and then I had raisin bran with milk for a late snack.

Today I have had sausage egg and cheese and tater tots and coffee and water.

I also walked at the other park today.  As differs from the pond with its level gravel path, the park has all sorts of trails through the woods, uneven ground, rocks and roots, up and down.  So instead of walking the level path today, I spent 45 minutes walking some of the trails at the other park today.   I'll write again later...

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